May 19, 2014

Call the Exorcist!!!

      It's getting warmer, have you noticed? Everything is getting greener and more colorful and more 'bloomy'. There are bugs shagging everywhere (I've even seen two ladybugs doing it this past week) and birds are cheerfully chirping their spring symphony with full force. Lovely, right? Just warms your heart, right? Nobody can find anything wrong with this picture, right? Wrong. I can. Sure, all of the spring paraphernalia is great but along with all the bugs and the birds, yet another breed of animals came out of hibernation — hordes of Homo sapiens cubs. And they've all come to play outside MY window. Thanks, spring.
      Unlike spring, winter was enchantingly silent. Nobody was using the slide and fell off its ladder and then screamed like a little psycho maniac as if they've at least cracked open their skull. Nobody was using the monkey bars either and fell off them and then screamed like a little psycho maniac as if they've at least torn off a limb. And for sure nobody used the swing from which oddly enough nobody fells but the damn thing squeals all on its own with each swing so frigging bad even gutted pigs would feel sorry for it. One day, I'd had it with the cursed squeaking and I went and WD-40-ed the shit out of the damn joints and now it's a tad better. But unfortunately I can't WD-40 children. Maybe I could Mace them, although I don't think that would help with the squealing, but WD-40 is definitely out of the questions.
      Since a can of good old WD-40 won't do, I — cross my heart — almost called an exorcist a couple of times this past week because the infernal screaming was just too . . . well, hellish, but thanks to this yelling of demonic proportions, I overheard something which made me pretty damn happy. Remember the two kids who live above me from this post? Well, they were at it again.
      The two gremlins were swinging away on the swing, when all of a sudden one of them, the boy, decided to add to the squeaking of the swing and screamed: "THE FIRST ONE WHO SITS ON A BIKE WINS!!!" And with that, he ran off to his blue bike which was about 30 of his steps away from the swings, right next to his sister's pink bike. All the while, his sister was carelessly swinging and watching her brother run like a little wheezy troll completely unfazed by his provocation.
      When he finally got to his bike, he grabbed it and jumped on it and yelled out: "I WIN!!!"
      His sister, still swinging, said quietly with an ice-cold voice: "First one who sits on a swing wins."
      I thought that the woman who bit her cheating husband's penis off was a genius, but this was better. I almost went out and high-five-ed the girl, while her brother almost started crying. Typical.
      Then the boy ran up to our building and started relentlessly calling his dad. When he called out DAAAAAAAAAAAD for the 27th time, dad finally came.
      "What? What is it??"
      "Umm . . . I'm hot. I want to take off my jacket."
      A brief moment of silence. "Well, just take it off then!!"
      Notice, how the BOY came and asked that, not the girl? Talk about female supremacy. Girls really should rule the world. And one day they will. Without all the screaming.

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  1. Yes, I have noticed the weather getting beautiful and everything starting to grow like crazy - and saw some birds shagging. The times when I regret not having had children come over me more often as I approach fossildom. Thank you for helping me assuage those feelings and reminding me of why, perhaps, I should feel lucky I never had to deal with any brats of my own. I should be thankful I never had to put up with all that shrill noise, the worries, and all the other stuff the little rug rats can get into. If you do decide to call an exorcist please let me know if any of those knee biters has their head start spinning around while vomiting green puke the way Linda Blair did in the movie "The Exorcist". That was hilarious how the little girl in the swing and bicycle story outsmarted her brother. When you said "Girls should rule the world" it reminded me somewhat of the lyrics to the music video by Beyoncé - Run the World (Girls) - YouTube. They really don't (yet) but I agree they should, and hopefully will find solutions (without mace) for the shrill shrieking of the humanoid offspring. :)

    1. :D I'm sure it'd be exactly like Linda Blair! But your comment made me think — what's worst, all the screaming or the worries? Probably screaming.:)

  2. Beautifully written post, as always! Those photos are stunning :)


  3. Sickest belt I've ever seen. I love the shirt tuck.
    Girls should run the world... I am ok with that.

    xoxo, ♥

    1. I just stopped my Barry White greatest hits clip on YouTube to watch those two???:D Thanks, babe.;) But wait, who records a clip like that and then decides to post it online?!?!?! Fuck.:)

  4. Sometimes kids are fun. :) I'm not sure if I ever want to be pregnant, but Baby Boy makes me so happy some days, that sometimes I really think about. Other times, I refuse sex.

    xo Ashley

    1. Refuse sex????:D My boyfriend did that once when EVERYBODY around us was getting pregnant and kept saying that we were next. And one night he said: "Na-a, I'm not having sex, no way, this is fucking madness.":)

  5. Its getting colder here :( Although today was randomly warm, anywho I will be in the European summer soon enough! xx

  6. hi five to the girl on the swing . and what wife bit her husbands PP for cheating !!!
    girls must rule the world
    happy that you like my new blog format , worked so hard on it :)
    keep in touch

  7. Lol, I remember those kids from ur previous post, arent they fun? At least you laughed! That is so typical from a girl, is the girl power indeed!:) And regarding bugs, is your boyfriend still scared by them? :) Many kisses my dear xo

  8. You see, you say my photos brighten your day, but your photos blow mine out of the water - love them and ooooh so sexy. In fact it almost seems wrong to be looking at your ample bosom (which i envy by the way) and reading about children playing out in the sunshine ha ha. Fortunately all the kids around my area have grown up so it's very peaceful now, just the odd guy who is proud of his triple exhausts reminds us he is here every now and again. Of course women rule - I love being a woman, but would love to be a man for a day x

  9. Girls should totally rule the world. Not just the underground, but like...everything. Those photos are gorgeous! You look so different to how I;m used to seeing you, in a way...I really love them :) xx

  10. Hahahaha. Oh Peet, I love the way you view the world. It's amazing. The girl truly did win.

    I want to mace children also. Children should be banned from Disneyland. All they do is push and shove and scream and shout. This one kid kept touching my backpack yesterday and his mum kept telling him to stop it but he kept on doing it again and again anyway. I wanted to punch the little cunt in the face. If that was my kid, I would have taken him out of Disneyworld for being such a little shit. I kept feeling like I was being pick pocketed. They should have adult only days at Disney as children just irritate the hell out of me. Brats.

    Corinne x

  11. Beautiful photos!

    Yes the world is looking so amazing! The plants are greener. There are flowers everywhere! The only thing is, here in Vegas it is hot as hell. I wish the 3 weeks of Spring we had would come back!

    xo, N

  12. awesome post :D
    ok, im adding you to my watch list ! :P

  13. Hi Peet, this photos look like part of an editorial, superbly done! I sometime teach little kids so I know exactly what you're going through, expect I have 25 of them under 6 all screaming, jumping, fighting and trying to get on the same swing at the same time. Never thought about the exorcist or mace, lol, thanks for that! I appreciate that you always take the time to stop by :) And do check out HTSI magazine, they have some really good articles and editorials, so much more better than the tabloid trash everywhere else. And no Kardashians, ohhhh, could you please do a post on your opinion on them, Id love to read that! Id pay to read it!

  14. you look damn hot here babe !
    I wondered many times why women didn't rule the world. I think they don't care that much. Men really care to be the boss (or pretend they are), women probably know they are ^^

  15. Oh my. Your ears musta been bleeding. My friend shouted at a kid chasing pigeons on a busy street just yesterday.
    Meanwhile I hid behind her. I really hate pigeons.
    I totally agree with you is my point. SO annoying.


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