Apr 7, 2014

Penis Heels

      A long long time ago when I was going through a shitty period and I was feeling miserable day in and day out, I came up with a plan one evening on how to see some light amidst all the darkness: I decided that I'd find three positives every day — no matter how miserable I was feeling, I had to come up with three positive things that happened to me that day or that made me happy one way or another. I even had a neat notebook and I wrote them down all diligently and shit. Now looking back, the idea sounds so lame and so bunny and rainbow inspired, I can't believe it was mine. And what's more, I can't believe it worked. But it did.
      Although that plan worked really well for a while, I've abandoned it. Now, when I need a little pick me up, I have a drink (very healthy, I know) or I try to get on my boyfriend's nerves (and I've become a real pro at it, naturally) or I go on a quest for examples of human stupidity (stupid people are the salt of life, mind you). Luckily, I don't have to gear up like Indiana Jones and fight snakes and mummies and raid tombs (or was that someone else?) to get some great examples — I simply scroll through my blog's traffic source keywords. Even though I don't need a pick me up per se today, I thought there might be someone out there who does so why not help out a fellow human in need — there's always someone who needs to feel better about themselves and when you feel better about yourself on someone else's account, well, there's nothing better than that, right? I mean, who doesn't like to know that they're not the stupidest fuck on the face of this blue and green grey orb? So today I'm posting a list of my blog's traffic source keywords.
      I've actually done this two times already (here and here) and every time, judging by the comments on and off line, not everybody understood where those keywords were coming from, so I'll try to explain it better this time. Imagine just your average day. You come home from wherever you usually go to, you're bored out your wits and you turn on your computer and log online. Then you probably encounter one of the search engines (Google, YouTube, Yahoo, etc.) and you think to yourself: "Hmmm, what am I in the mood for today?" and then you type in something like 'Ryan Seacrest topless' ... Well, nobody probably looks for that. 'Ryan Gosling topless', that's better. Or 'Kim Kardashian's Instagram pictures'. Or 'zebra porn'. Or 'why is six afraid of seven'. Or 'adorable bull terrier puppies'. Or 'White Russian recipe'. Or 'how to order a Russian bride'. Or whatever tickles your fancies and floats your boat. Then you click search and after some hits are displayed, you click on those. Every time you click on a link, the person who created that link or page or site or blog, has access to the words you typed in the search box that brought you to that link, page, site, blog. Those words are called traffic search keywords.
      So the words you see below are those words that random people — not me — were looking for which led them to my blog. And I'm sure happy they did, because they're fucking priceless. I hope they'll make you feel better about yourself as much as they have me. (Everything in brackets and in italics is my commentary, which I couldn't resist adding.)

  • does cutting your hair in February make it longer (cutting generally makes your hair shorter, but you go and have a try and let me know)
  • leather pants spanked
  • nice ass quotes
  • Dr Martens make me look like a prostitute
  • eating girl ass
  • how do I keep my butt warm while skiing
  • how to get Ariel red hair at a salon (You go to one and ask there?)
  • how to look cool skiing (you learn how to ski)
  • how to look hot on the ski slopes
  • how to make your dog's gas smell like a flower
  • how to make your hair long in 1 day
  • how to repel girls
  • I buzzed my hair too short (And what would you want the Internet to do about it?)
  • men can have fun with nail color too
  • painted nail sex tubes (Either my sex life is incredibly boring or this makes no sense.)
  • oiled bikini
  • penis heels
  • petite dark hair legging clit
  • west highland terrier farting (Same here, dude, same here ...)
  • what to go with a dog that farts
  • anus nice
  • by shaving my hair in head regularly can we grow hair
  • hair spells to make it grow faster (You watched Charmed way to much as a kid, haven't you?)
  • girl that has dicks can pee standing up with camera
  • how can I make my nipples grow 2 cm long naturally?
  • how to get reid of a gril (Boy, that gril must really be awful since you were obviously in a real hurry...)
  • how to make hair longer in 1 night (Write to Santa.)
  • how to make short hair look good on the slopes
  • I had really thick hair but kept dying it is there anyway to get my hair thick again UK store products (You forgot 'Dear diary!' at the beginning.)
  • I made my hair grow fast (High five, dude.)
  • I trimmed my hair from my head do I want to make it even (I don't know. Do you?)
  • is it proper to ditch a girl
  • penis chest tattoo (You want a tattoo of a penis on your chest? Really?)
  • westie that farts a lot (Hey, I have one of those too. I guess it's a DNA malfunction.)
  • why do my farts smell like death
  • tattoo girl trust no bitch
  • egg farts from dog
  • oiled sex (... is the best sex to have)
  • dog fart.com
  • dog farts in car (and I bet dog farts in train, plane or boat if you put one there)
  • a truly working fast hair grow spell
  • sexy g string bum crack
  • I wish I had a dick
  • controlled by my dog fart (Aren't we all, man...)

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  1. OMG, those search keywords and your commentaries just gave me the best belly ache of my life! I can´t seem to close my mouth while reading this post. Your really a great storyteller, Peet. And hey, I love that stripe maxi and leather jacket combination. So cool just like your dog. ;)


  2. Speaking of three positives, I recently read an article about Shailene Woodley saying that she yells "GOOD MORNING EXCITING DAY" every morning for a good start. I'm so happy you added the comments back on your blog and I hope your dog is doing fine. (No pity, don't worry, I know you don't want pity so I'm just being considerate and friendly ;P) Add this to your list of 3 positives for today: we nominated you the Very Inspiring Blogger award.
    More info here:

    Emma & Miki

  3. I'm constantly surprised by the search keywords that lead people to my blog so it's pretty interesting to see yours. And yes this does totally make me feel better :)

    Rowena @ rolala loves

  4. Hahaha I loved this post. I always find my keyword searches a little strange too. But I have to say you win with the most searches about farts! Haha. Thanks for making my day ;)
    Love Dani. www.huntinginheelsblog.com xxx

  5. Ahaahah Peet, for sure you have the funniest traffic search keywords! I do remember your previous posts about them and Im not wondered you keep to have them! They brightened up my day (or better night)! Mine are pretty easy and normal, so far nothing to laugh about. But telling about what you did many times ago to cheer you up, I think is so lovely and I would need to do the same!:) Btw, have missed you girl, really, so happy to be able to stop by here and just share how much love reading you. Say hi to ur sweet puppy and u of course look super cool! Many kisses! xo

  6. haha Funny, I have a lot of wtf keywords too (especially boobs...go figure)
    I love our little fart machine with the hat !
    Let us know after the surgery <3

  7. Killer look, as always! Love the multi-coloured nail polish. Doggie looks fab in your hat :)



  8. This is THE actual greatest thing ever. I was reading them to Eric and laughing so hard I was almost crying. "How do I make my nipples grow 2cm naturally?" LMAO. Oh god. This is gold. Gold, I tell you.

    Welcome back to comment land! I was hoping you'd put them up so I could tell you JUST how funny this actually was. Also hoping that everything's going smoothly with your doggy friend. :)

    xo Ashley

  9. Oh man, now this is way of topic, but wouldn't it be cool to be all Indiana Jones and adventurers and shit. Fighting off snakes and quicksand, discovering lost civilizations with muscly Ryan Gosling like half naked bodies? Sigh! Hehehe! You're keyword searches are always great for a laugh. I think I mentioned this before but mine are always referring to porno sites and stuff. Obviously something is going wrong here. I am the worlds biggest prude and don't post that kind of stuff. Sure a nipple or two here and there though they're strictly editorial in nature and definitely not of my own! Bahahaha! Anyhoo love, wouldn't it be cool if you unearthed that journal and made a post on all those good things you'd recorded. They'd be good for a smile or two and might serve to inspire someone else out there in need of a pick me up. Hell if you don't I think I'll do it. Then again nobody ever reads what I write so it might be fruitless... But I'd love to hear how one of your dogs farts made you literlally, L O L! I know my dogs do! ;op


  10. Maybe in the future people will be able to find your blog by Googling "bunny rainbows"? I'm so glad you and your Fblogging fashionista West Highland Terrier Mr. Farts are feeling better than you did before.
    I think "Stupid Human Tricks" wound up being more successful on David Letterman's "Late Show" than his "Stupid Pet Tricks" did. Based on the "Tonight Show" segment titled "Jay Walking" I suspect Jay Leno also would agree that "stupid people are the salt of life".
    I'm pretty sure I found your blog through one of your comments on another blog although I do Google searches too. I look for "OOTD", "Haul" "Lingerie Fashion" "Fashionista" "fashion blogger" and check the homepages of "#Fbloggers" on Twitter. Judging by the search terms other people were looking for when they found your blog I guess I can expect some pretty interesting people when I visit your commenters' blogs. Okay, I may have googled something similar to "nice ass". I love your commentary in italics - and you do have a nice looking bottom in that pretty striped dress. You picked a lovely fashion look to steal from Mr. Fartz with that knit green hat too. Your hair looks beautiful and I like your yellow nailpolish.


    1. Better bunny rainbows than eating girl ass.:D When my bf read that, he said: "But wait, how did THEY get to your blog, what do you write about??":) About everything I guess. And I'm not surprised about Stupid Human Tricks actually, we are gullible creatures. And that's putting it mildly, I think ... :)

  11. Ahh the weird ways of Google... haha, this is priceless!! I don't need a pick me up today either, but man am I glad you shared this post!
    The idea of writing down positive thoughts is not bad at all, I've been doing the same, but with quotes. It does help sometimes!

    PS. Doggy looks very stylish with your beanie! :D

    1. I know, I know, he basically stole the show.:D

  12. Wiiii!!!
    Hi, nice hat. It looks nice on your baby =)

    after your third post about keywords I was so curious to look at mine. The first three are "lady gaga naked", "lady gaga nude" and "naked lady gaga".
    It's clear what people expect to see on the blog =)

    But I don't think anything could overcome a penis in the chest hahaha


  13. This is AMAZEBALLS! But it does make me worry about the future of the human race if this is what people do on the internet. I have to try this out myself.

    Hugs, Lady Justice


    1. I ALWAYS say that - I'm worried about the future of mankind. And I'm shocked at how far we've gotten too.:D

  14. This is beautiful! Loving your fashion taste!
    Kisses and great vibes from Miami,

  15. There is some fucked people out there. That is all. (but they doe make me laugh so yay!) xx


  16. Hahah these are so funny! couldnt help but notice that there are so many queries related to growing your hair haha. Its like your the hair growth fairy!! BTW I'm so glad you are back to commenting. Hope your doggie is doing well and his surgery was good. He looks cuter than you with the blue hat :) Keep in touch!

    1. He looks cuter?!?!? Heeey!!!! ... I actually know you're right.:) But to be honest, no one could win against him.:)

  17. oh Christ alive, Peet.

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha only you could have a blog with those kinds of traffic search keywords. Only you.

  18. well hello! I'm glad you've finally opened that comment box! I missed it. I really did. and those keywords, those are always insane here in your blog. even my blog has some pretty sick ones from time to time but yours is definitely crazier! there must be some lunatics out there who are searching for all those sick things I guess. especially sick are those about dogs farting and cutting your hair to make it longer. how can someone be so stupid, I just don't get it. we do live in a crazy world though. oh and I just had to mention your comments definitely make my day so thank you for that, Petra!

    Maikeni blogi - part of me

    1. oh, one more thing! how is your furry friend doing?? give him a warm hug from me, or a snack if he hates hugs :)

  19. At the moment he's sleeping and farting under my chair so I guess all is well in Dogland.:D He actually adjusted to being blind and is getting better at finding his way around the house every day. Thank god, because carrying him everywhere and guiding him was really a full-time job. But as for stupid people ... Man ... I don't get it either. There are really some major WTF?!?!?! moments there.:D

  20. Ja fak, tole je pa res too much! Najhuje kar sam jaz našla med svojimi iskalnimi besedami je bilo 'porno, debele, starejše'..neki tazga. Ne vem, mogoče ni bila tako pametna ideja, da sem en zavihek poimenovala 'food porn' :D. Drugače pa…. fajn blog imaš tule…zelo svež in direkten, tega manjka =)


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