It's getting warmer, have you noticed? Everything is getting greener and more colorful and more 'bloomy'. There are bugs shagging everywhere (I've even seen two ladybugs doing it this past week) and birds are cheerfully chirping their spring symphony with full force. Lovely, right? Just warms your heart, right? Nobody can find anything wrong with this picture, right? Wrong. I can. Sure, all of the spring paraphernalia is great but along with all the bugs and the birds, yet another breed of animals came out of hibernation — hordes of Homo sapiens cubs. And they've all come to play outside MY window. Thanks, spring.
Unlike spring, winter was enchantingly silent. Nobody was using the slide and fell off its ladder and then screamed like a little psycho maniac as if they've at least cracked open their skull. Nobody was using the monkey bars either and fell off them and then screamed like a little psycho maniac as if they've at least torn off a limb. And for sure nobody used the swing from which oddly enough nobody fells but the damn thing squeals all on its own with each swing so frigging bad even gutted pigs would feel sorry for it. One day, I'd had it with the cursed squeaking and I went and WD-40-ed the shit out of the damn joints and now it's a tad better. But unfortunately I can't WD-40 children. Maybe I could Mace them, although I don't think that would help with the squealing, but WD-40 is definitely out of the questions.
Since a can of good old WD-40 won't do, I — cross my heart — almost called an exorcist a couple of times this past week because the infernal screaming was just too . . . well, hellish, but thanks to this yelling of demonic proportions, I overheard something which made me pretty damn happy. Remember the two kids who live above me from this post? Well, they were at it again.
The two gremlins were swinging away on the swing, when all of a sudden one of them, the boy, decided to add to the squeaking of the swing and screamed: "THE FIRST ONE WHO SITS ON A BIKE WINS!!!" And with that, he ran off to his blue bike which was about 30 of his steps away from the swings, right next to his sister's pink bike. All the while, his sister was carelessly swinging and watching her brother run like a little wheezy troll completely unfazed by his provocation.
When he finally got to his bike, he grabbed it and jumped on it and yelled out: "I WIN!!!"
His sister, still swinging, said quietly with an ice-cold voice: "First one who sits on a swing wins."
I thought that the woman who bit her cheating husband's penis off was a genius, but this was better. I almost went out and high-five-ed the girl, while her brother almost started crying. Typical.
Then the boy ran up to our building and started relentlessly calling his dad. When he called out DAAAAAAAAAAAD for the 27th time, dad finally came.
"What? What is it??"
"Umm . . . I'm hot. I want to take off my jacket."
A brief moment of silence. "Well, just take it off then!!"
Notice, how the BOY came and asked that, not the girl? Talk about female supremacy. Girls really should rule the world. And one day they will. Without all the screaming.
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