I always say that stupid people are the salt of life, because they make all of our lives a little (and sometimes a lot) less bland. There's an entire page dedicated to such special individuals and there's nothing better than browsing through those true stories on a rainy day with nothing better to do or when you need a little pick-me-up to feel better about yourself. The story I'm about to tell today is also true. I do tend to be sarcastic on rare occasions, yes, I'll give you that, but not this time. May lightning strike your computer right now if this story isn't the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help your computer Buddha. See, you're still reading.
I worked at different jobs all through my high school and university years so I've got to know a lot of different people, one of them being a tall, slim, gorgeous city girl with long dark fake hair, long fake nails and dark fake tan. For the sake of this story, let's call her L.D. (Long Dark). Just to set the mood, I'm going to tell you about her phone first: It was dark, slim and when she opened it, tall as well. But surprisingly not fake - it was an actual Samsung F210. And this was an actual conversation onetime during our coffee break:
"Oh, no. Not again..." She said with a sad face, pouting.
"What is it, L.D.?"
"See, this phone is too small for me. Or are these nails too long? I don't know."
"Why, what is it?"
"Whenever I type a message and I want to send it, I hit delete with my nail by mistake because the keys are so close together."
"Why don't you get another phone then OR just shorten your nails?"
"No, I can't do that. I like my phone and I like my nails, they're so pretty..."
"Oh, well, I'm just going to type it again." And so she did. She started typing again and for the next two minutes she was silent until: "Oh, no, not again... Oh, well, I'm just going to call him later."
If she managed to do that, I don't know, but I do know that it's quite possible that she didn't. I also know of and remember yet another colorful conversation revolving around her hair extensions.
"I'd never get hair extensions, taking care of that plastic hair has to be so much work. Isn't it?" I said.
"This isn't fake hair, though."
"Oh, you've got the expensive ones, you've got real human hair?"
"Oh, no, silly," she giggled, "it's horse hair."
"Yes, horse hair. You know the hair form the horse's tail."
"I... I'm pretty sure it isn't, babe. It's either synthetic or it's human."
"Oh, thank god, then no horse had to die for my hair."
"Die? Why would a horse had to die?"
"Because you cut their tail off. Or don't horses ever die?"
This bitch ain't for real. "Wait, what? Why would a horse die if you cut off its tail? And why wouldn't horses die, L.D.?? Of course they die! What are you talking about??"
"I don't know. I thought because they're in stables they never die."
I'm scared for the future of our planet now... "Of course they die, all horses die. All living things die! Remember primary school biology?!"
"Oh, that was such a long time ago. Besides, I was never really good at biology, you know. I think I got like a C."
I have a message for all biology teachers out there: You're failing at your job, miserably. I think that L.D.s of the world are the ones to blame that our species isn't more advanced because they're fucking up our evolution. It's really a shame that Darwin Awards aren't given out more frequently.
Sunglasses: H&M (men)
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