Nov 8, 2013

The Things We Do for ... Sex

Pics courtesy of Google, none of them are my own.
      Some of you might know - because you either know me personally or you've read my About page - that I started blogging as a guest blogger on another blog which isn't mine hence I don't have control over it. Since I'd be really upset if one day some (or all) of my favorite posts posted there ended up missing, I'm taking safety precautions and re-posting them here to have everything under one roof. Have you already read all of those posts and you don't like the idea of me reposting them? Well tough luck, I don't care. This is my blog, my little universe, I make the rules so deal with it. If you need an occasional power trip, I suggest you start your own blog too - it'll give you a feeling you can in fact control at least something while everything else in your life uncontrollably spins out of control. So this is me taking charge and posting one of the posts from the other site here and there'll be 2 more coming in the future. The one I'm posting today is my absolute favorite and I got a really nice comment on it by a girl saying: "This is the best thing I've read in ages." Although I started blogging because I like to write and I had a slight hunch I'm sort of not completely sucking at it, it really made me feel good to read that. It's funny how your own opinion doesn't count for anything while opinions of other people can make or break your notion of self... Ok, enough with the profound bullshit, on with the show. I mean post.
      All of us know the pain of heartache. That love hurts is no mystery. But does emotional pain hurt more than physical? I'm not here to decide because I was enough melodramatic in the intro and I want to discuss something else - sex. Or better yet, the painful things we do to get some.
      A common female delusion is that we have to look perfect in order to get laid (which couldn't be further from the truth because people have sex with sheep and snowmen when push comes to shove (or they want it to come to some pushing and shoving) but we don't necessarily know that...) so we obsess with stuff like cellulite, body hair and excess fat. About a year ago I got a massage gift card and I decided to get an anti cellulite massage. Guess what? It's not relaxing, it's not a deep tissue "massage", no - they BEAT you. A tiny Thai woman came in all polite and coy and then spanked the hell out of me. I got home a noticed a nasty bruise on my thigh. Love hurts? No. Pre-coital preparations hurt.


      Cellulite is unappealing, no question about it, but nobody likes a hairy woman either. I don't like a hairy woman myself. Whether you shave it, pluck it, wax it - just remove the hair. Especially facial hair not belonging on a woman's face, shrub sprouting on your legs and under your armpits and last but DEFINITELY not the least - pubic hair. Facial deforestation can be annoying, true. And everybody knows that waxing our legs can't be pleasant. Let's face it - some wax (usually scorching hot) gets spread on your skin, then covered with a strip and BAM! Hundreds of hairs (all firmly rutted with no intention of leaving your body any time soon) get plucked at the same time, taking some of your skin along for the ride. And then you have to repeat the process over and over again, of course. What's with men's obsession with a hairless body? Aren't we the weaker, gentler sex, so we're the ones who should demand smoothness all over and not settle for hairy back and buts not just legs! Big strong butch men should be able to handle some hair, shouldn't they?!
      The things I personally did and do for a squeaky smooth "entrance" are no picnic. And no 5 course meal at a slow food restaurant either. Body hair is just not my cup of tea so I've been getting a Brazilian wax for quite some time now. 2 years ago, I decided to try out IPL. For those of you who don't know what it is - it's a hair removal laser (among other things). A modern torture device (in other words). It has a 10-square-centimeter (about 2-square-inch) prism through which it shoots rays of red light, the light is caught by each individual hair in its path, sending down a wave of heat of 70 degrees Celsius (160 degrees Fahrenheit), but that's not the fun part. When it hits the root of that each individual hair, the root explodes. 10 square centimeters of hair all exploding at once at 70 degrees? Think about it - you don't wash your coloured clothes in water hotter than 50 degrees (120 Fahrenheit). How many rays did it take to cover the area? 123. That's one hundred and twenty-three. To say that it hurt is an understatement. I had 4 procedures done. Yes, I am a trooper. And a moron. I thought it'd thin my hair, which it did, so getting a Brazilian wax would hurt less, which it doesn't. Along with the hair, it also thinned the upper layer of my skin and now waxing my privates hurts even more.
      Before taking my summer vacation, I always get a Brazilian and for 3 days it feels like my vagina's been raped by a medusa every time I go into the sea. Which gets me thinking... I like puppies and stuffed animals and plush blankets - what's wrong with a little bit of body hair?

      P.S.: Some final food for thought: Do you find this attractive? It's got no hair and it's a pussy.


      Don't forget to follow FPS via Twitter, Bloglovin or Google+ to get the latest posts and other musings. But whether you decide to do that or not, you're welcome to come by again next week to see what's new - posting days are Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays!

      Peet

32 comments:

  1. Very interesting, I have not read it before.. Nice that u reported it..
    I am going to try Brazilian easy, have been thinking for really long time just..
    Happy Weekend
    Keep in touch,
    www.beingbeautifulandpretty.com

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  2. I don't like hair either and I've been trying another -supposedly- permanent method but didn't work for me (I did it under my arms though...)

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  3. The biggest girl problem is hair growth and it sucks!
    I say it yet again I love he way you write. You're awesome!

    Love,
    Anushka Makar
    www.eleganzadubai.blogspot.com

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  4. Hahahhahhahahaahahahhahaahahahahahhahaha. Oh Peet, I do love you and your honesty!

    I've always wanted lazer therapy. But now I don't. I'll stick to shaving!

    Corinne x
    www.skinnedcartree.com

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    Replies
    1. I once thought I'll have laser done on my armpits too, but then I changed my mind after this experience. But I do wax them, no shaving for me anywhere.:)

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  5. You never fail to crack me up. But honestly I hate body hair too, just not my thing at all.
    www.kierramakayla.blogspot.com
    xoxo

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  6. Oh maaaan....I started crossing my legs and making pained faces while reading this...hahaha!

    The Dragonfruit Diaries

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  7. hahahaa,,, ohh peet, hilarious! ohh in my country massage with tiny weeny Thai women is a normal thang. yes, they beat you but its feel releif after that. hahhaa, take care dear!
    luv,
    Yati

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  8. FUCK. That. I'd rather let it grow enough to shave and make him deal with stubble sometimes. No man is worth hurting my kitty. Also, the snowman. OMG I almost died, laughing.

    xo Ashley
    thetiniestfirecracker.com

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    Replies
    1. The snowman is pretty priceless, I agree...:D

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  9. Ahaaha Agree! I am always curious try the laser but honestly I dont like hurting so I prefer shaving, even if for all the life I have to do it..! I dont get why women have to be the only ones who suffer in such way though! Kisses Peet, hope you had a lovely evening! xo

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  10. ahahah! I always love to read your blog! you say things everybody thinks but nobody says!
    muah*
    mariana

    http://asouthbreeze.blogspot.pt/

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  11. So you know you've been doing some sexy photos lately, when I saw that top picture I thought it was you and was about to say I think you have reached the pinnacle with your blogging, then I saw your credit.

    oh hair....... I hate it - I started shaving everywhere when I was 10 and I think that's what has caused me to be so hairy now. I tend to use a combination of waxing, creams and that shite NO NO system. They're not too painful, the painful part is paying for the hair removal just to impress a man!!

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    Replies
    1. I know...:( But even if there were no man (or men), I'd still want to remove the hair, so the pain and spending really is inevitable. which is another :( situation!

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  12. I don't think I have cellulite and I'm not that hairy for a guy but I think I might want to try a gluteus cellulite massage and 123 IPL hair removal rays anyway. I've never been waxed either but would consider it, especially if I can get Xena the warrior princess (Lucy Lawless) to do it. I wouldn't want to wind up looking like the subjects of those last two photos though.

    http://www.full-brief-panties.blogspot.com/

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    Replies
    1. :D See, but that's the objective for women - to look exactly like those two subjects in the last two photos!!:)

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  13. Food for thought, indeed. The truth is, you're right about snowmen - you don't have to look good to get laid. It doesn't hurt if you want to feel good about yourself, though ;)
    xox,
    Cee

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    Replies
    1. True that!!! But it's really a pain in the vajayjay when it has to hurt when you want to look good to feel good about yourself.:)

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  14. Hilarious, you rock.
    http://halielandry.blogspot.com/

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  15. That is such an interesting and entertaining post.
    And fire away
    re-post everything.

    http://roomsofinspiration.blogspot.com/

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  16. Hahaha... so funny and so true. I'm brazilian so I guess I HAVE to get Brazilian wax, right?

    http://naomemandeflores.com/en

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    Replies
    1. LOL.:D :D I guess you really do.:D

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    2. No, you don't need to. ..Your hair serves a purpose. First off, it traps pheromones, erotic scents that are biologically designed to make your partner want you more. Not only that, but it helps protect against sexually transmitted diseases, which we all know are common on college campuses.

      Think about it. You wax or shave, creating tiny cuts in your skin. Then, if you happen to sleep with someone who has herpes or HPV, it’s way easier for the virus to come in contact with your skin. Condoms can’t help, since they don’t protect against the STDs that are spread by skin-to-skin contact.

      You may not get that from our society. The people you sleep with, the porn you watch and your own internal voice might be giving you the same discouraging message. But I’m not. Pubic hair is sexy and liberating, and even if you choose to keep shaving or waxing, just make sure you’re doing it for you. It’s your body. If anyone gives you shit for being empowered and confident about the choice you make, give them the finger and kick them out of your bed. They don’t deserve to be sleeping with you anyway.

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  17. Hi master of conversation starters Peet, I question myself about this all the time. The things women have to go through to look like those models on magazine covers who are obviously airbrushed (and hairbrushes). All the pain and torture, plucking and skin-pulling is not fair. They can invent a way to send people to the space but they can't find a painless way for us to remove hair. Seriously? And what do the guys have to go through? Just a painless shave every other day. Not fair. You're awesome as always babe! Hugs

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  18. Your blog post is very interesting dear, trust me I kept reading this post until the end. And bikini wax? omg for me just once and that's enough lol xx

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  19. Lolz! I get IPL I reckon its waaaay less painful than waxing....although Im letting her grow now cos aint nobody seeing it haha :P

    www.hausofsarahrachel.blogspot.com

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  20. OMG I'm going thru your blog and falling in love with you! I hate hair too but thanks to my incredible pain threshold ( I've broken my foot 3 times) I find a Brazilian quite tolerable
    xx
    www.JuneWantsItAll.com

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    Replies
    1. hair fashion is coming back and believe me we are doing whatever we can to make everyone know that this peer pressure is going to end very soon but we need to tell everyone not to permanently remove pubic hair and body hair..

      Cameron Diaz was the only one who has spoken ...

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  21. It's very weird all that suffering just to be perfect . It only happens to me a few times a year, one of which is New Year's Eve .
    I spend about 5 hours rebuilding me. Shower (relaxing ) , hairdresser ( hair pulling , burning, hot as hell in the bathroom, killer hairpins) , waxing (I will not comment on this, but there are thousands of areas and all must be free of fucking small hairs) , makeup (stressful tremble of the artist 's hand when I've almost finished my makeup and my face stains black because of eyeliner) , choice of clothing (not going to comment on this and how every fucking person around me has to say how I look -usually my mom, usually bad -) .
    And if that`s not enough, most of the time involves a whole night with heels (which is like the final shot ) .
    for what?

    The rest of winter nights I am at home with a bow, old pajamas and hairy legs. I'm not ashamed to say it. Winter is cold and I don't like to lose a natural protective layer of the skin.

    God, We don't get men would find attractive a cave troll !
    Most of the time, we don't hurt ourselves to have more sex or sex . It's to show us how can we shine! Why ?
    Because we very stupid.

    XXX
    http://muerdelaespina.blogspot.com.es

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Hi there. Thanks for stopping by and reading my blog. I read every comment and reply to all the questions, so please, speak your mind.