Jan 22, 2014

Doggie Update

Leos diabetic westie west highland terrier white dog

      This post is definitely my favorite post ever. If you've been here before, there's a huge chance you've already noticed my minute obsession with my dog, so there's no surprise that my favorite post is about him and his everyday schedule. Since that post is over 8 months old and there have been some changes to his daily agenda, I think it's time for an update and besides, these past few days have been pretty lousy for me so taking a bunch of pictures of my Mr. Fartz and talking to him about his day is very therapeutic. But first I'll take you through my day, before I give the word over to him.

      Tuesday, January 16 2014, through my eyes:

 07:30 - For the past few months I've been getting up at half past seven sharp (which is a crime against humanity for someone who works from home mind you), no matter where I've been the night before or when I've gotten home because my dog's gotten diabetes so I have to give him a shot of insulin, his heart pills (which I now mix with chicken pate instead of cheese spread because he got fed up with it) and his food.
07:40 - I walked the dog.
08:15 - We got home, so I turned my computer on and started working.
12:30 - I got hungry so I made myself some lunch.
13:15 - I walked the dog.
14:00 - We got home and I decided to do some vacuuming which took me 25 minutes instead of 10 because the dog constantly got in the way. He always gets in the way when I clean, I have no idea why but it's pissing me off...
14:25 - Started working again.
17:45 - I took a break from my computer and petted the dog because he always gets restless (a. k. a. almost as hungry as those people who crashed in the Andes in 1972) in the afternoons - he used to have food in his bowl all through the day, but since he has diabetes he has to stick to strict feeding regiment otherwise his blood sugar goes through the roof and he feels and looks like he's about to die.
19:30 - I fed the dog and gave him his second insulin shot. I also made myself some dinner - I usually wait so that we eat together otherwise he freaks out if I get to eat but he doesn't.
20:00 - I walked the dog.
21:00 - My boyfriend came over and we watched this. Or was it this? Either way, you should watch both of these videos, you won't regret it. And if you will, don't blame it on me, you're the one who listens to me, it's your fault.
23:15 - I took the dog out for his final whizz before bed - he has an enlarged heart and had an enlarged prostate (had because we had to castrate him which fixed the enlarged prostate problem beautifully but created the problem of missing balls not so beautifully) so he doesn't properly discharge urine and needs diuretic pills and because he takes diuretic pills he has to go out and pee more. It's a lovely vicious circle really.
23:25 - We all went to sleep so we could do it all over again the next day. Fun.

      Tuesday, January 16 2014, through my dog's eyes:

07:03 - I got up, I thought it was food time already. I walked over to her bed and stared at her face for a while. Or I hope it was her face and not the dude's because if it was, no wonder it was all in vain because he never gets up and feeds me, the bastard.
07:06  - Staring didn't work so I tried a different tactic - I walked up and down the room because my claws make a shit-load of noise hoping that would make her get the message.
07:08 - Got tired of walking and it didn't work anyways so I just tried to get back to sleep.
07:30 - She got up! Finally!! FOOD TIME!!!!
07:31 - She gave me some brown gooey stuff, I like that. She used to give me some white shit, but this brown stuff is way better, why the fuck didn't she give me this in the first place?! Fucking humans.
07:36 - Oh, no, it's poking time... I fucking hate poking time. What did I ever do to deserve this?? Maybe if I move and twist like a little maniac she won't poke me. Miss me, miss me, now you gotta... Ah fuck, she got me.
07:40 - We went out. And I wasn't pleased. I'd much rather sleep in. And my fucking back hurts and my hips hurt. What's with getting up this early anyway?? We used to sleep in and ... Uh, look, a half eaten sandwich, SCORE!
08:15 - We got home and she ran straight to the stupid box. And me? What am I supposed to do?? I know, I'll get a drink. Just a little something something, just a sip to pass the time.
08:18 - I emptied the bowl. My head was spinning from all the gulping.
08:55 - I woke up on the kitchen floor, I must've blacked out. Man, I gotta quit this shit, I think I have a drinking problem... Now what? Let's see what she's up to, let's go to the box room.
10:35 - I must've dozed off when I got to the box room. Again. Apparently I'm still tired from the walk. Man, walking sucks. You have to move your front left paw while you move your back right paw and then the front right paw together with the back left paw and then again and again and again - so much frigging work! If humans are so smart, why don't they invent some sort of a machine, a wagon, something like a skateboard that would...
12:25 - Fuck. I've fallen asleep again. What's with me?! I'm sure she puts something in my food! Oh, food. I'm hungry. FOOD.
12:26 - I walked over to the kitchen, the food bowl was empty but I still licked it and moved it around the kitchen to make a lot of noise hoping she'd get the hint.
12:29 - I got tired of licking and moving the bowl. She doesn't care anyway. She never does. She never gives me any food anymore. She doesn't love me. But that's fine, FINE I TELL YOU. I don't love her anymore either, I hate her, she's a BITCH! And... And... And ugly! And... Wait, she's coming to the kitchen so this means it's FOOD TIME.
13:00 - So listen. I've watched her carefully for an eternity, I followed her every move. When she opened the cabinet - I was there. When she took out the pots - I was there. When she opened the fridge - I was there. When she took out the food - I was there. When she went to the pantry - I was there. And when she came back - where do you think I was? At a frigging spa getting a massage with a happy ending?! No, bitch, I was there!! But did she reward me, did she give me anything for my loyalty and help and support and assistance?? No. NO! She just made food for herself and ate it all. She really doesn't love me anymore. No one does. I'm all alone, I have nobody. I feel so alone. I feel lonely, lo-lo-lo-lo-lonely, you're the one and only who makes me feel so bluuuuuue!!! I feel lonely, lo-lo-lo-lo-lonely, you're my only homie, why don't you give me fooooooood???
13:15 - Great, she's done eating and wants to go out. Fine. I'll show her. I'll find something to eat outside. I'm a big dog, I can take care of myself. I just hope she doesn't put me on a leash...
13:21 - Ha! I've found something. I think it's a dead mouse or something. Who cares, FOOD TIME. I just have to make sure she doesn't see me, I have to move fast.
13:22 - Damn, she saw me! Yeah, scream, bitch, I ain't scared of you, whatcha gonna do, huh?? Fuck, she's running to get me! Must. Eat. Fast!!
13:23 - Great. She put me on a leash. That's fine, I'm full now anyway.
14:00 - We got home. I drank a bowl of water again. I had to, I think the mouse's tail got stuck in my esophagus...
14:02 - Cool, she got out the suction thingie. It's time for some mind games, ladies and gentlemen. You wanna suck under the table? Ha, I'm here! You wanna suck behind the chair? Ha, I'm there! You wanna suck in the middle of the room? Ha, I'm there too! Must. Get. In. The. Way. God, I love this loud suction thingie game.
14:25 - She's done playing. Now what? I know, I'll get a drink. Just a little something something, just a sip to pass the time.
15:45 - Woke up on the kitchen floor again, I'm so badass. Now what? I could eat something since I'm already here, but no, the damn bowl is empty. I feel I have such a hole in my stomach, such a hole in my heart, I feel so unloved. I'm sure she doesn't like me. I'm sure nobody likes me but that's ok, I don't like yall anyway, I don't like yall anyway, fuck all ya! I got my watch talk for me, my whip talk for me, my gat talk for me, BAH, what up, homie?! Even bitches who don't know me they wanna blow me... Man, 50's the bomb, he's a true poet. I wish they didn't cut my nuts off, I'd grab them right now. God... My nuts... They cut my nuts off!! Just like that!! A minute of silence for my nuts and all the nuts floating around in nut heaven.
17:05 - Damn, I dozed off AGAIN. No more minutes of silence, those always fuck me up.
17:45 - She actually left the box alone for 3 seconds and acknowledged the fact that I exist! Maybe she still does care about me... Good! It's about time she smartened up. Now rub my belly, bitch!
18:55 - I think it's food time already. I gotta get up and walk up to her to let her know. FOOD TIME. Give. Me. Food. Yes? No? COME ON!!!
19:03 - What about now? Is it now? Food time? Food? Yes? No? Maybe?
19:11 - How about now? FOOD TIME!!!
19:16 - Now? Is it now? I saw you move your foot. It's now, right? FOOD!!!
19:19 - Ok, now you're just messing with me!! Give me food. Follow me into the kitchen. See, I'm walking towards the kitchen, you should too. COME ON! I'm open, I'm open!
19:21 - Fuck you. I'm not eating anything anymore. Even if you gave me a block of cheese the size of my head, I wouldn't touch it. Fuck you and your food.
19:30 - FOOD TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
19:36 - Oh, no, not the poking again... Fine, fine, just do it and then leave me the fuck alone!
20:00 - We went out. I was really tired and my hips hurt so I walked really slow. I love how she walks really slow too and lets me go past her so I don't feel like I'm falling behind all the time. I hear dogs say their people don't care about stuff like that, that they treat them like they're animals or something. I know my boss lady's kind of cool, I kind of like her. I ain't no softy but I kind of like her. She's ok. For a human.
21:00 I was woken up by the door bell, the dude came. Finally we all got together and she took me in her lap and the world made sense again. I don't remember much after that, it's all a blur, I was so tired from the entire day, I was in and out of sleep - which I deserved! Two bowls of food, three bowls of water, half a sandwich, a mouse (probably) and a couple of belly rubs. I'd say it was a pretty good day, can't wait to do it all again tomorrow. Fun!

Leos westie west highland terrier in grass cute white dog

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  1. as you can imagine I really liked this post too! They are family indeed!

  2. D'aw he really loves ya. He's sucha cutie but man, does he have a potty mouth, haha!

    xo Ashley

  3. This dog is way to sweet to have that voice .. lol. I like when dogs nails make noise on the floor at least you know where they are. My dog Taylor has silent paws so I'll have my back turned to the door of say, the bedroom and he'll silently come into the room and sit and I turn around and he's there! Always scares the crap out of me because I can't hear him.

    Monica, www.pear-shaped-gal.com

    1. No, no, no, don't be fooled by his sweet and cute face, he's a grumpy, stubborn old fart!:) When he was younger, he used to attack every dog he saw, he constantly got into fights. Now he just gives them the mean stare until they shyly walk around him from a safe distance. Trust me, he cusses like a sailor. He doesn't bark a lot, but when he does, he makes it worth his while. I mean, the dog eats dead rats and mice and god knows what else, I'm sure he doesn't look down on swearing.:D

  4. Ahahaha... love this! Love Mr. Fartz. I have a feeling that if I could hear my cat's inner monologue it would be equally sassy :)



    1. Cats are even sassier, wanna bet??:D I have a feeling cats are really badass...

  5. Yes! Chanel's (my dog) brother from another mother! We have a similar schedule lol, though I won't take mine for a walk too early in the morning because she ends up pooping on someones front yard then I'll have to pick it up and carry a warm doggie bag with me for another hour. Gross. After reading this I am so curious about her day now too and how she sees it. So far she decided to stay outside in the morning (she sleeps outside because we live with my parents) and sunbathe until I put the second load of washing on the line, then at 11:30 we went for our walkies. She was exhausted the minute she stepped foot in the park. By the second lap she stopped at the gate expecting me to follow her back to the car. I made her walk another lap because she's just being lazy. We got home before 12:30 and I shared some of my lunch because she already ate half of her Eukanuba while I was putting the laundry out and now she sleeps, kicking my side while I blog away. My only question now is what the fuck she dreams about? I mean all that eye rolling and paw twitching, I feel like she's either in a field with birds or cats and having fun chasing them or maybe she's broken into the fridge and it's full of raw meat?


    1. I'm constantly wondering that too!! What do they dream about?!?!:D And they have pleasant and unpleasant dreams, you can tell when they're happy dreaming and when they're scared and they run from something. God, I wish I knew... But he never wants to tell me, he says that that's private. Fucking diva.

  6. I think you forgot to add some extra snack thoughts inbetween the food thoughts. Love that the dog goes ghetto in the middle of the post :D
    The dog is so lucky to have an owner like you, you really care for him, especially with his condition; it might look like a small thing but loads of people use their pets' conditions to get rid of them. Sad but true.

    I'd love to have a pooch but seeing as I am at work all day, I'd be so sad if the pet got depressed and just plain bored. I guess the boyf alone will have to do.

    1. I know, my vet said the same thing! Did I say my vet?? I meant my dog's vet.:D Anyhow, he said that he has close to nothing experience with diabetic dogs because people just get rid of them when the find out the diagnosis... I think that's fucking HORRIBLE, who does that?!?!

  7. Hahaha too good! Love your dog's version. Sad to know that the poor doll has these health issues. I hope he gets better soon. BTW he has competition cas my dog is miss fartypants too. She farts especially more when she eats lamb. And she is TINY but the smell is still explosive. Last nite I had friends over and she sat between us with her bum pointed towards us and it was one fart after another. SO bad that I bought dog perfume for her (which smells like men's cologne though the bottle says lavender vanilla) and doused her with it. Now my little female Pomeranian smells like a suave man. You can see her here - http://www.junewantsitall.com/2013/11/flower-power.html

    1. I checked out your pooch and there's no chance in hell that cutie pie farts.:D

  8. awww, he IS cute! doesn't matter if he's actually the bossiest dude ever, he's still a cutiepie! I just can't get over the fact how many different expressions dogs have. happy, dreamy, cocky, insulted.. those are only some that are Elvis's favourites. haha and he actually wants to hug and cuddle when he has those soft moments (which happens every day :D). gosh but he likes to bark a lot. when I say "don't bark! I will kick your ass!" then he will totally start barking right away :D you're lucky that your dude doesn't bark all the time. anyway, it was a brilliant post and well, dogs are brilliant creatures :)
    by the way, I wanted to ask about your job. what do you do?

    Maikeni blogi - part of me

    1. I'm a translator so luckily I work from home.:)

      P. S.: Yes, BRILLIANT creatures.

  9. aaaah now I've never owned a pet and I'm not that keen on dogs, not scared of them, just not keen on them and judging by both your days, they seem equally as time and energy consuming as a child. It's such a lovely concept though to write from a dog point of view - you could write a little mini ebook about that, dog lovers would love it I'm sure.

    I forget pets can get ill and I'd never guessed a dog would have diabetes, i don't know why, it all seems logical, but I just can't imagine having to give a dog injections - so sad. I hope he's just used to it now.

  10. I think this might be y favourite post ever too!
    Your dog looks adorable and sounds absolutely hilarious ! Can you please make more of these posts? :D


  11. Hi dear!! Thank you for your amazing coment :)
    Your dog is so cute!!
    Come to see mine, and my new post "A different day"

  12. Naaw cute, as usual I really enjoyed to read this, always love yozr style ofvtelling stories! Didnt know your little friend has diabetes. That sucks but you take good care of him, thats awesome, he has a lovely dig kufe it seems!
    And btw this reference to the I feel lonely song cracked me up :) yayyy Saschaaaaa woot woot :D

  13. YOUR DOG IS ADORABLE. Ship it, for real, this time.


  14. Cute dog. Thanks for sharing the adorable photographs.

  15. I love doggies and yes I love to wonder what they are thinking and I think you got it spot on - i only babysit my brothers dog but I am so in love...

    1. They're actually developing some equipment that should be able to tell you what your dog is thinking. But just the basic stuff - I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, I need to pee, I'm in pain. It's very interesting, but then again I can tell that by myself already... I need somebody to translate all the barking.:D

  16. Ahhh Peet! This is one of my fav post too! Not only cause he is soooooo sweeet (yep, his cutest face fooled me) but cause you made me smile a lot! I never owen a pet, I always wanted though..maybe one day I will have one too. Your usual day is so funny in both sides, isnt bad at all being a dog, dont u think?:) You both look very close :) Happy Friday my dear, many kisses! xo

    1. You should definitely get a pet if you have the time for him/her! You won't regret it, having someone fuzzy and cute who loves you is the best!

  17. Haha cool post, your dog is a hardcore badass :´D
    Oh and on the Valentine´s posts... Yep, so far I saw at least 7 of them xD

  18. What a cute doggie!


  19. Leos has so much more going on in his head by the looks of it..busy, busy, busy, that he should have his own blog. Sometimes dogs make more sense than humans. I have a friend who's got a Westie, too, but she's never said anything about his farting skills. I must say Leos and I have something in common, and that's one bloody damn good ability as you're able to release tension in your body. Haha. He's so cute, I wish I can have a dog again. Hugs to Leos (that's his name, right??) x

    1. Yup, that's his name.:) And I also think he should get his own blog! I've mentioned it to him, but he said he doesn't know what blog is. He asked if that's like a food or something. In which case he'd have two, please.:)

  20. I love this post... Dogs are so much fun and love <3 I miss having one !

  21. I didn't even know dogs could get diabetes! Poor wee fella, fuck I want a dog.....wherever the fuck I end up after my OE this year....Im getting a fucking dog!! xx


  22. I love your blog


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