First off, let me just say I think spitting in public is a nasty, disgusting habit. I'm 100 % against it, period. But since it's raining men, whose spit is raining all over pavements and other public surfaces, I thought to myself maybe these idiots are on to something. So I thought long and hard to come up with a list of pros and cons. The hard part was narrowing down the number of cons, of course.
+PRO: Whoever sees you spit thinks: "This man has to come from a humble, hardworking class of society."
-CON: Whoever sees you spit thinks: "This man has to come from an ignorant, uneducated class of morons."
-CON: You spit in the middle of winter, your greasy, greenish/brownish discharge freezes and your poor grandma steps on it, slips and breaks her hip.
+PRO: You can now be her knight in shiny armor, take her to the hospital, become her favorite grandchild and get everything she owns after dying during her hip replacement surgery.
+PRO: You can spit over your shoulder and your spit lands on a face of a gorgeous woman, so you say to her: "Wanna taste another of my bodily fluids?" and you two live happily ever after - there's no better way to break the ice than with a little spit in your face.
-CON: You can spit over your shoulder and your spit lands on a face of a ripped juice head, who's also an avid spitter, and he breaks your face.
+PRO: If you get lost, you can always follow your spit trail back home. Like a modern version of Hansel and Gretel.
-CON: If you get lost, you can mistakingly follow someone else's spit trail back to their home and you end up at the house of the juice head, onto whom you've just spat, and he breaks your face. Again.
+PRO: Ladies think you're so rugged and exotic since you're obviously coming from a foreign culture where they have no culture. Spitting in public can be perceived as somewhat of a foreign accent.
-CON: Ladies just think you have no culture and since you're nasty enough to spray your germs in public like that, you probably aren't the friendliest with a bar of soap or any kind of soap so she definitely won't let you put your dick in her mouth.
-CON: A crawling baby can stumble into one of your spits, then put its little chubby spit-glazed finger in its mouth and get your nasty ass syphilis.
+PRO: The baby doesn't have to deal with that shit later on in life and can check STD off its to do list.
I know old habits die hard but think about it - is it worth it? Do you really want to harm your grandmother or an innocent baby? Find a new pastime activity, pick up chess, start a band, learn how to bake. But if you really can't quit spitting, think about purchasing a spitoon. It's a container designed just to be spat into and it's been around for a very long time - make use of it!
See you back on Wednesday, Friday and Monday.
Shirt: have no idea, too old