Jun 14, 2013

If I can see your clogged pores in my rear view mirror, you're too close

      Two funny things happened yesterday. When I was driving to meet up with a friend, I thought: "I've been driving for almost 10 years now and I've only been in one accident." And when I met up with him and we sat down at a bar, he ordered a beer and I ordered a lemonade. Yes, a lemonade.
      He looked at me and said: "You can't drink alcohol or something?"
      "No, I just don't feel like drinking." Even I looked down at my mouth confused by the words that were coming out of it.
      About two hours later, I was sitting in my car, thinking why the fuck didn't I use the bathroom before we left because all that lemonade and vitamin C quickly ended in my bladder. Then I saw a dude standing by a fruit stand selling cherries across the street and all of a sudden the car in front of me hit the brakes because the person in the car in front of it decided to buy some of the cherries (you can see that exact idiot buying the cherries in the second picture in the Mercedes). The thing is, you can't make a turn there let alone stop and we were all caught off guard. I hit the brakes and stopped thinking: "Fuck me, this was close, thank god I stopped in time." In that same nano second, I lifted up my hand to turn on all four signal lights and I looked in the rear view mirror to see how far the dude behind me was - not far. All I saw was his eyes protruding from his frightened face and then he hit me. I thought: "You didn't just fucking hit me, you moron!!" and then the car behind him slammed into him and they both smashed into me again and threw me into the car ahead. Twice.
      My black mirror aviator sunglasses flew off my face and hit the steering wheel. Don't worry, glasses are fine, not a scratch. I probably did more damage to them when I picked them up and threw them to the side because I was so mad. I yelled out a slur of some very profound profanities, which I better not repeat here, unbuckled my seat belt and got out of the car, ready to repeat that exact verbiage again to the guy in the grey car behind me. When I got out, I saw his bewildered face, he had his kid son with him (it turned out they were on their way to get him something for his 18th birthday, which is today), the woman in front of me had two children, a girl and a boy, in her car and when I looked to the right, I saw that the last car's airbags went off and both the driver and the front seat passenger were bleeding.
      Fuck, this is serious, I can't get mad...
      I asked if everybody was ok and if anybody called the police. They were all so confused and just waved their hands and explained how the person, who made the turn, was at fault, but no, nobody called the cops or the ambulance. So I called them. When they came, my favorite part happened. All of the drivers told what had happened and then the police officer pointed to the guy in the green car and said: "Everybody get his information and make a claim with his insurance company, because it's his fault."
      "No, wait... What? How is this my fault?" the green car guy said.
      "You ran into the car in front of you, sir."
      "But what about the person that stopped and turned to buy the fruit?"
      "If I find them (of course the fruit buyer and the illegal fruit seller both split the scene), I'll gladly write them a ticket for improper turning. But they didn't caused the accident, sir, you did."
      "But there's nothing I could've done!"
      "Yes, you could've. You could've stopped in time if you kept your distance."
      "No, I couldn't have, there's no way I could!"
      "She did," pointing at me. I gave him one of those smiles that say "we wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for your dumb ass, stupid!" but can easily be mistaken for "what can we do, we're all in this mess together." He misread it.
      Of course, everybody had to take a Breathalyzer test and I was very pleased with myself - two wins in one day: I kept my distance (and proved I'm a safe driver despite everybody giving me a hard time I drive like a speed-crazed maniac) and I didn't drink. If there weren't for that huge dent at the back of MY BOYFRIEND'S car, it would've been a slam dunk for me.
      When it was all said and done, the girl form the car in front of me came up to me and said: "I just wanted to say your tattoos are awesome!!"
       "Well... Thanks!" I smiled ear to ear. I'm sure your mother doesn't agree.
      Then I called first my boyfriend and then my mom and they both kept asking me if I was ok or if I was just saying that. And I was, I was 100 % ok - yesterday. Today I feel like I spent the entire afternoon at the gym yesterday, but it's nothing that a beer or two won't cure - hey, it's Friday, I'm allowed! You want to know something else? That green car guy and my boyfriend have the same first name - obviously the desire to rear end me comes with the name.

      P.S.: I purposely didn't post any photos of the outfit I was wearing, because I really don't want any love-the-shoes comments below this post. I'm deeply passionate about the message and in case you didn't get it, let me spell it out for you: KEEP YOUR FUCKING DISTANCE. Keep your distance when you're in your car as well as just in your jeans, I don't want you grinding up on me, period. There is a safe distance rule, so don't be an ignorant moron because those airbags aren't magical. Besides, with a face like mine all pierced and full of metal, I would've ended up looking like Swiss cheese if I hadn't kept my distance and relied on the airbag. (I case you got the message and would still love a visual, I wore this shirt here, these pants here, this belt here and this flats here so there you have it.)

      Feel free to share, like, tweet, mail, smoke-signal this and please do. And what's more, be fucking safe out there. Posting days are Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays so do come back next Monday. Till then...



  1. christ, what a story! thank god you’re fine!


  2. Omg :/
    goood, that u are ok!
    Kisses x

  3. jesus, that must've been hell! what a couple of morons!!
    since i'm starting drivers lessons at the end of this year, i'm taking this story to hear <3
    hope you feel well soon dear
    xx ish

  4. OMG!!!! Glad ur fine... Nd avaiters too ... Hehe...

    Keep in touch,

  5. Oh my gawd! Horrible! I also had a car accident once. Thank god you are okay!!


  6. Well, glad to hear that you're ok. And not glad to hear that the need to ride someone's ass is alive and well everywhere as I only thought it was a unique phenomenon in California :-p


  7. A similar thing happened to a friend of mine this week. Yes, always best to keep your distance. Glad you're fine!


  8. thank god you are fine! But just to relax your body from shock and tense muscles i would go to an osteopath or get a proper massage to soothe your body! Your outfit post during the accident is sooo not important but your body is! x

  9. Omg thank the metaphorical god you're okay. Drink all the beer you need, girl! I'm thanking the lucky stars for you, for this one.

    xo Ashley

  10. Oh God! what a day!!!


  11. Blooming ell hun, I'm so sorry to hear this. This is probably the most shocking post I have ever read. I'm not sure what to say apart from - get well soon hun and mind those idiots that can't keep their distance!

  12. Gosh! So glad everyone was ok! So vindicating that the police recognized your good driving skills and put the guy to blame in his place! :)



  13. Love your outfit!

    Haha, just joking. Doom, that seems scary. I'm very lucky to have been drinking 9 years and no crashes yet! I am glad you are okay and enjoy your beers tonight =)

    Corinne x

  14. You're lucky to be all right. People are just stupid. I got my driving license last summer and the thing really scares me about driving is the kind of people swarming around...

    on the bright side... another story to tell =)

  15. OMG that's crazy! so happy you weren't hurt!!

    xxx Lady à la Mode

  16. Replies
    1. Thanks to everyone for the nice comments, it's really sweet to see that people don't wish me hurt. Or dead.:D I'm feeling fine today, I guess those beers really helped...

  17. Hhahahahahahaaaa! I know this is not a laughing matter, but you are fracking hilarious. I'm really loving how you spelled this out. I can almost see you telling this story waving your hands around and raising your voice. So funny. I can't even begin to speak about the douche-wangs driving around in LA.

    1. I'm actually glad you find it funny because it wasn't meant as a depressing story.:) And you're right, I'm a very "hand-wavy" person when it comes to speaking.:D

  18. thank goodness you're ok, and yes I agree 110% on the keep your distance rule, I'll never understand the logic in being that close to someone while driving

  19. Oh dear, I'm glad your okay. Nicely written post btw lol ;)

  20. Oh! We're glad you are okay, but it's a little funny that the same day you thought you had never had any accident! haha
    Lots of kisses,



  21. Hi dear, first of all I am glad to hear that you are safe after this awful ordeal and unharmed. It could have been a lot worse. I can't understand the mentality of some drivers, really careless and reckless. Sorry about the car, that can be fixed, if anyone was seriously injured, that would have been worse. Sadly I have been witness to that. I hope the other two injured people you mentioned will be okay. You were so wise not to have been drinking! I hope this all gets sorted out soon!

  22. YES! Thank God no one was seriously injured, but I totally hear what you're saying. Driving rules are there for a reason, and keeping distance is one that saves lives. For real. Ugh.
    What happened to you was obviously not good, but your post imparted such a great message.

  23. perfect title and nothing wrong about going lemonade in a bar...if you're fun by yourself, you do not depend on alcohol
    * MlleWanderlust Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ

  24. The same thing happened to me once :-( I am so sorry this had to happen. You know how we call people driving real close to you? 'Gatdabbers'. Basically means that they're trying to get in your ass. But at least you're okay, that's the most important thing!

  25. Wow - not the memory you love to keep in your mind... Wishing you the best for your future. Love,


  26. Oh girl... some people do not should drive! Stop to buy fruit! OMG! No coments!
    Glad you are ok!


  27. Man what a story! Just read the whole thing! Don't n Le what to say besides "hope you are ok" "glad you are not hurt" etc etc....rare ended is one of the most shxxty thing besides getting t boned by a run-a-red-elderly driver (aka I was th victim btw).
    Regardless, yes, keep the effing distance people!!

  28. wow that's really crazy! glad everyone is okay though. It's really scary because you never know when something like that is going to happen. You have to react quickly and sometimes that doesn't happen...

    Alexa <3

  29. OMG, I am glad that you didn't hurt yourself and that that guy had all the faults: men, they just don't know how to drive :)
    Don't Call Me Fashion Blogger

  30. I´m glad nothing bad happened to you! I know how traumatical car accidents can be even if nobody was hurt! I really hate it when people don´t keep their distance and as I´m frequently driving on German motorways where there is no(!) speed limit I always pray to God that that guy in the Audi behind me (Audi drivers are the maddest) has good brakes.

  31. I'm glad you're fine. I know some people should not allow to drive, right.


  32. Wow girly, glad you are ok!! I work in Insurance so have heard these stories all before, that dude is totally at fault, the douche who stopped to get cherries is still a douche though haha. Take care xx


  33. it`s good that you can talk about it in such a funny way. it`s awesome to read stuff like this while you`re at work, puts a smile on one`s face. I`m glad you`re ok, though, and nothing bad happened to you

  34. hahahahahah oh you are funny, Peet. 'The desire to rear end me must come with the name'...hahahaha! :D so glad you're okay and able to to tell the tale.

    Holly xoxo

  35. Glad to hear you lived to tell the tale of this one, Peet!


  37. Awesome post just freaking awesome, you might not drive like a maniac (which is very good and cool actually) you write like a maniac :D



  38. OK I'm glad you're safe, but sorry I have this urge to say... "I love the shoes" =P
    Anyway I'm glad I don't drive (but I have to deal with psychos in the metro which is definately a bad situation)


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