Mar 21, 2014

Evolutionary Stuckness Is a Turtle

For Peet's Sake blog black and white photography girl eyes wink drawn on hand fingers palm

      I don't know if you've ever thought about this but it would really suck being a turtle. Yes, they are cute (you might think differently, but hey, from a turtle's crawlpoint, turtles have to be cute, right?). And yes, it would be super cool to have a permanent house on your back (think of all the numerous times you were drunk somewhere and you wished you were home already - if you were a turtle, you would be). But. Take all of that out of the equation and you're pretty much left with nothing. And in turtle time, that's a whooooooole lot of nothing.
      Turtles on average - and I'm not talking about those turtles you buy in a pet store because you think you want a pet and you decide to get a turtle just to find out that you can't do much with it and so you flush it down the toilet because you're mean and should be shot on the spot, no, not those turtles, but other turtles, like Galapagos turtles - live on average 200 years. And that's actually not that long because in China, in a Guangzhou aquarium you have the oldest turtle on the planet (that we know of) that's 400 years old. Can you imagine how fucked up it would be to be up to date all the time - for 400 years?? When you were born, the world didn't have the faintest idea what electricity was, then one day you woke up and there were cars zooming about and there were computers and Internet and Facebook and all you wanted to do is shrink your head inside your shell and change your status from 'single' to 'it's all too complicated'.
      Speaking of being up to date and Facebook. I know I'm not the former and I don't want to get the latter. I simply don't have the nerves to deal with yet another technical shit. I had mIRC, I knew all about mIRC, I was the queen of mIRC and that's where my social-networking evolution came to a screeching halt and I couldn't care less. Now you have people talking about Vine and I think to myself: "It's wine, you idiot, with a 'w'." Or is there a new spelling in rotation and I didn't get the memo because nobody but me uses mIRC anymore?
      Want further proof of my evolutionary stuckness? Not that long ago, I texted my boyfriend something about Facebook and I spelled it 'Face Book'. Now he thinks he's dating a dinosaur. But for your information (and his), I'm not a dinosaur and neither are turtles, we're all groovy creatures, even though they might seem like (and actually are) living fossils. But what's with all this turtle talk anyway? I'll tell you. Sometimes I have to lean and check if there's a tiny green tail growing out of my mom's behind because sometimes it sure seems she's that Guangzhou turtle - a living fossil. Want proof of her evolutionary stuckness? No problem, there's tons.
  • She always signs her name at the end of any text message. Even though I've told her numerous times, I have her number.
  • Touch screens are her worst enemy. I think she'd welcome syphilis with more open arms than a touch screen phone.
  • She can operate an ultrasound machine and tell you what negative T waves and right-sided precordial leads mean, but she can't grasp the concept of a CAPTCHA. She thinks it's all a scam to get money from her.
  • She says that she 'forgets' to use rear view mirrors while driving because they didn't have them when she learned how to drive.
      I get that touch screens can be a bit much for both turtles and humans alike, but to tell me that cars didn't have rear view mirrors not even half a century ago has to be an excuse. It has to be, right? As it turns out, it isn't.
      At the beginning, cars didn't have any mirrors or any lights either and of course it was a woman, who first considered having a mirror on board. In 1906, Dorothy Levitt published a book The Woman and the Car and among other things wrote: "Carry a little hand mirror in convenient place so you may hold the mirror aloft from time to time in order to see behind while driving in traffic." But despite the cleverness of her idea, plenty of time had to pass before it become mandatory for cars to be equipped with mirrors. In some US states it was even against the law to have a mirror on the car since that way you could spot police and other law enforcement approaching from behind (think of 1920s, 1930s, prohibition, Al Capone and all that good stuff). You can still get a 1970s car without all of the mirrors so ok, mom, it's not your fault that you drive like a suicide bomber, it's all evolution's fault.
      Think about it, if something as technologically complex as a mirror can pose a problem, the rest of technology is bound to cause havoc. And in that respect, apparently all of us are living fossils and I can't feel but sorry for that Guangzhou turtle, that creature must really be lost. So I'd gladly say that evolutionary stuckness is a bitch but to comply with the today's reptilian theme I must leave the canine reference for some other occasion - evolutionary stuckness is definitely a turtle!
     
For Peet's Sake blog black and white photography girl eyes X drawn on hand fingers palm

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      Peet