Sep 12, 2014

Things My Boyfriend Doesn't Like - Part 17



      Boy. Things My Boyfriend Doesn't Like Part SEVENTEEN. There's this inkling on the far and dark outskirts of my mind that when you sum all of these up, he might simply just not like me, it sure seems like it so who knows . . . But I do know for a fact, judging by his latest comments, that he thinks I have a whole costume shop worth of clothes in my wardrobe. Fun.

Aug 30, 2014

No Matter How Dark the Present

      You probably have no idea who Joan Alexandra Molinsky is, but I'm pretty sure you know who Joan Rivers is. Guess what? It's the same person. Joan Alexandra Molinsky was born in 1933 in Brooklyn and some twenty years later, after getting a BA in English literature and anthropology, she decided upon Joan Rivers as her stage name and embarked on a journey to mega-stardom. But the beginnings of it were all but glamorous and sugarcoated.

Aug 24, 2014

Dear Doggie Diary #6


      I've been thinking. Today, my dog didn't want to eat his breakfast, he's been throwing these eating hissy fits for a week now and only eats when I get down on my knees next to him and feed him by hand, he literally wants to eat his food out of my hand, period. Then, when he finished eating this morning, I got up and put his collar on him, opened the door for him and we went out for a walk — and walked as fast (meaning slow) as he wanted to walk. When you think about it, I feed him food for which he's never paid since he hasn't worked a day in his life, I open the door for him, I keep him clean and I pick up his shit after him, that's basically the arrangement of our relationship and I'm supposed to believe that I, the human, am the master in this situation? I'm starting to question that . . . Anyhow, here's one of my  master's  dog's latest diary entries.

Aug 13, 2014

Things I Don't Get - Music Edition


      Do you know who Weird Al Yankovic is? Well, if you don't, you're missing out. He's basically my soul brother from another mother and I've come to that realization mostly upon hearing his parody of Pharrell Williams' Happy entitled Tacky which is just one out of twelve tracks he remade and included on his fourteenth album of parodies called Mandatory Fun. In my opinion, his version of the Happy lyrics is way better and ironically far less tacky than Pharrell's — just consider, for example, these lines: "got some new glitter Uggs and lovely pink sequined crocs — because I'm tacky" or "I would live-tweet a funeral, take selfies with the deceased — because I'm tacky". I just love how he captured the essence of today's society and I can definitely agree with and get everything he's saying. I can't, on the other hand, for the life of me get these next few lines from these next ten songs by these next ten authors.