Apr 30, 2014

Sex in the Animal Kingdom: Interesting, Weird and Cool Facts — Part 1

      A few days ago, I watched a show on TV where they said that lobsters pee in each other's face before they have sex and I must admit that took me quite by surprise. I had known already that male elephants tasted female urine to decide whether they like the female elephant and thus want to mate with her or not but where did lobsters come from, twisted fucks?? And you and me thought that golden showers were something extra kinky — apparently in the animal kingdom, urolagnia is the missionary. But then I had a Curb Your Enthusiasm marathon (and you really should have one too, that guy's hilarious) and in one of the episodes an interesting fact came up.
      Apparently Orthodox Hasidic Jews have sex through a sheet in which they cut a hole for the penis to poke through because they believe sex is something sinful and dirty and a necessary evil for the sole purpose of procreation. I'm sorry, what?! To cover everything BUT the penis? I'm not the biggest fan of condoms but this sounds even worse. Of course I had to investigate and it turns out it's a myth, an urban legend, a complete fabrication. Thank God. Or should I say baruch HaShem.
      Since I was already looking up the sex through a sheet bullshit, I remembered the peeing lobster freak and googled that too. An then I googled the peeing elephant freak just to make sure, I was right. And then that snowballed into me googling a whole lot of other crazy stuff and when you google urine+sex+various animals, interesting shit comes up. And before I knew it, hours of my life got sucked in that black hole otherwise known as ze Internet. Fun.
      Since I devoted a significant portion of my time to this highly important research, I'd be extra stupid and extra selfish if I didn't share some of the most shocking or simply awesome facts with you, wouldn't I? And I'd like to think I'm neither of the two so today I'll share a bunch of interesting facts on sex courtesy of the animal kingdom. And in case you forgot — we're a part of that posse too. So let's get to it..

1. So, first off, lobsters. They pee in each other's face because otherwise they don't know whether they've encountered a boy or a girl so a female pees in the guy's face, letting him know she's a girl and then — check this out — the guy flips her over and they have sex. Yes, lobsters have sex in the missionary position.

2. Not just lobsters and elephants, goats dig urine too. Male goat pees all over his chest and belly to attract the female.

3. Not just lobsters, elephants and goats, porcupines are also pro-urine. But a male porcupine doesn't pee on himself, he pisses all over his Dulcinea (what a shocker) — that's how he tells her he wants her. Apparently communication issues are trans-special.

4. Not just lobsters, elephants, goats and porcupines, giraffes are also weeing aficionados. Male giraffes walk around the females and nudge them in their butt until they start to pee in their mouth directly. If they like what they taste (if the female's in heat) they begin to hit on her. Very romantic, right?

5. A single male human produces enough sperm in two weeks — TWO WEEKS — to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet. Cross my heart, I crossed my legs when I read that.

6. The average speed of male ejaculation is 28 miles per hour or 45 kilometers per hour. The fastest dude on the planet, Usain Bolt, is slower than that (27.79 miles per hour/44.72 kilometers per hour).

7. There are 20 male masochists for every female masochist. Strange, I only know a bunch of sadists . . .

8. The larger the man's testicles, the more likely he is to cheat.

9. A female ferret will die if she doesn't have sex for one year. When they're in heat they produce high levels of estrogen and if they don't mate and get pregnant, those levels are lethal.

10. The female bedbug has no sexual opening so the male drills a 'vagina' into her with his 'dick' and inseminates her into her body cavity or wherever he drills. The 'drilling' process is called traumatic insemination. And you thought having a thick hymen was a problem.

      Even though there's more, I'll stop here because I don't want to overwhelm you so I'll post the next set in the near future. I probably should warn you though. While I was looking for the peeing lobsters, I also found an array of cool facts on urine. And yes, I plan on sharing those sometime soon too. Hey, sex and urine — what's not to like?

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  1. After being enlightened by reading the results of some of your research I have to conclude that humans are behaviorally even more similar to other animals than I had suspected (and that's saying something since I didn't think the differences were that great to begin with. Simultaneously, if I hadn't already been aware of their double-think and hypocrisy, I would wonder how dominionists and televangelists justified trying to forbid the teaching of sex education when, in fact, that which could be learned might make their own private peccadilloes and kinky proclivities seem more normal if they were to be exposed. Of course that would deprive the tabloids of some of the finger-wagging feigning of shock and seeming scandal of their revelations when those peccadilloes were exposed. Heck, your research even makes me feel more relatively "normal". I still prefer my own idiosyncrasies to the other animal kingdom ones you've noted above.
    I LOVE your blue hair!!! I also love your dress and the fascinating setting for your outfit photos and am wondering what that building used to be used for? You're looking fabulous - beauty and brains!


    1. In my book, everything is normal.:) If everyone agrees on it, of course...

      That's actually an old military barracks where all the officers used to 'hang'. Now it's completely abandoned and since it's on a slightly remote location, there's hardly ever any people there which makes it perfect for someone to take a bunch of pictures undisturbed.:)

  2. I wanted to apologise for not addressing any of the listed 10 individual interesting, weird and cool facts. I's so easy to figuratively put my foot in my mouth - sometimes it's difficult for me to restrain myself from saying inappropriate things, like for instance: With respect to number 7 did you mean you knew no masochists of either gender or just no male masochists (I think I qualify as one but don't tell anybody). I'm pleading the 5th Amendment (right not to testify against myself) with respect to the rest of them. I don't drink any more so at least I don't get figuratively "shit-faced". I only had one more question: Did you ask Leos (Mr. Fartz's) opinions on the facts turned up by your interesting research?

  3. "I crossed my legs when I read that", you are so great! Not only was this very informational and hilarious (many fun facts I will be pulling out to show off my knowledge about sex in the animal kingdom... because, well, I now am) but your pictures are so cool. The staircase is the perfect amount of old movie feel and just pure genius made by you!

    http://petitemaisonoffashion.blogspot.com/ ♥

    1. Well . . . Thanks, babe! I'm blushing over here!!;)

  4. Ah, so many crazy, interesting, hilarious facts! I've felt like a female ferret now and again and what- 45km/hr- astounding (alarming?)! :)



  5. Ahhh you copied my blue hair! haha jokes, looks fab hun! You grossed me out on this one for sure, I'm sitting here at work pulling weird faces haha. Next person I sleep with I'm gonna be checking out the size of their balls now....xx


    1. Indeed I did! Come on, how could I not, blue hair is AWESOME.

  6. Oh man, my roommate and I were reading through this post together...aha, you find the damnest things!
    But yes, made for an interresting read for sure! xD

    The Dragonfruit Diaries

    1. Glad I could accommodate you two. I hope you like the post on urine too.:D

  7. Looking hooot Peet!! And those are some insane sex facts.. I think I'm a ferret too haha and when it comes to lobsters, I always thought they were delicious, but now that I know they love missionary I must say I love them more ;) How've you been? And how's farty pants doing?? Hope his surgery went well and he's good :)

    1. ". . . when it comes to lobsters, I always thought they were delicious . . ." You're so cruel.:D I wonder what would bears say about us. 'They're annoying, but can make a pretty great snack. If you can put up with all the screaming beforehand. Deer are so much more quiet.' :)

      Doggy says hi.;)

  8. I have so much to say considering I have been catching up on your posts and have a whole bunch of stuff to say about EVERYTHING. Which would bore you to death and then some in the afterlife, or in your next life - dependant on the beliefs.
    So due to my badass self-control skills, I shall make it snappy. First of all, I tend to google shit like that all the time. It's weird - try youtubing stuff like this and the documentaries you'll get will raise even more questions... such as: if the BBC made a documentary like THIS, there must have been high demand, yeah? Just the other day the boyf and I watched a docu on sex in ancient egypt and depictions of genitalia in hieroglyphs! And those are there - in your FACE on a whole array of temple walls. Now there's a temple I'd religiously go to.
    Anywho. I am for some reason obsessed with abandoned buildings. I literally google them and then keep on looking at images of derelict buildings for HOURS. I want to shoot in one so badly but, as you can imagine, I am too chicken to go alone. I am not even joking. Therefore I obsessively watch your backgrounds and think HOLY MOLLY the images look flipping FIERCE, as do you, of course. Welcome back, blue hair.

    It's ok, you can wake up now, I am done with my crap :)


    1. R u kidding me, you could never bore me to death. You could if you really really really tried, but then again - why would you?:) You're so right, it defintiely poses a question of what kind of stuff is in demand. I guess we're sick fucks all of us. But that's not that surprising actually, isn't it?:)

  9. Lol. You (and I, apparently) find the weirdest things the most interesting. I actually enjoyed reading these!

    xo Ashley

  10. I fully believed about the hole in the sheet. But I was told it were the Amish. It's incredible that it's a lie. Wo wanted to invent that?
    An i think traumatic insemination is really frightening... i can even think about that... brrrrr

    Your pictures are so awesome, like ever. I love this stairs. I would photograph it with no rest.




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