Sep 20, 2013

Why I Wish I Had a Penis

My boyfriend's worst nightmare - two of me.

      Since I don't want my vagina to stumble across this post and get offended let me make a short disclaimer first: I love being a woman and having all of the right womanly parts. If you don't believe me, check this post here. So even though it's all good in the vaginal hood, there's nothing wrong with a little bit of penis either. In all honesty, there are some itsy bitsy advantages which come with the meaty outgrowth dangling between one's legs so here's why I wish I had a penis.

  1. A penis can shrink, which makes it economical space-wise and thus travel friendly. One might argue that vagina doesn't take up much space as it is and can also be used as an additional storage compartment, but one has to keep in mind one (or two) fact(s) - a vagina always comes with a pair of boobs and those aren't shrinking, they're just sagging.
  2. You can stick things up a penis if you really wanted to (like a tongue piercing) AND you can stick the penis itself somewhere - between boobs, behind an ear, in an elbow crease, the possibilities are endless. Sure, you can stick things up vagina too, but how are you going to stick a vagina anywhere? You can't, even if you really REALLY wanted to. Vaginas are missing out.
  3. This next one is a no-brainer. You can pee standing up. Dooh. You can pee in the sink while you're brushing your teeth - if that's not the biggest penile asset, I don't know what is!
  4. Having a dick is like being blond - you always have an excuse at hand when you're doing something stupid or just being an idiot, you simply say that you were thinking with your lower brain. If you have a penis and are blond, then you really have it made.
  5. Ever since I heard about "the stranger" in a movie, I've wanted to try it to see if it really works. For those of you who don't know what a stranger is, it's when a dude sits on his hand and waits until it goes numb and then masturbates with the numb hand and supposedly it should feel like he's getting a rub down from a stranger - hence the name. And I'll never know.
  6. I've always wanted a penis because I really really really really really really really really want to say to somebody: "Suck my dick!"
  7. When there's no toilet paper left in the restroom, you can simply shake it till you make it - dry. Shaking your vagina doesn't work. Trust me, I tried.
  8. Whether the destination's too big or to narrow, the penis never hurts. If anyone's in pain during intercourse, it's the woman.
  9. The lickable part isn't hairy - there's no need for any silky smooth (and excruciatingly painful) hair removal.
  10. When there's a discharge coming out of a penis, it's because it's really happy, not because it's that time of the month.
      If you're still not convinced of the phallic advantages, I'll give you two dictionary entries to compare. A vagina is "a passage between a woman's outer sexual organs and her uterus". A passage. That's it. A vagina's just something insignificant existing only to connect two other more significant entities. While a penis is "the outer sex organ of men and male animals, which is used for sex and through which waste water comes out of the body". Talk about sexism in language. And besides, everybody knows dicks rule, even lesbians and feminists. They just don't want to deal with the redundancies attached to them so they satisfy themselves with floppy vibrating silicone replicas.

Jeans - Bershka, t-shirt - H&M, jacket - eBay, belt - H&M, boots - Deichmann

      Please, feel free and welcome to follow FPS via Twitter or Bloglovin to get the latest updates. Posting days are Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays so see you next week - enjoy your weekend and go and do all the crazy things I would and wouldn't do!



  1. Hahaha, so funny! And the pee standing up aspect is very true. Especially if you're in a public - and disgusting - bathroom.

  2. Amen! If only we could pee standing up.. A man's life is so easy and way cheaper! No makeup to buy, no tampons to buy. I'd take a penis over a period any day. Also, these pictures are cool. Two of you sounds like a great time (no homo.... that's a lie.) ;) Haha!

    xo Ashley

  3. that's all so true!!!!
    and loved your outfit! that's so my style!

  4. Hahaha... Very goid post...
    Keep in touch,


  5. Wonderful photos:)
    Great blog :)
    You look amazing :)
    So cute :)
    Fell free to visit me on my blog and follow by GFC

  6. You kill me with your inventive witty posts, I was omg-ing with this one at every point. We will never know! Thanks for your kind words. Have a great weekend!

  7. Seriously, being able to pee standing up might make camping trips more bearable...haha!
    Love your perfect fit white skinny jeans!

    The Dragonfruit Diaries

  8. You and your friend look fantastic in your white Bershka jeans. Not to burst your envy bubble too much, but: Some women have developed the talent of peeing while standing and accurately too (I saw a photo of it) which is something that can not be said for most men. Men almost always get some pee on the floor. Men are capable of peeing while sitting down (like I do) and not making a mess. I once saw written on a bathroom wall: "No matter how you shake wiggle and dance, the last drops always fall in your pants." I think men should wear panty-liners too. There's one other disadvantage with penises. That's where most men have their brains, and there isn't much room there. Also I don't think men can enjoy vibrators as much as women do. Then again I think many get some slack for being almost expected to be lechers, and when they get called a prick some of them might take it as a complement. On a truly nutty note, I always wondered if I got a vagina transplant whether I could be artificially inseminated with my own DNA and give birth to a clone of myself (egad, what a thought). One advantage to having a penis: It feels REALLY good in a pair of slippery nylon panties.

    1. I know those genius women exist, but it's just not that easy as you make it seem. But I'll admit, it's gotta be hard to aim that pee because - as weird as this is going to sound - I've tried it.:D (My boyfriend peed and I aimed, I'm a curious person, what can I do.:)) But consider this: When you're at a clean restroom you can simply sit down, but when you're at a dirty public toilet, you can simply pee standing up - now that's luxury.:D

  9. Once again so true Peet! I would love to be a dude for a week, oh the fun we'd have! xx

  10. I must admit I've found myself wanting to be a boy on the odd occasion too

    x. Pixelhazard | Bright Green Laces|

  11. ahaha, you are always writing some unique and really special thoughts in here, as nobody else! I personally have never even dreamed about having a penis, I love everything about being a girl, except periods I suppose:) Though I agree with you in many points you have mentioned here.
    Photographs are also cool, well done:)

  12. You always crack me up, Peet! Hope you're having a great weekend :)


  13. AWESOME pants! I´ve been looking for some like these all summer long... When it comes to penises I agree that boys have some advantages xD Over here we have a saying that goes like "You get on my balls" which means "You get on my nerves" and it sucks that I can´t use that saying so I normally say "You get on my ovaries" instead xD

    1. Ovaries.:D I sometimes say "Suck my tit!" but it's not that cool... It would be so much easier if we just had a frigging dick!

  14. 5. Surely you could make your hands go numb and have a wank as a girl? Maybe you should try it.

    6. Why can't you tell people to suck your dick? I tell people at work all the time to suck my dick when they tell me to do something or ask me to do something I don't want to do. Works a treat.

    Corinne x

    1. 5. Come on, that's not the same!!:D

      6. Sure, I can say "I'm an elephant!" but that doesn't make me one.:) Whenever I say suck my dick, people correct me saying that I don't have one, so the phrase loses all its power. But if I had a penis... Now that would be a whole nother story!

  15. Hilarious post, nice pictures too.

  16. It can shrink thus travel friendly! LOL how do you come up with these posts!? Made my day!

  17. You have made a very convincing argupenis (thats a penis argument - made up a word) however , other than peeing standing up (for which one can purchase a she-wee ((though I cannot recommend this as I have never tried)) I have not been convinced that i am missing out in the penis department... what about getting an erection at an inopportune time - SMAME - what about not being able to get hard when it is called for - OH THE SHAME! I am glad I can hide my bits (and potentially hide things IN my bits) :-P

    ♥ Paula Shoe Fiend.

  18. So funny! I'd like to see what it's like for one day just to see how intercourse and orgasm feels from their perspective, other than that I definitely wouldn't want that dangling between my legs every day, how annoying must that be!

  19. Haha, what a fun post :-) I laughed so hard at number 4. You are SO right! Men always have an excuse...

  20. great look! love the pants!!!
    Maybe we follow each other !?
    If yes , let me know if you follow me :) I´ll follow back ;)

    Greetings & happy sunday!

  21. LOL I always wished I had a penis, just to pee anywhere. I don't need more than that.

  22. Your reasons are really valid, especially standing up pees, doing stupid things and not shaving your lower hair(this is relative). However, I have extremely clear the reason why I would have a penis: penises enjoy sex more. You can tell me that is relative but it is not.
    Years ago I dreamed I was a man. Yes, I'm normal. No, I havem't got severe trauma. I dreamed I was a man and I fucked a busty blonde who was very good looking. I have a vagina and I enjoy sex, but when I woke up I knew I had seen the light. That was in cre di ble. Since that day I understand a little my boyfriend's dirty mind.


  23. You always make me laugh. And as to reason number 6, you could probably just say it anyways and deal with a couple weird stares. If you had a penis and said it, well you just might get slapped. Sometimes I wish I had a penis too. Of course, I love being a woman too, but it's just the curiosity.

  24. Hillarious! by the way love the photos ... 2 of you standing together !

    Nice boots.

    Visit me when you free


  25. OK firstly I am so confused. Did you photoshop yourself twice in these photos! Bahahaha seriously I can't figure it out, and yes I'm having one of those blonde days, more like weeks so don't hate! I am soooo happy I waited till I was alone to read this because I couldn't stop from LOLing and shouting agreements with you. If there were people around me they'd think I was all crazy and shit, and they don't need another reason to believe so! And I mean, point 4, that hit the nail on the head right there. Totally made. Penis carring humans have the most legitimate excuses for blaming it on that organ, and it's totally true. A girl can't sleep around and blame her vagina because no one would find that a viable excuse and just call it out as a slut. That's no fair and something I really, really hate. And then number 8. Yes the penis will always win in that round wont he. Unless he stuck it in a fresh out of the oven apple pie. Ha! Let's see who's in pain with that one!

    BTW I read your 'about' page darling and loved it. You helped remind me why I started to blog in the first place and why I've been so bored with it of late. It's a creative outlet and a way for me to craft some words, jumble them up and make sense. So that's what I gonna do. Thank you my love, also I'm an 86 baby too! Hurray! I thought I was the only one hahahaha!

    1. Yes, you're the only one born in '86!:D And I put two pictures together - I put the camera on a tripod and took two exactly the same shots but I was in two different places and I merged them together in PS. It's actually dead simple but can look really cool.

  26. Good post and really enjoyed reading it


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