Nov 27, 2013

Why I Wish I Were a Dog

For Peet's Sake blog Leos westie white dog girl polkadot head scarf

      I've been having my dog for a while now - 11 years to be exact - and in these 11 years there were but a few instances when I looked in the eyes of my furry friend and said: "You know what, you farting fur-ball? I wish I had your life, I wish I could be a dog, even if only for one day." To what he said: "Why are you telling ME that? Like I give a fuck. Now rub my belly, bitch!" which just solidified my previous statement. But this isn't the first howling hound-like family member of ours so I've had the chance to observe and covet the marvel of canine existence before and there seems to be a pretty much definite list of reoccurring reasons why I wish I were a dog and here it is:
  1. Dogs can sleep up to 16 hours a day and nobody says that's a problem - that's the norm.
  2. There are a couple of people whom I'd love to mindlessly bark at till they dragged me away, possibly even bite the shit out of some of the bitches.
  3. Sex in public places isn't punishable by law or considered obscene, it's just a fact.
  4. I'd have a tail. Need I say more? Tails rule.
  5. I wouldn't have to worry about farting discretely.
  6. I wouldn't have to worry about bad breath when running into a (potential) love interest - dogs sniff each other's butts, how bad can having bad breath be??
  7. I've always wanted to have my genitalia licked just right. Think about it, dogs can lick their own genitals - do you know how valuable that is? Forget flying or x-ray vision! Licking your own genitals, that's a true superpower! Not that I'm bashing whoever has undertaken the aforementioned oral task, they have all done a lovely (some even marvelous) job, but I simply believe in self-sufficiency.
  8. The fouler I'd smell, the cooler I'd be in the eyes of my peers. (I've been trying to introduce this notion amongst humans but somehow it doesn't take...)
  9. I wouldn't have to worry about flunking math or German because if (IF, because doggy school isn't mandatory) my owner enrolled me in dog school, all I'd have to lear is how to sit, stay and bark. Which I'd already know from the moment I'd popped out of my bitch mom's vagina, so how easy would school be?
  10. I wouldn't have to cook, iron, clean, dust, vacuum, fold laundry, brush my teeth myself, clip my nails myself, work, etc. a day in my life. My job responsibilities would consist of barking at intruders, chewing up things and humping people's legs - how fun is that??

For Peet's Sake blog Leos westie West Highland Terrier
For Peet's Sake blog Leos westie dog

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29 comments:

  1. Haha your pictures are AWESOME : Both wear tattoos and both wear polka dots scarf !
    Anyway, I remember wishing that when I had my dogs too ! They had a pretty cool and fun life playing/sleeping/eating, the only big problem they ever had was when I left home for 5 minutes or eventually the shower... Oh well admit that farting in public is fun even as a human being, especially when you blame your friends. :)

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    1. I know, the tattoo!!! He's the coolest.:D Now they put chips under their skin, but he got a tattoo when he was a month old, A MONTH. That's one hell of a puppy.:) I'm getting that number tattooed as a tribute to him actually... I love this dog, it's crazy.

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  2. This post it so funny I love it I'm a big dog lover he so cute you look pretty in the images with your pup.
    http://tifi11.blogspot.com

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  3. great post!
    love the first pic!so cute <3
    kisses x
    http://fashiongirlfromtown.blogspot.co.uk/

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  4. I found the polka dot bandits! The girl owns this amazing blog and has a cool fashion sense. Her dog is the cutest thing ever. Do I get to illegally download clothes as my reward now?

    xoxo
    http://petitemaisonoffashion.blogspot.com

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  5. I don´t know why but I feel the same way...maybe that's because every mornig when I go work Sur stays at my warmy bad...
    muah*
    mariana

    http://asouthbreeze.blogspot.pt/

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  6. Omg you are just fantastic, so creative and write such fun articles..
    I have has dog all my life but don't have one anymore. This is what I think' I wish I was a dog too '
    Don't forget to join my $30 certificate giveaway
    http://www.beingbeautifulandpretty.com/2013/11/dressale-30-certificate-giveaway.html?m=0
    Keep in touch,
    www.beingbeautifulandpretty.com

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  7. Dogs really live quite a charmed life! My kitty too ;) Yours is super adorable :)

    -Jen

    www.vibrantbeautyblog.com

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  8. Haha, it's true, dogs have the life! I'm jealous of them too.

    The Dragonfruit Diaries

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  9. I´m more into cats, but this is a great post. ;)

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  10. Ahaha Peet, I wish I was a dog too, those reasons are really true! Even though, I always wonder why I am not a cat instead. I think cats are more independent than dogs, which are the same the sweetest animals on earth (and my fav ones!). You know, I never own a puppy but would like so much. You and your little friend are adorable in the snaps! Kisses dear, hope your day is going fine! xo

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  11. your dog is the cutest thing ever..... about nr 7....i don't think your boyfriend agrees....:)))
    xoxo

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  12. OMG, I had never thought of it that way! So true! Now I'm jealous of all dogs... damn bitches! : )

    http://naomemandeflores.com/en

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  13. Your child is adorable! =)
    Yes, I guess the dog's life has lots of advantages. But I would be sad because you couldn't read, watch movies or take pictures,
    or ask for a beer in a bar ...
    Ok especially the last thing.

    XXX
    http://muerdelaespina.blogspot.com.es/

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  14. awwwww, you two are adorable together! and I think my Elvis and your little dude could be great friends. they're quite similar I think :D well and to be honest every morning when I and my fiance go to work we turn to Elvis and say we want to be him, not go to work, lazy all day and so on. oh and dogs are adorable, that's also a big plus. I just keep hugging Elvis because he's SO cute! :D

    Maiken,
    Maikeni blogi - part of me

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  15. Hah, you're amazing. Love the picsss.
    http://halielandry.blogspot.com/

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  16. Aww yes, the fabulous life of dogs, seems so unfair! They get to sleep so much, id love to have that life and not going to work or study either. Well documented reasons Peet, fantastic post and insight as always!

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  17. Great post, it did put a smile on my face. And your dog is such a cutie.
    Have a great day!
    Dusana :-)

    www.letnedni.com

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  18. I'd only want to be a dog if I belonged to a loving family. We definite treat Taylor like he's our child <3

    Monica, www.pear-shaped-gal.com

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  19. Bahahaha OMG you are amazing. I envy my little pooch very much too, she's definitely got the good life. She's spoiled rotten, has her own "Pawda" bag, "Chewnel No 5" "Barc Jacobs" and a bottle of "Dog Perignon" (I know I can't help myself with shit like that lol) I wish I could sleep whenever I wanted or needed and not have people look at me funny. Not sure about the odor thing but I guess as a dog I'd totally dig shit like that!

    BTW thanks for the lovely comment, I am so sorry you can't enter but of course I still love you! Hope you have a gorgeous weekend darling.
    SDMxx
    www.daringcoco.com
    WIN A $200 GIFT CARD TO NET-A-PORTER OR SHOPBOP!

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  20. Awww you guys (you and your dog!) are so cute! Being a dog or a cat would be pretty fucking amazing, don't have to deal with all the human emotional bullshit :P xx

    www.hausofsarahrachel.blogspot.com

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  21. I used to have a dog cat (he was a cat but totally lovey like a dog) and in the mornings as we're trying to wake up rushing around to get ready for work, he'd stretch and lay on his back, look at us like this is what I'm doing the rest of the day, what about you. Yeah, I have wanted to be a cat.

    You and your pup are adorable together.

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  22. That last photo rocks, hah :-D I had a dog for 13 years. A lab, to be precise. She passed away though, and I still miss her like crazy. But what eases the pain is knowing what a great life she had! I definitely wouldn't mind switching places with her, hehe.

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  23. Amen to number 10. Also you can just sit there and be cute, end of story.

    STUNNING!

    Edita
    http://www.pret-a-reporter.co.uk/

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  24. OMG, number 7 - you crack me up big time. Until I got to this point I was thinking nah I don't want to be any kinda animal - I love shopping for clothes, shoes and bags and there would be no cause for me to do this as an animal (despite your dog's cute little neck scarf) but then when I got to statement 7- it really made me stop and think!!!!

    Still thinking!!!!!!.................................

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  25. Nearly exactly the same I think often regarding my cats but then I decide not to be a cat as if their life is kind of boring as they never go really far away and stay mostly inside and around our house ...

    xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena

    www.dressedwithsoul.blogspot.de

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  26. gorgeous blog!
    http://saltskinned.blogspot.com.au

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  27. Hilarious and true! The photos of Mister Fartz and you are adorable :)

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  28. Bahhh! I love your and your dog's matching scarves. Me and Todd need matching outfits STAT! It really would be AWESOME to be a dog. To get so much love and attention? What lucky pups.

    xo Ashley
    thetiniestfirecracker.com

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