Nov 29, 2013

What's Wrong with Monogamy?

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      Let me answer the question from the title for you up front, very quickly and in a nutshell - everything. But allow me to explain how the question even popped in my head: I've already written about my current musical preference, but lately I've started to go back to my roots so I've armed my mp3 player with 50's Get Rich or Die Trying (yes, I think that album's great, sue me), the 8 Mile soundtrack and Jay Z and Kanye's Watch the Throne. On the latter, there's a song called No Church in the Wild and in it Kanye raps: "Coke on her skin made a stripe like a zebra, I call that jungle fever. You will not control the threesome, just role the weed up until I get me some. We formed a new religion, no sins as long as there's permission." Somehow I don't think he's talking about Kim. Coke snorting Kanye sharing Kim Kardashian? Doesn't seem likely. But that's not what sparked this post...
      The beat goes on and so goes Kanye saying: "Love is cursed by monogamy." That line sure got branded on my brain. Because it's true. Divorce is increasingly in demand and about 50 % of married couples sooner or later call it quits, but is that really because they just haven't found the right person, their actual better half, the one? Or is that soul mate shit just that - shit?
      If you ask me, soulmateism is simply a more romantic expression for monogamy and is thus just as unrealistic. You may think that monogamy is something that's a common phenomenon within the animal kingdom, but you're sadly mistaken. Out of 4000 mammal species, only 5 % (200) are monogamous, meaning they find one mate and laugh and cry and breed with them for the rest of their lives until eventually they both die of boredom. Wolves, bears, some rats and meerkats - and since recently obviously humans - are a few of those 5 %. Interestingly enough, cockroaches are another non-mammalian species that only likes to get busy with one mate in its entire life - but they only live for 1 year on average, so that really isn't that much of a sacrifice, is it?
      If you're reading AND paying attention, you might have noticed that 'since recently' a couple of sentences ago. That's because 73-79 % of known human societies were polygamous at first and only later turned monogamous - China and Japan for example caught the monogamy bug only within the last 200 years. Back in the Bible times, polygamy was the shit: Abraham had more than one wife and King Solomon had 700 wives AND 300 concubines. In your face, cockroaches! Some societies are still polygamous in this day and age - Muslims and Mormons are both allowed to have more than one wife if they want to. Coincidentally, neither one of those two societies allows alcohol consumption - obviously the notion of monogamy goes hand in hand with (heavy) drinking, go figures. So aside from Muslims and Mormons, where has it all gone wrong??
      Apparently it's all very simple. With the introduction of agriculture, people became attached to a single plot of land and the more wives and therefore children a man had, the poorer they were - during the man's life and after he had passed away. This was the average Joe of the ancient times, mind you. On the other hand you had people who accumulated wealth from the land and were able to support more wives and have as many as they wanted, which created social imbalances. In an attempt to create a perfect, stable (democratic) society, the Greeks were the first to clearly attest that humans should be monogamous. Of course Romans followed and their law is the basis of European law so there you have it. That's why you have to feel immoral and ridden with quilt whenever you experience a certain urge that's only a part of your human a. k. a. animal nature.
      As if the fact that we have to battle our own natural instincts isn't enough, we are bombarded with sexual content left and right. Just think about movies, commercials and music. If you thought Rihanna's porn music was bad, you haven't seen any of the reality shows that are on MTV recently. And if you did and you think Jersey Whore, I mean Shore was bad, you haven't seen The Valleys. Well, I did. And I've diligently written down some of the things the cast said and I'll gladly share them with you.
  • These tits cost my mum 4 grand so it's about time they start to pull their own weight and tonight they're selling vodka shots.
  • Chidgey's so desperate for a bang, he'd even fuck his own reflection.
  • That's like fucking anal sex gone wrong. (Natalee while getting her nipple pierced)
  • We brought 4 hot guys from Valleys to Cardiff and we're gonna fuck them until their dicks fall off.
  • The best way to get over a boy is to get yourself under a new one.
  • To warm up for our foursome, me and Lateysha gave the boys a little girl on girl action.
  • If there's one thing that will get you a shag then it's dressing up as a sheep. (Nicole on her sheep costume party costume)
  • We need to put this tent up and as luck has it, I know a few things about erections.
  • It was so cold my dick's gone inside of me.
  • Chick before dicks.
  • Liam's no master chef but right now I'm so hungry I'd eat my own scrotum.
  • I'd much rather have big nipples than a saggy fann because at the end of the day you can always keep your bra on but you can't never keep your knickers on.
  • I think she's having a penetration attack. (Nicole speaking about somebody having a panic attack)
  • Looks like a big ol' foof. (Natalee speaking about a tarantella)
  • Jesus, Jason's so horny, he stuck his dick in a bowl of noodles.
  • It would be the biggest compliment to have a man wanking over a picture of me and today I'm gonna make that happen. (Jenna about her shoot for a magazine cover)
      Of course all of the words are accompanied by suitable imagery of people (dry) humping and showing their 'private' parts. And you can see all of that on MTV without paying anything extra or hacking any parental control codes - teenage heaven! It does make me wonder though, how long monogamy will survive... On one side you have 15-year-olds probably taking up group orgies as an extra curriculum activity, while on the other I know girls my age (and that's almost 30, people) who can't even say the word 'blow-job' and giggle when I say 'penis'. I can't say what that means for their sex life, but I can say I'm glad I can't be their boyfriend. I can also say they without a shadow of a doubt know what monogamy means, but the question is: When those gang banging 15-year-olds turn 30, will they know it too?

      Update: There's a paragraph missing, you can read my full view on monogamy in the comment section below. Find my reply to Sonia De Macedo.

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  1. You are a free spirit this its funny but so true cool outfit doll. Have a great weekend.

  2. Did you ever think of becoming a philosopher? Your posts are always so reflective and well thought out!

  3. I think it depends on the person .. some people want that whole soul mate ordeal. Although I have to say that when couples tell me that they've been married for 20 yrs. . all I can think of is "I'll never last that long" ( I've been married a very long 12 yrs ). So in some ways - I get your point :-P


  4. You always write such thought provoking posts! I mean, you present your opinion in such brash ways, but it's refreshing. Haha, I like it! We learned about some of this in cultural anthropology last semester and it's worth taking time to talk about and think on. I don't know what this next generation is going to be like! Kinda's all about balance!
    Anyway, looking awesome as always, I love the reflective aviators and your print jacket.

    The Dragonfruit Diaries

  5. Hahahaha The Valleys! Yes I've watched that and OMG! My favorite of all time was the twin shagging that bowl of noodles cos Jenna (who I thought was normal/prude) wouldn't fuck him! That show was just, I dunno! But on the subject of monogamy, I think we're all different, I kinda believe in it myself, but I'm a hopeless romantic and I've been surrounded by tales of soul mates and shit my whole life. Seems like everyone in my family all fought hard to be together and they've all stayed together so I suppose it's influenced my way of thinking. But I know not everyone is cut out for that. I also believe a lot of the divorce rate going up is that people are just not trying anymore, one fight and they call it quits. I know not every story ends that way and some people really do need to be separated from each other but for the most part people just don't seem to fight to be with each other, stick around during the bad and all. I have friends who separated because one wanted to move interstate for an amazing work opportunity and well she didn't. He went anyway for the sake of their futures and one month into it she left him. A year later and they're back together but only because he sacrificed his high paying job. I read an article a while ago about a couple who celebrated something like 70 or 80 years of marriage and they said the problem with couples today was that when you fight, you work it out and you never go to bed angry or upset at your other half. I thought that was sweet advice.


    1. Ok... I 'have to' explain some of the things I guess. I wanted to write another paragraph explaining my view in full but the post got so long already so I decided not to. And I like to end things on a provocative note.:) I do believe that two people who decide to be in a committed relationship should be faithful to one and other, I don't condone cheating. But I think it's unfortunate that our society made such a fuss about sex that now having sex outside of your marriage or relationship has to feel weird or is just plain wrong, but you can go and have a drink with someone outside of your relationship and that's ok. Although casual sex seems tempting, I the long run, I know I'd much rather have a relationship that I'm in for 30+ years when I'm old and grey and wrinkly, I know I'll value that more than having sex like a rabbit with everything that moves now when I'm young (although, again, that sounds really really great). And I agree with you 100 % - people just don't try anymore. My grandparents stayed together all their lives and their parents and grandparents too. Not because they were match made in heaven, but because when their relationship got broken, they fixed it, they didn't just go out and buy themselves a new one. And that 'buy' isn't there by mistake, I intentionally wanted to show a correlation between our consumerist society and divorce rate.

      See? This is another 260 words and that would make one (too) long post.:)

    2. I'm glad you wrote this additional paragraph because that's what I was looking for when I ended reading your post. and also that's exactly what I think, I agree with everything you said in this extra paragraph and my views are very similar to yours. I have had experience with polygamy and therefore can say it's not for me. monogamy is definitely a lot better! gosh and I'm actually happy I stopped paying for MTV and many other channels because this show you were describing sounds like crap! :D stupid people kind of annoy me quite a lot, to be honest.. sometimes it's funny but sometimes just sad and disgusting.
      ps. I'm absolutely loving the first photo! your blue hair rocks!

      Maikeni blogi - part of me

    3. Hehehe Peet! Thanks for the reply, this is definitely a topic that will never have an end! Though don't be worried, I love reading your posts and views no matter how long! I've been cheated on twice in the past, the last one was the worst since I found out in the most humiliating way and it left me with possible life changing consequences. Won't go further into that in cyber space however which is probably why I am all for monogamy LOL! I agree about the 'buying' thing. It's like an accessory now, people even throw parties and stuff. I know some marriages need to end that way and a celebration probably is in need if the guy is a controlling douche bag or some like that but these days, especially in the media people just throw it away for something better.

      BTW this post was awesome darling! I love reading your views and others, you've definitely got people talking here so go you! xx

  6. Oh man, is it an English or American show? Sounds horrible and cringy!

    Corinne x

    1. It's actually British production but it's shot in Cardiff - Wales.:)

  7. Always love your commentary, Peet! Thoughtful and oh so funny :) That jacket is super cool! xo


  8. Wow this was such a refreshing post, I like that your posts raise such touchy subjects! I think the whole monogamy depends on the person you are & with the person with whom you are in a relationship. It depends on how much you trust the other person and how far in a relationship you want to go. I know for sure, I couldn't be anything more than just monogamous with my boyfriend, because it makes me think to even imagine he being in a relationship with another girl, or even me starting with a relationship with somebody else. But of course you never know what the future holds for you & what you will want then!
    Great post! :)

  9. Loved to red your thoughts! so well written, sharp and interesting!! you are such a cool chic! love the zebra jacket and your blue hair is awesome!!

    Have a great weekend hun,

  10. Well Peet, it is a great topic. I get your point and I share it in some way. I mean, dont know if they will know monogamy, for sure will know the opposite, or at least have done "experience"!:P But you know, I think it depends from the person, maybe they are so at 15 but will change at 30..what makes me worry is why people get married if then have to divorce soon cause have met another sad. Lol I didnt watch The Valleys but Jersey Whore, ops Shore yes :P You look fab dear, that blazer is utterly cool and I'm craving for the bag. Kisses Peet, enjoy the weekend!:*

  11. That is a thought provoking question...
    Love your blazer.

  12. I don't care what anyone thinks or says, but I do believe in monogamy. I truly believe that I have found my soulmate in my boyfriend. We got together young, and we grew up together, evolved together and kind of became a unity instead of just two people together. Does that mean that I can't appreciate the good looks of other men? Of course not, I'm still human. But in the end I know who I want to be with and spend the rest of my days with. I know this all sounds aaaaawfully lame and feel free to call me a hopeless romantic, but this is how I experience and see it. These are just my feelings of course, and not everyone will agree, which is perfectly fine. Monogamy will work for some and won't work for others.

  13. you look really cool in this outfit! Love a bit of blue in your hair and jacket is awesome my love! <3

  14. To be honest, I think you are right, I think monogamy developed because lilfe so is easier to manage and more economic ;) And to steal women the power ...

    You look is cool and I love it how you paired that cool blazer with the denims!

    xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena

  15. I have to be careful what I write here, you never know who reads my comments, but let's just say I am enjoying the single life, but I do worry what will happen when I am grey and wrinkly and I should really start to think about that a bit more. I'm not sure why I am not currently bothered my relationships; I've watched my parents enjoy a beautiful life of marriage - they have been married for 36 years and as far as I know I don't have any half brothers or sisters on the other side of the city.

    I love my reality TV, but the Valleys and Geordie Shore are just a little too much for me - I'm not particularly prudish, but I do feel like a bit of a voyeur when I'm watching it. Ill stick to my Kardashians,TOWIE and Made in Chelsea thanks.

  16. Hi Peet, I loved reading this. Sometimes I need this kind of 'conversation' when you can say it just how it is. It's not a shock to know how some modern-day social concepts are born out of practical reasons: monogamy born from the economics of distributing wealth to descendants. Eventually, monogamy was justified by religion that even more sealed one's guilt (especially amongst Catholics like me). Would you agree though that monogamy is sexist? It seems women are more expected to be monogamists that when we do sleep around or stray, we are branded as sluts whilst men are considered studs which doesn't have the same negative connotation. Somehow, monogamy is another social concept that puts women in a more disadvantaged position against men. As usual. Have a lovely week Peet, and thanks for your comment the other week on my page x


    1. Yes, monogamy is more sexist, because it's more 'expected' of men to fool around - that's their nature, screw it (literally). But why is it in their nature to have casual sex more than in the female's nature? Because they can't get pregnant from it, those lucky SOBs. While they have sex and move on, a woman is forced to take care of the baby. Long live sexual differences!

  17. Very nice blog! I follow you dear!


  18. Fantastic look.

  19. lovely blog :)

  20. First of all, freaking stunning additions of green right here in the pix. This made them look AWESOME Vogue material. But you already knew that. You are as per us, amazing.

    Moving on to the post. This is weird but just a day ago YouTube assumed I "might like" to watch a docu about a new trend called Polyamory. Basically couples being bigger than 2 people. Living under one roof being totally fine with the fact that there's action going on upstairs that they are not a part of. Polyamory can be various: 2 gfs one man, 1 girl 5 guys - whatever works. Now for some reason I don't think that will survive either. What is the golden middle? Kanye, oh sorry, YEEZUS, snorting coke and passing Kim around? That may be. But I probably will be at a party next door. Because YEEZUS scares me and so does Polyamory.

  21. Hi hun, stopping by to wish you well for the week ahead. You always some up with the most interesting topics. Firstly the lyrics in Kanye's songs are starting to get really creepy, how does this man sell so many records is beyond me. I am not a romantic but instead a pragmatist, I think there is far too drama sometimes involved in monogamous relationships these days so can you just imagine that type of drama in triplicate or more if it were a polygamous relationship? I don't watch the show The Valleys but I am completely shocked at the dialogue shots, do people really live these lives or is just on reality tv, lol? Happy December Peet!

  22. I guess we'll have to wait and see. Pretty scary future, in my opinion. Another GREAT post Peet!

  23. I love what you said in your response about fixing your relationship when it's broken. I'd say "amen" but we're not a religious crowd here, are we? ;)

    xo Ashley

  24. I think divorce is ok
    monogamy is ok
    polygamy is also ok...
    whatever makes someone happy.
    That's my moto.

    Great look dear!

  25. There's only one thing annoying me in this post: does it even bother you then when you talk about monogamy VS polygamy it is ALWAYS about a man having lots of women? Muslims and Mormons definitely did not do things right if polygamy is only for men. I'd go back in time when children were children of the community and were raised by everyone in the village, and God knows who was the father, and the mother didn't care at all and she could choose any man she thought was good to procreate! Things were much easier back then XD But today we have something called polyamory, go check it out. There's a lot being said about it, and lots of nymphomaniacs and assholes in the community, but I think that the message is definitely right. Too bad I still haven't found a men who agrees. Or maybe I had, but I was the narrow minded one back then, and I didn't even like him so much so! By the way, I definitely think that it shouldn't be one or another. I want someone I love and with whom I can age and still be together in 50 years, but I also want the freedom do do the fuck I want when I feel like it. Without cheating. In complete transparence. Guys get all upset when I say and demonstrate that I'm not jealous at all!

    1. You have polyandry (female polygamy) in Afrika and some other cultures so maybe you should move there.;) I'm quite possessive when it comes to my boyfriend. I wasn't ever with anybody, but then stuff happened, life happened, and I've grown to want to protect my own and have my own for my own self.:) So I wouldn't want him sleeping around even though I'd love to do that and since these are double standards and we can't have that, that's out of the question for me in this relationship. Maybe if we broke up and I got a new boyfriend or girlfriend I didn't care this much about, then I'd be able to have an open relationship.:D But still, I kind of think that a tad of jealousy shows that you care - if there's never any jealousy and you really couldn't care less about what your partner is doing, then... I don't know. I guess there's not enough magic there. But that's just my humble opinion.:)

    2. Mmmmh yes and no: I mean, I think that jealousy comes from the fear of losing your partner, or the fear of losing his main interest. So basically what makes us jealous in our own insecurity, and it's obvious that the more you care the more you are insecure. BUT! If you are sure of yourself, happy on your own, sure that you can live as good on your own and be perfectly happy, then jealousy shouldn't "take place". I'm no saying that being in a long term relationship is wrong or that jealousy is wrong no matter what, it's just a feeling this society should dig a bit deeper into. I have watched the movie "Frida" a couple of days ago (the one with Salma Hayek) and when she's about to get married her husband-to-be tells her he's not able to be faithful. Look I've found the quotes:
      "Diego Rivera: Is fidelity that important to you?
      Frida Kahlo: Loyalty is important to me. Can you be loyal?"
      So that pretty much sums it up. Honestly, you're might be right about the caring about someone so much you don't want to share thing, but I've been 26 years on this Earth and every year that goes by I'm growing out of this feeling!
      But I think that each of us has his way to do things and that's ok, I'd just love the world to be less judgemental about issues like this!

  26. Oh p.s.: polyamory is a real thing and here in Europe, too. I know a couple and they are polyamorous and they live together and all so it's not like they don't care about each other. They have their shit together so whenever I talk with them I get a bit more the grasp of this thing! And some friends of mine told me they know some polyamorous people too, so it's not so rare to find them. They actually have seminars and conference about this in my very own city! Many of them come into polyamory from positive thinking as well. A very few are like swingers or cukholds or this kind of fetishes: there are aleady club, parties and communities for that kind of kinks XD Polyamory is all about this philosophy: "I think we as human being can love more than one person at a time, so if I happen to know two of my soulmates at the same time I want to have the chance to love them. If not, it's ok too." It's not about desperately looking for more people to have sex with. Even if you could also have a partner you love of a more intellectual love and one that you love of a more passionate love. I mean, there are so many nuances in feelings, in people, in the world!


Hi there. Thanks for stopping by and reading my blog. I read every comment and reply to all the questions, so please, speak your mind.