If you hoped, this post is going to be about animal print, you're going to be disappointed. If you were afraid this post is going to be about animal print, you're in luck. It's not going to be about that, it is going to be about sex. Or to be more exact, about pornography.
For some reason, I've been preoccupied with pornography recently, unfortunately not in the best way possible (which is watching it, in case any of you is wondering what I meant by that). Everywhere I went, conversation naturally led to it and before I knew it, xHamster, Tera Patrick and Jenna Jameson were at the table with us. That's more than fine with me, because ever since I can remember, I was fascinated by the concept of pornography, but, please, let me elaborate on that before you dub me some creepy porn maniac (not that it's anything wrong with that if it doesn't hurt your social life - or your hand).
Watching porn, I always look at all of the details and think about if they make sense (they don't), as for example the story (yes, the story line is considered one of the details when it comes to porn). I also think about the girl(s)'s make-up, who chose their outfits, did the guy(s) oiled themselves up or not, do actors shave or wax, why do girl(s) moan with pleasure when they get smacked across their faces with a dick, how many cameras did they use, can you tell the girl(s)'s nationality just by the non-lexical noises they make, what do their moms think, do guy(s)'s dad(s) think they have the best job in the world, what would my brother think if I was a porn actress, how many takes of a certain scene did they have to film, how many people are there on the set behind the cameras, are the boobs real or not (and then I study their bounce), how many times did the guy(s) come before they shot the coming scene, what is the guy, who's holding the mic, thinking, does his arms hurt... And before I even realize it, I'm thinking if the sperm is real or not and the whole thing is over. That's how my brain works and it really is a bitch because it works with full speed almost all the time and this makes me the worst person to watch porn with (sorry, boo), but I can re-focus it, I just have to switch off my logical and rational self - ok, watching porn, this is so frigging hot, yes, there's a huge, throbbing cock squeezing its way inside some pink, moist pussy attached to a woman, who isn't having sex on camera in front of a crew of 10 random people just to get paid and feed herself and her two kids at home but is genuinely enjoying it, so hot, yes, hooray for porn.
There are people, who think there's something wrong with me and say I think too much, but I think (here I go with the thinking again, so annoying, right?) that I'm going to engage in the onscreen action more easily if the movie won't suck. You can't play a black and white horror flick and expect me to get scared by the zombie when I can see the tag on its frigging costume still attached. Get it? If they could make the Eye of Sauron, the army of elves and Pandora look real, there surely is pornographic material out there, which isn't ridiculous or at least not completely stupid and degrading - degrading to viewer's intellect that is. And there is. No, I'm not talking about Pirates, the 4th most expensive pornographic movie made to date, because I've watched it and except for the budget, it's not much different than any other porn movie. But it is funny, the dialogues are literally and intentionally funny, I'd even say witty at times - they could easily broadcast it instead of Frasier re-runs on a Sunday afternoon. Thumbs up for that (and for that Jesse and Belladonna scene!).
Thanks to the glory that is the World Wide Web, all of the perverts everywhere now get to see and enjoy some genuine and juicy sexual action - amateur porn videos, which are scripted, directed, recorded, performed and edited by regular Janes and Dicks, doing it like animals. And that's what I'm talking about! The internet might have given us something to watch, but it has also given someone else something else - money. And lots of it. Which I hadn't even realized (or thought about, which is surprising), before I opened some magazine last week and found a 3-page article about non other than - pornography. Since I was being bombarded with dicks and vaginas and busty blond babes left and right for this past week, it only seemed fair I shared some information from that article with you.
Did you know that every 39 minutes there's a new porn flick made? Last year, Hollywood made about 400 new movies, while the pornographers were slightly busier giving us 11 000 new adult films. Just in the great U.S. of A., the porn industry brings in somewhere from 10 to 14 billion dollars a year, of course the biggest winners are the internet porn lords, who own the biggest porn sites such as Xvideos (which gets 4,5 billion views per month), YouPorn, Tube8 and PornHub - only Google and Facebook make more money than these sites. This comes as no surprise if you know that every second there's more than 30 000 people browsing one of the numerous porn sites. Imagine that. I'm actually shocked you're reading this right now and not doing something more... Orgasmic. But before you do, here's another lovely data: Your mom or your priest might tell you not to play with yourself at all, but the experts say that as long as you do it up to 11 hours per week, you're fine. Yup, that's the verdict, 11 hours per week - now you know if you can officially call yourself a perv or not. Can you?
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