Feb 28, 2014

If Murder Was Legal

      Don't worry, this won't be a violent or aggressive post, I just have to get something off my chest and it actually involves something that I in fact have on my chest - my boobs. I've been having my breasts for a while now and I've already written about the troubles that come along with having these meaty fun bags here but lately a new annoyance regarding them has arisen. The annoyance incarnated as an ape-like, bipedal form - as a human. Let's call this annoyance a boyfriend. My boyfriend.
      "What?" I had to prod.
      "Nothing." But a boy's nothing is never like a girl's nothing because they always tell you straight away what the thing hidden inside that nothing is. "I was reading something about boobs today."
      Ok, this sounds intriguing. "Really? About fake ones or real ones?"
      "Doesn't matter," actually it does, the fakeness or the realness of a breast is always an important matter, "the article was about bras and that 70 % of women wear bras that aren't the right size for them."
      Yup, this is how you suck all the fun out of a boob conversation. "Oh... Yeah, I know, I've heard that too."
      "I'm sure you're not wearing the right size either."
      "Sure I am," I said dismissively. And calmly.
      "No, you don't. Did you ever have yourself measured properly?"
      "No, you don't have to do that, you can do it yourself at home." I was starting to lose my patience.
      "No you can't. Why would they say that you have to go to a special store then, huh??"
      "Because the article was sponsored by a lingerie store? Because women are lazy and can't use a tape measure on their own? I don't know why, I don't care, I know my size." Definitely losing my patience.
      "You just think you know your size, I'm sure it's the wrong one."
      "Do you know how long I've had these boobs?? Since I was 12! Trust me, I know boobs and I know bras!" And there it went - bye-bye, patience.
      "Just because you have them it doesn't make you an expert, I've read an article about it!"
      An article? Really? Believe me, the conversation went on and on because neither one of us was ready to ease off and I was getting properly pissed. Imagine your boyfriend or husband came up to you during your period, threw your tampons away and shoved a pack of tampons from a different brand in your hands: "Trust me, these are the best, I've read an article about them." Wouldn't you want to strangle him?
      I, on the contrary, don't have to read anything, I aready know women wear bras that aren't right for them. Do you know why? Because they like to think they have bigger boobs than they do and that are slimmer than they are, that's why they chose cups that are too big and that compensates for the band being too tight for their ribcage because of course they choose too small of a band too. That's the same as with clothes - women always try to squeeze themselves in smaller clothes, it's a mental thing and I know all about it. Now tell me this: Would a woman that has had C/D cups since the age of 12 try to squash her two masses of lard and glands into a bra that isn't the right size for her? I don't care how many boobs you had to fondle and lick through to get to where you are today, boyfriend dearest, but that doesn't make you a boob master. Having these stuck to my chest for 16 years does. "But I read an article about it!!"

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  1. I had heard about that too. I agree with you completely but why was he reading that article in the first place? Anyways, some people think that because they read an article, regardless of where it came from, that makes them immediately more cultivated and learned that you are. Granted, it depends what subject and if I know anything about it, but most times, the same scenario happens, what you so greatly described as, a heated debate. But thank goodness killing is not legal because if people didn't agree with what you had to say, they'd kill you.

    On that note, great jeans, I really like them. :)


    1. Heeeey, nobody would kill me, come on, I'm lovable as fuck.:D Just kidding, I'd probably get stabbed relentlessly at the age of 4. "Mommy, what is this? Mommy, what does that do? Daddy, why do we have these? Mommy, ..." You get the picture.:) But yes, why the fuck was he READING that article??? It was equipped with lovely busty voluptuous photographic material, why didn't he just drool over it like any normal human/male being?? I don't know, he's an inquisitive one ... Lucky me.:D

  2. Well, sounds like he was trying to be helpful .. ?

    Have a wonderful weekend :-)

    monica, www.pear-shaped-gal.com

    1. :D Yeah, sure, that's one of the possibilities. The other one being that he was just trying to be right because if he were trying to help me, he'd listen (and hear) when I told him I didn't needed help.:D

    2. Well, next time you can tell him that you read a study that a man should alter the side he dresses every day for sexual health .. tee hee.

      Have been reading your comments about, Ms, Iggy Azalea .. have you watched her video Work (stripped). It's an instrumental of her song "Work" and she just looks ~ wow.

      Monica, www.pear-shaped-gal.com

  3. Hahaha, this was hilarious! I was laughing along and one of my housemates was like 'what are you laughing at' and I told her and she did a laugh too.

    Stupid boyfriend! I've never really been measured, or measured myself. I probably should at some point.

    Corinne x

  4. Haha oh man, that's really annoying but hilarious to read about! Yeaaah, just because he read an article by no means makes him an expert.

    The Dragonfruit Diaries

  5. Haha, that's too funny! You capture the spirit of these conversations so well ;) Loving the title too. Have a great weekend, Peet! xo



  6. aaaw your poor boyfriend, I think he was only trying to help you ha ha. How lovely that he was taking an interest in your boobs from a more concerned perspective. Perhaps just to prove to him that you know your own boobs, you should go and get measured by an 'expert' and see what size you come up with. I'd be interested to know who is right. That might inspire me to go and get measured too - not much to measure though!

    1. Helping schmelping.:) After he read the post he called me and said: "I still think you don't wear the right size.":D Talk about being stubborn... And I measured myself just like the article said and he still wasn't pleased, he wants me to get 'professionally' measured. What am I?? Incompetent??? It's a tape measure not a nuclear reactor, I can operate one.

  7. Haha don't be so harsh on your boyfriend! He probably meant good! And for the record: I am totally one of those women the article talks about. I have grown so tired of bras and not finding a comfortable one I don't even wear them anymore. They're just annoying and I have small boobs, so why even bother. I don't. I only wear bras when I'm wearing a see through shirt or I'm doing sport! That's it! I was done with bras a long ago xD Hideous thingies.

  8. hahahhaa omg...your poor boyfriend....=)))


  9. Bahaha nice argument you got there. BTW I envy your C/D cups.. I am so flatttttt comparatively!!! Might just get implants some day hahaa

    1. You would get implants? I don't categorically decline those, I mean I do for me, but I always think it must feel really weird to have something plastic stuck under your skin, just the thought of that freaks me the fuck out.

  10. Great post, you really make me laugh so much! Well at least your boyfriend cares for the health of your breasts, but it is annoying when they think they are right all the time!
    Love Dani xx www.huntinginheels.blogspot.it

  11. Amazing entry dear! I love the pictures!
    kisses from Miami,

  12. Dammit your site erases 1/2 of my comments !
    I was saying I DON'T wear my size cause most shops don t sell it :(

    1. I know what you mean, I'm a 70 C/D and I never find 70 C, let alone D. Apparently if you have small ribcage, you have to have small boobs too...

  13. lol, sounds like a looooovely conversation slash discussion ;-) So reading an article all of a sudden made him an expert on the matter, eh? I'm sure he was only trying to help, but still, bad move buddy!

  14. On the bright side at least your boyfriend cares about your boobs! ;) Yup, men are bullheaded sometimes and I hate it when guys don´t give up especially when they´re talking about your body and not theirs.

    1. He sure is the king of the bullheaded clan.:D

  15. He just started talking about it at a moment when it was very easy to piss you off? I have those moments. Even talking to me about how great I look might piss me off. I do think he was trying to be helpful. Honest! (and I rarely side with boys, and I am not a feminist either)


  16. This is hilarious. Actually, when I was about 14 years old I heard that on a radio station, of course as you mentioned it was hosted by a lingerie store so it pretty much encouraged you to go in and get measured... I went like the next day because I started reading about it and how you were more likely to get bumps or breast cancer for using the wrong bra size (because it applies pressure on parts of your boob where there shouldn't be pressure). I was actually wearing the right bra size, which I'm proud about. I've never been a person that tries to make her boobs look bigger or smaller. I am not obsessed with wearing 3 bras at a time or wearing those bras that make your boobs look 2 sizes bigger... like most of the girls around me seem to be. Not to count that all of my friends in Venezuela, except for me and one other friend, have fake boobs.

    Anyway, I actually always think about that because I have some friends who always brag about how "big" their boobs are (I know, ridiculous), saying their a size D or Z, and I've seen them without a bra on, and I know they're not that size at all. I just wonder if they really don't know they're wearing the wrong size (I mean, girls have seen boobs, it's not like you wouldn't know that D cup boobs are meant to be huge), or if they just do it so they can feel like they have bigger boobs, but wouldn't that be lying to yourself? It's weird.

    In any case, you don't want your bf to ever argue that with you haha!

  17. Meaty fun bags, oh my, never quite heard this reference before, too funny! Boob master yes I would venture to say that most guys think they are "boob masters" hee hee you should write a book.

    Allie of ALLIE NYC

  18. Absolutely amazing pictures and style of blog!:)

  19. haha, I also heard about that but wearing the wrong size can't be comfy I suppose... once I ordered a bra online and it was slightly big for me and gosh how annoying it felt. not great at all. so I don't really understand why would someone enjoy (buy) a wrong size bra? not comfy, not great, not sexy or anything. by the way, men seem to be real smartasses sometimes, especially when it comes to women's stuff like bras, periods and so on :D

    Maikeni blogi - part of me

  20. Your bf is so great! I always have fun when you talk about him.
    Yes, i hate too much people when they feign knowing more than you about an issue. But a boy talking about boobs?? This is fun.
    They know boobs a lot, sometimes they know even more than we know. They shouldn't be underestimated.
    But the sizes... you are all right! We usually get bigger bras and smaller t-shirts. It's crazy.


    PD. I searched Katarina Cas and omg, shes so amazing!! A perfect woman. I'm in love.
    "a bunch of naked Slovenians"... yes, definitely i must watch the whole movie XD

  21. DUDE. No. Just no.
    I've never found myself in this particular situation but when I was in school, there was this one girl who'd consider herself and expert on whatever was going on, just because she'd "read it in the newspaper/saw a documentary on it". And that would include EVERYTHING from the US presidential elections to why women shouldn't wear high heels. So yeah, that really had nothing to do with your boyfriend but it reminded me of that crazy bitch and how she used to get on my nerves!


  22. HAHA if my boyfriend talk to me about that I would feel like you! lol

    Tic-Tac Living

  23. Ahahahaha! I WOULD'VE stabbed Eric. That's some bullshit. Left on your desk so you could get informed? Omg, dead.

    xo Ashley