May 14, 2014

Dear Doggie Diary #4


      Yay, it's time for a Dear Doggie Diary post today. DDD is my favorite series, not just because it revolves around the coolest and most awesome dog  on the planet  in the universe but because my dog does all of the writing for it — yes, feel free to call me a lazy bitch, that's what he does. One of his most frequent complains — aside from 'I'm hungry', 'can I eat that', 'why can't I eat that' and 'hey, I wanted to eat that' — is that I'm lazy and that I sit through most of my day and just stare at some box. So in order to shut him up, I've put some time and effort in today's pictures since he's writing the whole thing and I'm just transcribing it. The superhero theme seemed fitting because in his head he's already walking around with a big majestic cape so why not oblige him — I guess you could say he trained me well. But enough about me and from me, here's one of his recent diary entries.

 May 8th 2014
 DEAR DIARY!

      God, we just came home from the evening walk and I couldn't be happier to be home — SHE'S SO ANNOYING!!!! Remember how I told you that I lost some weight and the collar was too big on me? So, whenever she wanted to drag me away from someplace, I just stopped, dug my front paws in, put my head close to the ground and the collar slid over my head and came right off so I was free to run back to wherever I wanted to go. Sweet, right? Yes, very, but now I can't do that anymore — she tightened the collar! Whoever gave her that brilliant idea?! I bet it was the dude, he's such a fucking smart-ass!! But you can't outsmart a smarty-pants, I have a new decoy tactic.
      We were walking and I could smell something yummy as fuck from afar. I walked straight to the spot, my trusty nose guiding me and shit, and when I came there, there it was — a big, juicy, delicious, sweet-smelling, greasy chicken bone. SCORE. I was just about to snatch it when she started screaming and dragging me away. I just stopped, dug my paws in the ground and put my head down as always but the stupid collar wouldn't come off. I panicked, I was getting further and further away from the bone and I knew I needed to think fast and since I work best under pressure — seriously, I do, put me in a pressure cooker and I'll stay as cool as a cucumber, I'm like David Copperfield, I'll find a way to get out of there with my awesome brainiac skills. Test me, bitch, I dare you, just test me. Anyway . . . Where was I?? Oh. Yes. The walk. So, she's dragging me away and a genius idea just pops into my magnificent head — I stopped moving my paws. Dead simple. I. Didn't. Move. What'ca gon' do now, huh? HUH?
      Wanna know what she did? The bitch dragged me. She DRAGGED me. She dragged ME. ME!!! I couldn't believe it, but she did for a couple of steps. Then she turned around and started screaming. "Don't even fucking start with me, dog, you better start walking, I ain't dragging you!!!!" She got really pissed. I could tell. I can always tell when she's really pissed, I have a sixth sense about stuff like that, I'm very sensitive and susceptible to the emotions of the people around me. Honest. So I knew. She was pisses. She was fuming. I, of course, still didn't move. So eventually she came up to me. Duh, she had no choice.
      When she was by my side, I just rolled over on my back, stuck all four paws out and gave her the look. "Are you for real, dog?? You want me to rub you?? NOW?!" Hey, you're here already, why not rub my belly since you came all the way here, right? Eventually, she knelt and rubbed my belly. Duh, she had no choice.
      Then I got up and we went on. Bye, bye, sweet chicken bone. I'll never forget you. Now, some other dog will find you and delight in your savory deliciousness. Fuck. I hope it's not a cat!!!
      Anyhow. As we kept walking, she all of a sudden stopped and started talking — to a tree!! "Oh, ginkgo! Hi! You're new here. When did they plant a ginkgo here?? I've never seen you here before." Are you serious? Now you're talking to a TREE?! Who fucking cares about this ginkgo shit??? But then she started rubbing its leaves and shit and I got nervous. I started looking around to see if anybody was watching. I mean, what are other dogs and people going to think? I don't fucking care about cats, but dogs and people, what will dogs and people say?! That I'm being walked by some tree-talking blue-haired weirdo?? I'd die!!! Then again . . . I shit in public. How high can my standards be?

The chief has spoken,
Leos

      P.S.: To my defense, they really did just plant a ginkgo biloba tree near my building and I love those trees, they have the-coolest-shaped leaves and I couldn't just walk by without saying hi, I'm a tree person, sue me . . .
Peet


       Don't forget to share and follow FPS via Twitter, Bloglovin and/or Google+ to get the latest updates. But most importantly, do come by again sometimes — posting days are Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, so hopefully see you then!

      Peet

20 comments:

  1. The best filter. Ever. Favorite quote? "I bet it was the dude, he's such a fucking smart-ass!! But you can't outsmart a smarty-pants" Your dog/you is a great writer. Makes me laugh all the time!

    xoxo,
    http://petitemaisonoffashion.blogspot.com/ ♥

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  2. hahaha, love this diary entry and those pics are awesome girl!! xx

    www.hausofsarahrachel.blogspot.com

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  3. Awww he looks healthy and stinky, yay! Baby farts are surprisingly lethal too


    Pixelhazard | Bright Green Laces |

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  4. Love the doggie dreaming pic .. so cute!

    Monica, www.pear-shaped-gal.com

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    1. My mom swooned over that picture too. She even said he's cutter than me, which is pretty shocking coming from her.:D

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  5. Ohhhh...what a fashion shoot! Woman, don't you swear at Leos! Hahaha.He's so cute. Is he ever gonna get a gf? I wonder if Leos is lactose intolerant coz he's always farting?

    Marj

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    1. You're 100 % right, all dogs are lactose intolerant actually and shouldn't eat cheese and stuff like that. Of course he LOVES cheese.:) I think he farts a) because he's old, b) because he wants to punish me and c) because he should eat more wet food, but he only eats kibble because he has to have a special diabetic diet and I can only get diabetic kibble here. And I can't help myself with the swearing, when he's being a dick!:D

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  6. I love this! These entries always make me laugh out loud and I'm loving the super hero alter-egos you've created for yourselves :)

    -Jen

    www.vibrantbeautyblog.com

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  7. These are always so funny. :) I love your alter egos! Lol, white boy. Also, great picture of you at the computer.

    xo Ashley
    thetiniestfirecracker.com

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  8. You and Leos really look like super-heros in these amazing graphics. How in the world did you create them? They're gorgeous! I had a question for Leos. I know dogs like to sniff each other's butts. I was wondering whether Leos decides on a case by case basis whether or not to fart while another doggie is sniffing his butt? You just cauesed me to Google Ginkgo Biloba. Wow, that's a lot to read, and way cool that they planted one near your building.

    http://www.full-brief-panties.blogspot.com/

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    1. That first shot was actually the 'hardest' to make. I had to first take a picture of the dog and then of myself while my boyfriend was holding up our 'capes' so it would look like the wind blew them to the side. Then I pasted the two pictures together, photoshoped my boyfriend out and used a filter to make it look like a picture and added the stars and drew in some grass and make it looks like it was night and... Really, a lot of work.:D But as for the farting, you know, he NEVER farts when he's around other dogs, especially when they're sniffing his butt. I don't know why can't he be more considerate around people.:D

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    2. I had a strong feeling there was a lot of work, talent, artistry and graphics skill involved. It came out beautifully and would look fantastic on posters, t-shirts, in books (comic books or collectible hardcovers?). I wonder whether the not farting around other dogs is a social peers and/or dating thing and that maybe he knows you so well that he figures there's no need to try to impress you, so he just lets all the days farts out at night.

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  9. you just made my day haha. awesome :D

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    1. That's definitely good to read, thanks!!:)

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  10. Ok Peet. The other half of the office who thought I had at least a shred of sanity in me now gave up on that thought. For you see, I when I saw the "thinking of wood" part I choked on my coffee, spilled it all over my keyboard and laughed like an insane woman. So... yeah.

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    1. :D You can't even begin to imagine how ecstatic it makes me that you got it!! That means at least one person got it!!:D

      Sorry that you lost that last shred of sanity though.:P

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    2. And I've just remembered — what are you doing reading my blog at work anyway??:P

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    3. I am one of those weirdos who comes to the office wayy too early. And since it's friday (fat friday in my lexicon) I was having coffee and catching up on your posts. So there ya go :D

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    4. You are a little creep, aren't you, for coming to work early??:D Anyway, YAAAAY FOR FRIDAY!!!!!!

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  11. oh my gosh, this photo series is more than brilliant!!! I just love love love it! you should enter those in some kind of competition or something. anyway, I hate it when Elvis finds something edible (like a disgusting bone some bird has dropped in our garden) and doesn't give it away anymore. it's kind of typical though. but still, the rubbing his belly thing in the middle of nothng is quite a nice idea from Leos, old definitely means wise too). and keep doing those cool posts, I totally love them!

    Maiken,
    Maikeni blogi - part of me

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Hi there. Thanks for stopping by and reading my blog. I read every comment and reply to all the questions, so please, speak your mind.