I don't know what's the current weather situation like where you're from, but here it's been raining for days and all of the local earthworms came out to say hi and the snails have been having a blast too zooming about everywhere and I love it. I have a thing for all animals (among which humans are definitely my least favorite), I always have and I've been bitten by a swan and a mantis, because I always want to pet everything. And not just pet, I want to save all of the struggling creatures too.
I remember when I was about 6 years old and I was outside playing with my mother when all of a sudden I started crying hysterically (my brother says that was my favorite sport). My mom rushed to my side: "Honey, what's the matter, what is it, are you hurt?"
I shook my head and said: "Why did it have to die?"
I opened my hands and showed her a little dead mouse I'd found in the grass and that's when she sat me down and explained about how all mice like all other living creatures go to a special place when they cease to be. No. Not exactly. She flipped the fuck out. I don't know if it was the fact that I had touched a mouse, that the mouse was dead or that I had touched a mouse that was dead, but her eyes popped out and she started screaming. She smacked my hands, the poor mouse carcass went flying through the air and I got even more hysterical, what else.
"Are you crazy?! Touching a dead mouse?! I don't want to see you do that ever again! Is that understood?!"
So ok, I learned my lesson, touching dead animals doesn't fly (as long as you don't smack them out of my hands at least). Besides, there's not much you can do to save a DEAD anything, right? Now I understand that and I don't pick up animals when they've already moved on to greener pastures any more. But I do otherwise...
When I and my boyfriend were starting out, we went on a lot of walks together with my mouse impersonator. By a funny twist of fate, during one of these walks, I saw an earthworm struggling in the middle of the pavement so I picked it up and put it down on a nearby patch of grass and my boyfriend took my hand and said how lucky he was to be with such a caring person like me. No. Not exactly. He flipped the fuck out. I don't know if it was the fact that I had touched an earthworm, that the worm was still squiggling in my hand or that I had touched an earthworm that was still squiggling, but he let go of my hand, took two large steps away from me and started screaming.
"You're crazy if you think you're touching me we those hands! What's wrong with you?!"
He literally didn't let me kiss him until I took a shower. I remember thinking: "Well, this isn't going to last very long." That was 7 years ago.
To my (and his) defense, he stopped being such a sissy when it comes to germs eventually, although I still don't save earthworms when he's around just to be safe. But the other day, I just couldn't help myself when I saw 4 snails crawling across the pavement towards the grassy haven, one of them being a baby snail. As I picked them up one by one, he sighed:
"Oh my god. This again?"
"What? I'm touching just their shells. See, there's no slime," wiping my fingers on my sweatpants to show him there are no marks.
"You know you're not getting on my bed in those pants now, right?!"
"Come on, don't tell me you've never touched a snail before."
"No. Never. Na-a."
"Come on! You've never had a snail crawling on your hand when you were a kid?" He just stared at me completely shocked or panicky, I don't know, it was dark, I couldn't tell. "When I was a kid, I spent a whole summer just looking for snails and holding them, waiting for them to feel comfortable enough to start crawling. It's the coolest feeling ever."
"I... Don't know what to say."
Then I explained to him why I think snails are cool and although he found information intriguing, I don't think he was as impressed as I am. But maybe you'll be. Snails are hermaphrodites, which means that they have both male and female reproductive organs (remember Lady Gaga being accused of being one a while back) and they have something called a love dart. That's an actual dart, which they shoot towards each other at the end of their mating dance, which can last up to 6 hours (now that's some foreplay). Can you honestly tell me that that isn't cool?! That makes human sex seem like we're amateurs...
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