|My boyfriend's worst nightmare - two of me.|
Since I don't want my vagina to stumble across this post and get offended let me make a short disclaimer first: I love being a woman and having all of the right womanly parts. If you don't believe me, check this post here. So even though it's all good in the vaginal hood, there's nothing wrong with a little bit of penis either. In all honesty, there are some itsy bitsy advantages which come with the meaty outgrowth dangling between one's legs so here's why I wish I had a penis.
- A penis can shrink, which makes it economical space-wise and thus travel friendly. One might argue that vagina doesn't take up much space as it is and can also be used as an additional storage compartment, but one has to keep in mind one (or two) fact(s) - a vagina always comes with a pair of boobs and those aren't shrinking, they're just sagging.
- You can stick things up a penis if you really wanted to (like a tongue piercing) AND you can stick the penis itself somewhere - between boobs, behind an ear, in an elbow crease, the possibilities are endless. Sure, you can stick things up vagina too, but how are you going to stick a vagina anywhere? You can't, even if you really REALLY wanted to. Vaginas are missing out.
- This next one is a no-brainer. You can pee standing up. Dooh. You can pee in the sink while you're brushing your teeth - if that's not the biggest penile asset, I don't know what is!
- Having a dick is like being blond - you always have an excuse at hand when you're doing something stupid or just being an idiot, you simply say that you were thinking with your lower brain. If you have a penis and are blond, then you really have it made.
- Ever since I heard about "the stranger" in a movie, I've wanted to try it to see if it really works. For those of you who don't know what a stranger is, it's when a dude sits on his hand and waits until it goes numb and then masturbates with the numb hand and supposedly it should feel like he's getting a rub down from a stranger - hence the name. And I'll never know.
- I've always wanted a penis because I really really really really really really really really want to say to somebody: "Suck my dick!"
- When there's no toilet paper left in the restroom, you can simply shake it till you make it - dry. Shaking your vagina doesn't work. Trust me, I tried.
- Whether the destination's too big or to narrow, the penis never hurts. If anyone's in pain during intercourse, it's the woman.
- The lickable part isn't hairy - there's no need for any silky smooth (and excruciatingly painful) hair removal.
- When there's a discharge coming out of a penis, it's because it's really happy, not because it's that time of the month.
If you're still not convinced of the phallic advantages, I'll give you two dictionary entries to compare. A vagina is "a passage between a woman's outer sexual organs and her uterus". A passage. That's it. A vagina's just something insignificant existing only to connect two other more significant entities. While a penis is "the outer sex organ of men and male animals, which is used for sex and through which waste water comes out of the body". Talk about sexism in language. And besides, everybody knows dicks rule, even lesbians and feminists. They just don't want to deal with the redundancies attached to them so they satisfy themselves with floppy vibrating silicone replicas.
|Jeans - Bershka, t-shirt - H&M, jacket - eBay, belt - H&M, boots - Deichmann|
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