I'm not the biggest fan of holidays in general and usually the holiday spirit shies away from me but this year I thought to myself maybe I should try and force the bitch to posses me. That being said, I wanted to find some purple Christmas tree ornaments (even though my favorite color is blue), but couldn't find any in the exact shade that I wanted (pink is pink, purple is purple, people) - on top of that, I didn't find many decorations in 'purple' anyways, which I thought was weird. I also thought it was weird that I was so set on purple and nothing else. Why purple, what's with purple?? When in doubt, google - and so I did.
As it turns out, purple is the color of the occult, Satan and all that good stuff. I'm not really a follower of Satan (nor do I worship Christ either) but I do love a good irony, so my
witch purple hunt began. The first store was closed (that's one of the joys of living in a measly town - stores get to be closed on Saturdays). The second store had nothing in purple, not that day, not the day before, not ever, the woman working there even said no one had ever asked for anything purple. Come on!! The third store had this purple cardboard and I was very pleased. Even better - it was discounted! Why? Because the store's in the process of discontinuing the sale of purple cardboards because no one wants them. I felt so bad for the poor purple satanic cardboards sitting there all neglected and stigmatized, so I took two. I grabbed them from the shelf thinking: "Come now, mama's gonna take you home. And then cut you up and try to make you into something completely different than you are - just like a real parent does." And I did, I cut them up good.
If you want to get your own purple ornaments this year too, you're probably going to have to make them yourself just like me, because purple decorations really are rare - while browsing around Google, I noticed that there are 33 million hits for 'purple Christmas ornaments', but if you're looking for 'red Christmas ornaments', there are 160 - one hundred and sixty - million results, that's almost five times as many. Talk about discrimination. So, do you want purple Christmas decorations? You're welcome to follow these easy steps and make them yourself.
You'll need cardboards, glue (hot or not, doesn't matter), a utility knife, scissors, a marker, a ruler and stencils (I took these off the Internet - 1, 2, 3), stuff to decorate the ornaments (spray paint, fake snow spray, glitter, cotton pads, pasta) and a needle and a thread so you'll be able to hang the ornaments on the tree later.
First, outline the shape using a stencil, but don't drag the lines, only make small dots so no lines show up on the ornament when you're done.
Cut out as many stars and whatnot you like.
Glue the shapes you cut out together, stack them on top of each other, mix different colors, you can do whatever you want and then decorate the shit out of the glued masterpiece.
Trace any shape you like with glue and cover it with cotton or glitter, or just glue on pasta or paper snowflakes.
If you want to use pasta, spray-paint it first, while holding it over a piece of paper, wait till the paint dries (you can set it aside, you don't have to hold it, just lean it vertically against something with the non-painted end) and then cut the end off with scissors.
Then thread a needle, put the thread through the ornament and tie it. And that's basically it. Easy peasy.
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