A dog is a man's best friend, no question about that, and mine has certainly lived up to that reputation. But even though I can sometimes read his mind and he can read mine, there are a lot of things I find puzzling about the lovable creatures.
One of those things is: Why do they always go in circles before they lie down? Seriously, why? Is it an OCD thing? Each dog has a certain number of times they have to circle the spot, maybe that number depends on the time of day or the place where they want to lie down even, I don't know. "I have to go 3 times to the left and then 2 times to the right, so one, two... No, wait. Did I start with the left front paw? I think it was left back one. Damn, I have to start all over again. So one, two..." What's with the circling?? I don't circle on my bed before I go to sleep!
The next one is mind-boggling, weird and kinky all at the same time. Why do dogs sniff each other's butts? And don't say that that's how they get to know each other. You've met a fair share of people in your life but the number of butts you've smelled is a bit lower, I presume. What kind of information do dogs get by sniffing each other's buttholes. "Hey, man, you need to eat more fiber because you have hemorrhoids." Or: "You need to cut down on your protein intake because your asshole smells kind of funky. Now let me see if you drink enough water, where's your dick?"
I also don't get why do dogs lick. I know I've been mocking people who ask that question here, but honest to god, why do dogs lick? Imagine: you're sitting on the couch with your sister, friend, mother, uncle, father in law, whoever, just watching TV and you're licking the hell out of their leg until you're blue in the face or their toenails fall off. What's up with the licking?? I'll have to have a heart to heart with my fart machine to see what he has to say and I'll get back to you on that in a few posts...
There are plenty more cunning conundrums but I'll just mention one more: Why do dogs scratch after they've taken a dump? At first I thought it was something like closing the toilet lid but they miss their shit 99,9998 % of the time and kick stones and dirt into passing people and parked cars instead. Besides, you can't get most men to close the lid so I highly doubt that dogs do that voluntarily. Now I think it's more like a pat on the back they give themselves: "Yeah, I pooped the crap out of that shit, fuck, yeah!" And if it's that good, you get a little growling too: "Yeah, man, that felt grrrrrreat."
So these would be my dog related riddles. Some hard core existential questions, which have been chasing me in my sleep for years, really. Now you can feel the burden of them too.
Leos is wearing:
Fur coat: DIY
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