Some of you unfortunately already saw the video of Giovanna Plowman sucking on her own USED tampon (and then throwing up after getting sick from SUCKING ON HER OWN USED TAMPON) in search of fame and recognition. I've tweeted her shiny moment a few days ago so if you follow FPS on Twitter, you might have had a look already; if not, you can check it there. If you feel the need to see it that is.
Poor Giovanna (these days better known as the tampon girl) ... Desperate times call for desperate measures and if you're that desperate for fame, then you obviously have to do shit like this or rob a bank and make a video about it or something along those lines. True? No. I'm not going to talk about how disgusting her move was because it pretty much goes without saying - she taped herself eating her own damn period after all - but I am going to talk about how her plan wasn't well thought out.
If she was going for the 15 minutes of fame, then she had all of her bases covered: She did something nobody had done before, it was shocking and she videotaped it. BUT. If you want long(er)-lasting fame and glory, you need a concept. Where is she going to go from there? What will her next big move be? Stunts involving other bodily fluids are more or less out of the picture, because the porn industry fucked that up for her (quite literally) with all of the golden showers and Roman showers and what not. So how is she going to step up her game? Johnny Knoxville didn't just tape himself while a baby alligator chewed on his nipple and called it quits. There was a concept. Sacha Baron Cohen has done some crazy shit but he too has had a concept AND a message. Lady Gaga may be walking around in meat dresses, in eggs and with her own private satellites or whatever but did you know that she was a part of the program for gifted and talented youth at the Johns Hopkins Center just like Mark Zuckerberg (founded Facebook), Sergey Brin (co-founded Google) and George Hotz (hacked iPhone and PlayStation 3) were. She too has an IQ over 140. And a concept. What does Giovanna Plowman have? A video of herself sucking on a tampon.
There's not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that soon she'll be a benchwarmer just like Vanilla Ice is, never a significant part of the fame game she's so hungry for, pardon the pun. Be honest: Do you know any other Vanilla Ice's songs besides Ice Ice Baby?
For some people 15 minutes are all they need and I want to help those out. So if you have a camera and are willing to sell your dignity for a few clicks on YouTube, try one of these tips on how to get famous fast:
- Wax your lashes.
- Have sex with a tree.
- If you're feeling very adventurous, have sex with a cactus.
- Jump the fence and play tag with an ostrich, a rhino, a lion or any other animal at the local ZOO.
- Pop your zits and save your fat until you have enough to fry an egg.
- Staple your nipples together with an office stapler if you're a girl. Staple your mom's, sister's, girlfriend's ... nipples together while she's sleeping if you're a boy.
- See how many plums, cherries, marbles ... it takes for you to shove up your ass before they pop out through your mouth.
- Don't blow a president, make a sex tape with the pope.
- Make tea from your pubic hair and drink it. (Tricks like these involving your body parts and fluids can easily be elevated if you use other people's fluids and parts - a tip for Miss Plowman perhaps?)
- Try all of these out, not just one.
Denim shorts: Clark + DIY
Polka dot top: H&M
Leather jacket: Newyorker
Boots: Dr. Martens + DIY
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