Jan 4, 2013

How to Make Your Dog Stop Farting or Make His Farts Smell Nice


      Yup, I have a dog. A westie, a west highland white terrier. His name is Leos and he's the coolest and cutest dog on the planet. Ok, I don't want to offend any other dog owners, who might be reading this, so I'll rephrase that: I think it's safe to say that he's the cutest dog on this blog. Better? Just look at his sweet and furry face above, looking all goofy and innocent. Yeah, well... He farts. A lot.
      At first, I thought it was just a phase. I stupidly tried to convince myself that he had to eat something and that it would pass eventually. But it didn't. What passed was more and more gas coming out of his ass. And his farts are lethal! Sometimes they make my eyes sting. My eyeballs water up and it takes minutes before my vision comes back. Sometimes I think he's actually dead on the inside and the stench of his decaying carcass is oozing out of his butthole profusely. Sometimes he makes Hiroshima seem like daisy farts. After years of abuse and unsuccessfully seeking help at the Dog Farts Victims Anonymous, I've decided that I'm going to put a stop to this. That I'm going to make this dog stop farting and put a cork in it. Literally. Or at least make his gas smell nice. This is what I've done:
      A) People say: "Hang a tree car air freshener on his tail," but that's for amateurs - amateur owners and amateur farters. I tried spraying his anus with Dior's Hypnotic Poison and his gas sure was poisonous then. I never thought anything coming from Dior could smell so foul. Besides, the perfume gave him a rash and an itchy butt does not a happy dog make so I decided to try something else.
      B) My next solution was sticking an electrical plug-in air freshener up his heinie. I tried Ambi Pur and Air Wick and Glade, but nothing did the trick. Now he just chews all of our plugged in air fresheners like a maniac the moment he sees one, afraid that it's going up his ass when he won't be looking.
      C) I've read somewhere on the Internet that dry food could be the cause so I tried switching his dry briquette for wet canned food. After eating dry briquette for years, he loved it. But his intestines didn't. It gave him terrible diarrhea so whenever he farted, a generous amount of extra smelly goo would shoot out of his rear end. Great, you could not only smell his farts, but see them too. This just goes to show that you shouldn't believe everything you read on the Internet.
      D) Lastly, I decided to simply pluck 3 of his hairs every time he'd pass gas. Why 3? Because 3 is my lucky number, that's why. I was certain he'd catch on. After 6 days he looked like this:
 

Needless to say, he didn't catch on. It took forever for his fur to grow out what I find surprising, since stuff usually loves to sprout on a pile of manure, which he undoubtedly is, judging by the smell of it.
      When all of these failed, I decided to just convince myself that I love him too much to kill him and write Santa for a gas mask so we could live happily ever after. I mean - look at this face!

These last two photos are by Veronika and are two most gorgeous pictures I have of my fart-machine so thanks, V!

Disclaimer: 
No animal was hurt
during research for this post.
He's still alive and farting.
Well.

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      Peet
 

46 comments:

  1. khm...this cutie pie farts? no fuckin' way!:P

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  2. he is so cuuute! if you want go to my blog:)
    http://asunshineoffashion.blogspot.it/

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  3. I would like to have doggy <3 <3 u r lucky with that <3

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  4. Hahahahaha :D Sounds very familiar.

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  5. lol very nice post!!! I fall in love with your doggy <3
    I wait you on my blog ;)
    xx from Italy
    www.nuagerose.com

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  6. Hahaha, poor dog. I don't have any solutions for you, maybe get him a coat and keep him outside?

    Corinne x
    www.skinnedcartree.com

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    Replies
    1. Maybe he really should become an outside kind of dog!!:D

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  7. ahahahah great post!!!

    http://asouthbreeze.blogspot.pt/

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  8. how divine are Westies- my bestie had one which I puppy sat when he was 3 months ago- so adorable!

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  9. HE's so cute !

    New post on :
    Http://Fashioneiric.blogspot.com

    Coline.

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  10. I wonder if I can apply this to cats!

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  11. ahahah you made me so smile! I'm sorry, cant help you! He is so adorable, best wishes and let us know who is going:) xoxo

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  12. Haha, fun post, I don't have dogs so I didn't know about this.

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  13. hahaha such a funny, cute post!

    thanks for the comment in my blog.=D I'm following you now on Bloglovin and GfC=D
    http://beatricemalveda.blogspot.com/

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  14. beautiful post!!:):)Your blog is so lovely! I'm thinking, if you want, we can follow each other! It would be great!!
    http://www.borsadimarypoppins.com/
    xoxo Gloria

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  15. Hahaha I love your blog, is so funny!!
    Follow!

    ReplyDelete
  16. So cute dog. Perfect pics. Have a nice weekend.

    http://www.fashiondenis.com/

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  17. Your dog is so cute haha this was such an unusal post!

    http://alittlebitunique.blogspot.co.uk/

    x

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  18. pretty dog :) I like west :)

    ------------------------------
    http://qamille.blogspot.com

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  19. omg loved this so funny!!
    www.studdedkisses.com

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  20. This post is so funny! The picture of the dog with no hair is hilarious!

    catrionamacleod.blogspot.co.uk

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  21. interesting. Apparently my dog farts too, but i've actually yet to witness it. According to my mom, it surprises him when he farts... hahaha your dog is indeed quite cute :)

    -liv
    http://chocolivlovelaugh.blogspot.kr

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  22. Hello dear,
    Beautiful!
    Maybe you would like to follow each others blogs with blogger, facebook and bloglovin?

    http://www.facebook.com/pages/wolffashion/369430966451649

    Have a nice day!
    gV

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  23. hahahaha this post is so funny! and your dog looks so adorable and fluffy, despite his fondness to fart :) anyway happy new year to you!

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  24. jajajajjaajjajajaja super funny post! sad I don't have a cutie dog..

    XOXO, Collage Minimalista

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  25. This is hilarious!! My dog Frankie farts as an escape mechanism when she's anxious...ie when I try to cut her nails or trim her fur. And it is the most revolting smell too!

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  26. hahahah this is so funny
    but i hope it will be better at time goes by!
    happy new year!
    xoxo
    style frontier

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  27. ahahahaha!!! Poor little thing!^^
    Lovely photos, your doggie is soooo cute!
    xxx
    S

    http://s-fashion-avenue.blogspot.it

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  28. This literally made me laugh. My dog farted some days ago and god, it smelled like rotten egg. i shouted at her for farting and then she gave me this cute innocent eye, and i wouldn't think of plunking her hair.

    Happy New Year.
    <3
    The Electric Heart Girl

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  29. Dear Mr.Dior,
    your perfume sucks, especially when I spray it over my dog's anus.
    AND it gave him rash.
    I had to lie about 'no animal was hurt during...' on my blog!

    Way to go.

    Sincerely,
    Peet.

    :)

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    Replies
    1. :) Thanks for all of your comments!! I'm glad you find my misery funny.:D

      Delete
  30. Lol this is hilarious!

    katattack2000.wordpress.com

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  31. hahaha, seriously! I wonder if it can depend on their race, like my mum and granny both had poodles and they had some deadly weapons in their ass. Funny thing is: we all thought they were just sleeping anD...PROUT ! crazy fart machine was just killing you out of nowhere.

    I had 2 Lhasa Apso after that and I don't really remember them farting at all (it took a long time for them to pee OUTSIDE though).
    Anyway, he's lucky to be so cute

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  32. Well I sincerely enjoyed studying it. This subject offered by you is very effective for good planning,hard work and a great team always make a spotless work..i read your article and find that you make nice point on the service..thanks
    perfume for dogs

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  33. Bahahahahaha! My dog is developing this problem now. I feel like it's because she's just turned 7 (eeek!) and she's no spring chicken. But seriously damn she keeps letting them rip like it's no ones business and to make it worse she likes to fart in my face. So rude eh? Not like I do it to her, so maybe I should start. See how she likes it? I'll let you know the success rate of this one hahaha!

    SDMxx
    www.daringcoco.com

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  34. Omg I have never laughed so hard in my life....I total know how you feel as I have three westies and my wee aflie also has a rotting internal organ I have never smelt farts like his completely deadly .

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    Replies
    1. You have three??? Oooo... I feel for you.:D One is plenty - fart-wise.:) Otherwise I'd have 300 of them, not just westies, dogs in general, they're the best creatures in the world. But can you then imagine the smell???:D Say hi to your three little fur-balls, specially Alfie.;)

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