Last night, my boyfriend came over. All three of us (he, I and the dog, of course) watched some TV and then we were ready to go to bed. This process usually isn't eventful but yesterday it turned out to be pretty amusing.
I took the dog out for his 6th and final whiz for the day (senior dog bladder issues) and then came back, locked the door and went to my bedroom. In an attempt to change into my PJs, I took off my sweatpants and my underwear when all of a sudden my boyfriend started squirming around the room.
"What's with you?"
"Joe's in the room!"
"What Joe?! Where?!"
"There!" he said pointing at my desk. I leaned over it bottomless to see what the fuck was going on and there I saw a tiny brown bug crawling across the laptop.
"This is Joe, I presume?"
"Yes. Get him out. Please." Still squirming.
"Can't you do it?"
"No! Bugs freak me out!"
"Oh, come on! I'll open the window and you just escort Joe out." At that point I did exactly that - I opened the window as he grabbed the laptop, thrust it towards the open window and said:
"Now what? Should I throw the laptop out?" I
think hope he was joking...
"No, just shake Joe off!"
He started to shake the laptop and blow on the poor Joe who I'm sure had other plans for the evening than to be shaken and blown on by some dude. After a few seconds of shaking, Joe fell off the computer and on the ground - of my bedroom.
"No, he fell off, he's still here!!" my boyfriend said.
"What happened?!" I couldn't exactly see because I was hiding behind the curtain, since I was half naked.
"I blew on him and he didn't want to go away." Then he started blowing in my face: "See, you didn't go away either."
"What?! Just move, I'll get him out." I picked up a piece of paper to scoop up the damn Joe and got on my bare knees to find him. Of course Joe ran for cover and hid on the far outskirts of my room under the desk so I had to go on all four.
"Just so you know, the dog's behind you."
I completely forgot about the dog who was very intrigued about all of the commotion and wanted to see what was up. I quickly turned around and pushed him away - the dog, not the boyfriend - and slapped him on his thigh - the boyfriend, not the dog.
"That's not even remotely funny."
"Yes, it is. If the dog licked your ass, I'd piss myself."
"Just hold the dog as I save your sissy ass from the fucking bug!" And then I picked up Joe with the paper and threw him out the window.
"Ok, I'm gonna leave now and sleep at my place tonight."
"There's Joanna in the room too."
"You're kidding..." But he wasn't. There she was, Mrs Joe Brownbug, scared shitless for her life and clinging to the top of the curtain. "Well, fuck me."
I dealt with the Joanna situation as well and successfully completed the bug-out mission like a bunch of other rescue missions before this one - with little help from my boyfriend. That's why I looked at him with scorn and said:
"Now can I finish putting my pajamas on?"
"Yes... I'm sorry, but I just really really don't like bugs."
"No shit, I didn't notice."
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