Most nights I have trouble sleeping. Not just that I'm a light sleeper, getting myself to sleep is an endeavor by itself too, because my brain refuses to shut down. I'm always coming up with this or that so I'm constantly grabbing for my phone and writing stuff down long after I've gone to bed. One night, after I had reached for my phone for the 7th time, my boyfriend asked: "Ok, what's the deal here, what are you writing down all the time?" So I showed him the text and it said something like 'pigeon toe cleavage dripping hole'. "Great," he said, "so you don't only have issues with sleeping, you're crazy too." But to me that isn't crazy, to me it obviously makes perfect sense since I made this post for the TIDG series out of it. And I'm sure that after you'll read the today's list of things I don't get, pigeon toe cleavage dripping hole will make a lot of sense to you too.
- I already wrote something about this in my first Things My Boyfriend Doesn't Like post actually but I'm bringing it up again because - I don't get people who don't like tomatoes, cheese, ham, mushrooms etc., EXCEPT when they're on a pizza. Like pizza makes it all better? It still tastes the same, you're just acting like a spoiled brat that needs a week at my parents' boot camp, then you'd eat everything at all times. Or else...
- Toe cleavage. I don't get how people think that's sexy. To me it just looks painful. And like you need one size bigger shoes.
- How can someone go from Hannah Montana to Miley Cyrus. That's pure magic. That's better than David Copperfield going through the Great Wall of China.
- I don't get how come people, especially women, don't wear underwear. There's always something oozing out of your privates and without underwear, what's there to catch it? Your jeans? The carpet? Think about it: there's something leaking from the skin under your armpits and that's a flat surface. Now tell me there's not always something dripping out of a hole.
- A while back I canceled one of my email subscriptions to some online magazine because it was basically just spam. And I don't get how come - after I had just said 'ok, I've had enough of you, leave me alone' - I got TWO emails from them reassuring me that they won't be bothering me again. Those didn't make me regret my decision and want to subscribe again, it made me want to scream 'I'll believe it when see it!!!' (or don't see it in this case).
- Why do they make pads and covers for baby changing tables covered in tiny elephants and pink bunnies and stupid miniature butterflies? It's not like the baby will ever see it. No, the mother (and on some rare occasions the father) will see it, so aside from looking at the kids pile of shit, you have to look at some frigging pastel atrociousness. They should start making those covers with that Maroon 5 naked dude or something along those
- Why do people walk on their beds with shoes on? You always see that in movies and now fashion bloggers are posing on their beds in shoes. I mean... What the fuck?!
- I don't get people taking pictures at cemeteries. I was on Elvis' grave and people took pictures of it and next to it smiling and holding up peace signs and what not. Really? There's a dead person under your feet. Famous or not, doesn't matter. Do you really think that taking a picture next to someone's grave is cool?
- Why do most people want to be model skinny and model fit? I'm not talking about healthy thin - you don't do 1000 sit ups and 500 push up a day to be healthy, you do it to look extra good. But why? You don't get paid for it like models do. You don't hear models say 'I have to learn how to perform a triple bypass' or 'I need to learn how to drive a forklift'. On the other hand, why do we all want to prepare for a model's job? Life is not a casting call, is it?? I admit, I sometimes attempt to transform my flabby body into something a bit more modelesque than my occupational position of a translator calls for, but then I think: Who am I kidding, I'm not getting paid for having a flat stomach and a rock hard ass, who cares, bring on the cheese burgers and large beers. And a shot of something, please. I love calories. Calories are good for you. And I'm pretty sure you don't have to be Miranda Kerr
malnourishedskinny to look good in a bikini. Hey, that rhymed. You don't have to be model skinny to look good in a bikini so have some panini whether you're big, medium or mini.
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