I think there comes a time when every girl in a relationship asks herself: "Am I being a good girlfriend?" There also comes a time when every boy asks himself: "Am I being a good boyfriend?" but I think the discrepancy between the frequency of male vs. female self-inquisition is so vast that you could fit the entire Grand Canyon and at least 3 adult, well-fed African elephants (not Indian, those are smaller) in it.
I'm not claiming that I'm the epitome of a perfect girlfriend, who always puts the happiness of her man first, don't get me wrong. If you asked my boyfriend, he'd tell you that he's a pretty miserable son of a gun, thanks to me. Let's be honest - there are more important things to strive for than my man's happiness, like global peace, saving the whales and making my own selfish self happy just to list a few from the top of my head. But I do have some tricks up my sleeve for anyone who actually wants to do something nice for their partner and make them a happier person.
- Learn how to squirt.
- Grow another boob.
- If you're thinking about growing another vagina - you already have one. Use it. Anal.
- Shut up.
- Speak up during and only during sex.
- For a month, pretend you're dumber than him. Sorry, not as smart as him.
- Another one very important is - anal.
- Tell him that you like his mother. Honestly.
- Tear down your Robert Pattinson posters and make one with his picture that says "Team Lloyd" or whatever his name is.
- And I can't believe I almost forgot - anal.
You don't have to be upset or offended by any of my suggestions, there's also a simpler solution, an easier way out: You can let him help you pick your outfit. That's what Coco does for Ice T and that man looks pretty content to me, although that might be due to all of her junk in the trunk. And "under the hood" too. I'm too lazy to do anything else and to my defense, learning how to squirt does look like a lot of work, so I decided to do what Coco does and we've come up with this:
Faux leather pants: Newyorker
Tassel earrings: DIY
Whether you think you're a good boyfriend/girlfriend or not, now be a good boy/girl and like, share and/or follow to help increase the number of happy men on the planet. There are new posts coming up every Monday, Wednesday and Friday so see you again this Wednesday!