Since my dog's been a little under the weather these past weeks, he hasn't been able to write anything new, but I really wanted to keep the Dear Doggie Diary series alive and well (even though he isn't necessarily the latter himself) so I thought I'd go through his old diaries and post an entry from way back when. To my deference, you can see throwback posts all over the Internet, so why wouldn't I jump on the throwback bandwagon too (even though I'm not a fan of those posts in their true unoriginal form). So yes, the text below is old, but the two pictures are definitely not from 2007, they're from yesterday when he was catching his mandatory beauty sleep. And no wonder he's cute as fuck — when you get 18 hours of beauty sleep a day, you better be a frigging masterpiece, you better put all of the Victoria's Secret angels to shame and make Marilyn Monroe look like vomit. Which, in my opinion, he does. But enough from me, here's his entry.
OMG, you'll never guess what I did today!!! And when I tell you, you'll never believe it!! Ok, maybe you will, because it's me who's saying it, but still — it's pretty crazy, even for me. But first things first.
In the evening, the dude came. I really don't know why he keeps coming. We're always having a good time, me and her, I get all of her attention and then he has to come and rain ... No, it's not rain, he SHITS all over my parade! He even got her to forbid me from going on the bed, for fuck's sake!! He's so fucking sterile. "Oh, the dog's hair gets all over my clothes, blah blah." Well fuck you, man. What? So you don't have any hair that falls out?? I've seen your hair in my water bowl but I don't complain about it. I take it like a man!
Anyhow. Where was I? Oh, yes, that's right. So he comes over and they take me out for a walk. I don't know why HE had to come, but fine, whatever, at least she was busy sucking his annoying face and didn't pay attention to me so I was able to eat whatever. Score! But wait. There's more. When we were half way done with
our MY walk, they just stopped and got really close and just wouldn't move. For a second, I couldn't see her face at all, it got sucked in that big head of his. So I waited. And waited. And sniffed a bit. And waited some more. And then I went around the corner to sniff there. And then I came back — they were still going at it. And then I thought to myself FUCK THIS and I went over to them, stepped next to the dude, lifted my paw — and peed on him! Yup, that's right! I fucking peed on him! What?!
Then, all hell broke loose, as you can imagine. He kept saying: "He pissed on me! The dog pissed on me!!" Yeah, dude, I'm glad you got the message. Now tell me, you prefer my hair on you or my urine? He wasn't amused. But she was. She thought it was really funny and she kept laughing. At least she gets a joke! I don't know what pissed him off more — me peeing on him or her laughing about it. It was a good walk, I must admit.
When we were alone, though, she did say that I'm crazy for peeing on people and that I shouldn't do that anymore. Well ... We'll see. If he behaves ...
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