Wow, this is the ELEVENTH TMBDL post (you can find them all here). Who knew that this would be such a prolific series when I posted the first Things My Boyfriend Doesn't Like post. Well, actually - not to toot my own horn - I kind of suspected (and predicted) there'd be many sequels right from the start. And boy does it feel good to be tooting. Or does it? Because this means that my boyfriend basically hates half the stuff I have in my closet... Oh, well, you know what they say - haters gonna hate, bitchez gonna bitch and I ain't gonna care so let's see what the rejected items my hater keeps bitching about are this time.
I got this H & M fur vest from my mom for Christmas (actually it was for New Year's Eve because we don't support Santa, he's an evil spawn of capitalism, trust me, I've seen his birth certificate, but that's a whole different story). I was really excited because it's a fur vest, who wouldn't be?! As soon as my boyfriend came over, I showed him the gift and said:
"Babe, look! I got this from mom! Isn't it cool??"
He froze for 1.5 seconds and then just turned away and walked towards the kitchen asking: "Do you have anything to eat?"
"What's your problem? Look. Vest. Furry." I put it on.
"Yes, food. Vest?"
"Yes... Vest... Just so you know... You look like a fucking shepherd."
Oh, a shepherd, that's swell. "Find your own damn food."
The material of these H & M jeans is terrible (no stretch) and the fit isn't the best (it's the worst) but I still love them for one reason and one reason alone - they are basically every color imaginable. Naturally that's the reason why my boyfriend hates them which he made undeniably clear the first time he saw them.
"God, when did you get these?"
"These are great, what are you talking about?!"
"Sure, great... When God was done creating the world, he took all of the leftover colors and said: 'OK, I'm going to make this piece of shit.'"
"I don't think the god you're talking about swears."
"When he saw these pants, he did."
I got this blazer via eBay a long time ago and I still find it to be just as awesome as I did back then, while my boyfriend thinks it's ridiculous and calls me Beetlejuice when I wear it. He might be ingenious, but he isn't the only one.
The first time I wore it out, I went to a club and out of nowhere a guy came up to me with his arm extended high in the air as if he was holding something between his thumb and index finger yelling: "Red card! Red card!"
I've seen some crazy shit in clubs so far but that left me completely baffled so I had to ask: "Sorry, dude, I don't get you. What card?"
"Red card! You're a referee, right? Soccer, red card, referee?"
"No, man, I'm me." What the fuck?! "You do know it's not Halloween, right?" Speaking of Halloween, what did you come as? A dickhead? Because I see you have a head and I hear you sound like a dick.
Then my boyfriend chimed in: "No, no, she's Beetlejuice!" and the other guy agreed saying I was Beetlejuice dressed up as a referee. Thinking about that night, apparently it really was a costume party - what else would you otherwise call one referee Beetlejuice and two dickheads?
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