Mar 3, 2014

Dear Doggie Diary #2


      After I had posted the first Dear Doggie Diary post, people said I should raid his diary again so I am doing just that. My brother, though, asked why I was reading his diary in the first place, but hey, my father did it to me and I'm doing it to him - it seems only fair. But I have to mention something else too. Please, don't think I'm an evil bitch who's torturing her dog by making him wear her stuff and stand still to pose for pictures. Those are actually his glasses and the whole 'photo-session' lasted less than 5 minutes because he lost all interest and will to cooperate EVEN THOUGH he's well compensated for his services - for every picture I post he gets 2 full body massages and a treat. So, now that I've made this clear, here's his diary entry from yesterday. Enjoy. I know it was a SHIT-load of fun for me.

      Yup. A dump. In the living room. It wasn't intentional, but hey, shit happens. Even to the best of us. No shit, right? Yes shit. And lots of it. Soon after we came back from the morning walk, I felt queasy and I tried holding it for a while but I couldn't. 3 seconds after the shit went down, literally, she came running to the living room. I don't know how she always knows when I'm up to something, it's like she has a sixth sense and zero tolerance for bulldogshit. You know that movie with Bruce Willis, The Sixth Sense? They should remake it with her in the leading role - The Shith Sense.
      Anyhow, I haven't seen her this mad since I broke her CD player years ago. Which, again, wasn't my fault! It's not my responsibility to mind where the cables are, the shit just appeared out of nowhere while I was running around the table and those stupid cables got tangled in my paws and then everything came crashing down around me. If anything, SHE owes ME an apology, I got scared as a motherfucker. Well, not that scared, I ain't scared of anything! But back to my shit.
      After she cleaned everything, she went back to her room and started to hit on that stupid long plastic thing and stare at that stupid flat glowing thing again. Boooooring. What did I do? I started to feel queasy again, what else. And this time, I felt a real shitstorm coming. Again, she sensed something was about to happen with her mad skills of dark sorcery and grabbed me and ran outside with me. And it was a good thing she did. As soon as my paws hit the ground, a brown geyser shot out of my ass. Luckily, I was outside. Luckily for her, ho ho. I'm a dog, I don't know how to clean, I'm not as intelligent as almighty humans are, woof woof. Suckers.
      Now she got really pissed. She kept saying: "That's because you eat shit outside, you stupid dog!! Why do you think I keep telling you not to eat garbage you find on the ground?!" But I don't think it has anything to do with that. I think she's just jealous because I always find the best stuff before she does and I eat it and she can't. Me eating dead birds and having an explosive diarrhea are two completely separate, unrelated things. I probably got diarrhea because of water. Yeah, that's it. She should clean my water bowl more often. Not yell at me. That's abuse. That's a textbook case of domestic abuse. Fuck.
      Anyhow, after that I pooped a couple more times, mostly outside. It was quite a day, really. Pretty eventful. It actually felt good to shit that much, I felt invigorated, like I'm the lord, the shit lord. You know that movie, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers? They should remake that with me in the leading role - The Lord of the Shit: The Two Piles. Ha. More like 27 piles. And one ginormous sea.

      Don't forget to follow FPS via Twitter, Bloglovin and/or Google+ to get the latest updates. But most importantly, do come by again sometimes - posting days are Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays so hopefully see you then!

      Peet


28 comments:

  1. OMG peer , you are something else.. Every time I read your post I think this was is the must entertaining of all , but next time it's even better.. Always make so smile and laugh..
    Your doggie diary, what am idea , and your doggie us quite a poser..
    He shitting again and again in living room and u running out with him.. Hehe..
    Best part was ' she should clean my bowl more often '
    I am inviting you to take part $80 Jollychic Giveaway
    http://www.beingbeautifulandpretty.com/2014/02/jollychic-80-giveaway.html?m=0
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    www.beingbeautifulandpretty.com

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  2. The glasses are just too cute. I love the pic with him sleeping on the book. I think you mentioned that your dog is on medication .. is he on steroids? My first dog that had skin issues was on steroids and the medication made her hungry .. so anything on the ground was fair game.

    Monica, www.pear-shaped-gal.com

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    Replies
    1. He's actually been eating shit since he's gotten diabetes. He never liked dead birds, I was shocked when I saw that, he was always a ... more refined eater.:) But because his blood sugar was up and down so much, he was always hungry and now won't stop looking for shit outside even thought his diabetes is in check. For now. Knock on wood.

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  3. I laughed so much at the opening to this diary. So much that I inhaled my hair and chocked on it. My housemates had no idea what's going on.

    When's the 3rd instalment coming out?

    Poor dog - hope his poor belly feels better soon.

    Corinne x
    www.skinnedcartree.com

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    Replies
    1. Judging by the way he's calmly sleeping at the moment, he's a-ok.:) I should ask you if you're ok since you said you almost choked.:D And the 3rd installment? I don't know, I guess in 4 weeks', 3 weeks' time...:)

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  4. This post just made a long day much better...hahaha! I needed that laugh.
    Yeah, it's probably the water. I'd check that bowl of his if I was you ;)
    Anyway, loooove your dog rocking his hipster glasses. He's cutest!

    The Dragonfruit Diaries

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  5. Your dog so so cute, such a fun & cute diary. Love all these pic.
    xoxo
    Christy

    http://www.am2pmchic.com/

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  6. Ahahaahah!!! Peet, your dog is the sweetest! Im happy you keep his diary, I find it very amusing and a nice entertainment to read :) You know, I already told you I never own a pet (bit unfortunately) but I can only imagine what must be when he, poor, make "his things" at home lol! No pleasure to clean then!:P Luckily you have your special sense and bring him out then!:)The Shith Sense and The Lord of the Shit makes me laugh out load! And just for his cutest face, I know you forgive him for everything!:) The glasses suit him, the last photo is way too sweet! Btw, your socks are so cool and fun!! Have a great day dear and also a very happy March! Many kisses! xo

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  7. It's almost like Dejevu. My mum called me the other day and pretty much told me the same old story only about her cat. Only it involved even more profanity and mentions of shit a well as all of the synonyms of the word in 3 different languages (I speak to my mum in Polish-Russian-Lithuanian-with a few words of English). So yeah, basically cat ate something shitty too.

    Your dog looks 1000 better in glasses than I do. and is much more photogenic. That's one handsome pooch, no shit, so to speak.

    PS. You are right. I did not table dance on tables on this occasion. I just went to dance on stage directly.

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    Replies
    1. You speak Polish, Russian, Lithuanian and English?!?!?! I'm impressed. And jealous!

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  8. This pup is far more intelligent than we all knew, and its not just those glasses that give it away, which by the way are so cute. Poor guy, I hope he is doing better, its really not his fault he can't help himself eating everything in sight. He has diabetes? Aw no, poor lil guy. That means he should pretty much have free reign of the house. Keep up the great writing dear Leos, would love to hear more about your dating escapades.

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  9. I love those long colourful striped socks you're wearing with the individual toe accommodation. Where did you find those? You must have done a great job of cleaning up Mister "Fartz" Leos's doggy poop to be confident enough to wear those around the house. He looks so clean and adorable and must love those full body massages. Too bad about his terrible taste in outside cuisine (dead birds - eewwwww). I hope he sticks to healthier tastier fare in the future. Those are great poses of him with his chin on the open book and the one of him looking at those amazing socks. :)

    http://www.full-brief-panties.blogspot.com/

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  10. I love this post!!! You dog is too cute!! <3

    Diana
    www.ManhattanImageandStyle.com
    New Blog Post: [Outfit Idea] A Trendy Day

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  11. This really gave me such a good laugh. If only we could really read into the minds of our pets. Those are the cutest doggie glasses btw!

    Rowena @ rolala loves

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  12. Oh gosh, I love him! He looks quite refined in his glasses and I always enjoy reading his daily insights ;)

    -Jen

    www.vibrantbeautyblog.com

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    Replies
    1. And no worries about the misplaced "poop eating" comment on my blog earlier- though it was one of the first things I read after waking up and I was a bit puzzled, heehee. Thanks for voting in my Oscars poll--- I think your vote was for Kate Hudson? ;)

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  13. P.S I forgot to reply to your comment. I love long comments so thanks for that. I really loved the dress, I would like to wear it myself, I think I can be counted as a very girly girl and the colour was the only of its kind on the red carpet that stood out. But also loved Kate and Charlize.

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  14. Little baby!! <3<3
    He's the perfect litlle furry teddy!!

    Hilarious post! I think you should do more like this more often =)
    And nice socks babe (althoug Leo doesn't like them)

    XXX
    http://muerdelaespina.blogspot.com.es/

    PD. My hair is new, well... not new.. but i have it since one month ago. I love it!! my bf calls me firehair!

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    Replies
    1. It suits you very well, I think.:) And yes, he's my little teddy bear, I love him even when he shits all over the place.:D

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  15. too cute for words. Those glasses? OMG. And you are hilarious, as usual xx

    http://thepersephonecomplex.blogspot.co.uk/

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  16. Okay well I've always been put off children and certain men, but I am well and truly put off pets now. I've never owned one and after this I don't think I ever will. I have no idea how I would have managed a situation like that. The one good thing about pets (and children) I guess is that you can dress them up! I've got my eye on a similar pair of glasses!

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    1. "The one good thing about pets (and children) I guess is that you can dress them up!":D :D :D :D :D

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  17. The got looks human somehow lol. As for reading other's journals and diaries I am not into it, it was done to me by my brothers and a cousin when I was around 14 and it devastated me, those were my private thoughts and dreams

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    1. I know the feeling, it wasn't fun for me either...

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  18. Todd had potty troubles when I first got him and it was HORRENDOUS. Lucky you've got a strong stomach, eh? P.s. those pictures of him sleeping on the book <3333 soooo cute!

    xo Ashley
    thetiniestfirecracker.com

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  19. no way! Elvis had a similar problem this week but hey, it was even worse actually. I came home from work after 5PM and felt that something was smelling like sh*t. when I finally went to the kitchen I saw a huuuge pile of shit there, yay! and I mean HUUUUUGE. I had to use a respirator to breathe in there while cleaning the whole mess. and even his pillow was covered with you know what. so yeah, was a cute evening :) and I definitely know what you felt. but anyway, let me tell you those photos are beyond cute. tell Leos he's cute cute cute! :D

    Maiken,
    Maikeni blogi - part of me

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  20. Haha wtf. I didn't see my best hero's post ! Seriously Peet you impress me... after more than one year you always manage to be funny and your visuals and pictures are better and better... reading you is just awesome. Reading this makes me miss having a dog so much !

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  21. hey, you! I don't know why but for some reason I can't comment on your newest posts... don't know what's the reason but I thought I would let you know, just in case. because yesterday I kind of saw a comment box under your newest post but today it was not there any more. take care, Peet!

    Maiken,
    Maikeni blogi - part of me

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