Today I had some slight issues with fog brain (or is it brain fog?) and I couldn't get my mind to work properly. I complained to my friend about it saying that all I wanted to do is snuggle with my main squeeze (the dog, who else) on the couch, watch something stupid and have a drink but instead I still had to get a post together because I had nothing prepared to what he said I should just drink a bottle and write something. Erm... Ok. Apparently grape juices have some magical effect on creative juices, even though I haven't finished my bottle yet, because I managed to remember I had some leftover ideas from when I wrote this post on having a penis and I made them into this: A list of reasons why I wish I were a man (because having a penis isn't the same as being a man, you know, a penis does not a man make, no, besides, I did promise here, I'd write one). And I do, sometimes I really do want to be a man, but not often, because I love all my womanly bits and all other womanly bits in general. Did that sound weird? If this or anything else sounds weird, blame it on my friend, I had nothing to do with any of this. Ok, with some I did... Moving on. The list!
- Not just that facial hair is über cool and stylish, it also has super powers - you can hide stuff in there or save some food in it for later or simply cover some skin issues (such as acne) with it.
- The Holy Threesome or the Three Nos - no need for hair removal, no need for heels, no need for g-strings.
- Grey hair on a man is charming. Fuck men.
- Men can take Viagra, but there's no magic pill for women (because we're not that easy, luckily/unfortunately).
- Men supposedly have lower pain threshold meaning they can endure more pain and suffering. As if that in itself isn't great enough and whether that's true or not, they don't have to deal with menstrual cramps, sensitive breasts before period, hair removal and labor pain anyway (but they still want us to believe they're butch).
- Speaking of labor pain, when they get a child, they a) don't have to deal with any physical torment and b) can go out and get shitfaced.
- Speaking of shitfaced, men can drink more alcohol (when they get a baby and otherwise). Yes, in my alcohol-loving head that's a plus, deal with it.
- Men don't have to take contraception pills. They could use condoms, but they complain about a condom killing all the fun and preventing them from feeling enough pleasure - mind you, they are sensitive sissies and the condom is about 0.019 mm to 0.07 mm thick (just for comparison, a human hair is about 0.04 to 0.25 mm thick, I googled it) so yes, the condom kills all the fun, let women binge on hormones and get fat and moody and suffer from migraines just so men don't have to wear condoms, them poor things. Fuck men. With condoms!
- If you are a man, your biological clock isn't half as harsh on you as if you have a vagina - those spermies shooting out of your phallus don't go stale till you're dead or too wise to want kids anyways.
- Statistically speaking, I'd make more money than my female colleagues for doing exactly the same thing or even doing less - just because I'm a man, for no other reason. Fuck men.
In case you're still not convinced the grass on the men's side of the fence is in fact greener and more cushiony and has more 4-leaf clovers, then check the pictures in this post: CLICK. If Gerard Depardieu can get laid, but Sophia Loren has to get bazillion plastic surgeries, then there really is something to being a man or at least society is siding with the xy bunch. Fuck men.
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