Today, I'm going to do something I hardly ever (if ever) do here on the blog — I'd like to address the pictures. I usually don't do this because . . . Because they're pictures. They're supposed to be worth a 1000 words each. What more is there to say? But since these are (probably (a bit)) dark and gloomy, I don't want you to think that's how I envision sex because they're in no way connected to the topic (although some of the things you're about to read can be fucking scary and give you anxiety (or at least make you grab your crotch), so consider yourself warned). With the exception of the Things My Boyfriend Doesn't Like series, the pictures on my blog are rarely relevant to the text so this is nothing new. I just took these shots a while back merely for the sake of taking them but oddly enough they capture my current state of mind pretty damn well because I at the moment feel in a way trapped in a place I've never wanted to be. But there's nothing better than sex to cheer up a gloomy situation so for your own sake, I hope you're getting some because who doesn't want to have their worries and problems pounded right out of their head. And pounded hard. Anyway, if you can't afford the luxury of having some good
clean dirty sex, you're in luck — this second post on sex facts (read the first one here) is almost like the next best thing (almost being the operative word). So let's get it on.
>1: An elephant's penis can get 5 feet/1.5 meters long (which is only 6 inches/15 centimeters shorter than my entire body, head to toe, just for comparison). Sure, the penis comes in handy when it's time to reproduce but it's also very useful for other purposes. Elephants can get a boner whenever they want to and use their humongous dicks as a fifth leg to balance themselves while reaching for food that's hard to grab. They also use it to scratch their bellies, they just swing it around until it hits the spot.
>2: The Argonaut is an octopus with a special little thingie called hectocotylus which is basically the octopus's penis. It stores the male's sperm and then it detaches from the male body and finds the reproductive cavity on a female who stores the penis inside her — for good. The end. At least that's the end for the male octopus who only gets to mate once in his life since he's left without a dick after that. The female, on the other hand, can get her freak on over and over and over again. Ha. And they store multiple hectocotyli in their bodies as souvenirs. Double ha.
>3: In Canada they have a pretty peculiar tourist attraction — an orgy. But not just any orgy — a snake orgy. When a female red-sided garter snake wakes up from hibernation, she releases a pheromone which attracts hundreds of male snakes who all want to do the nasty with her so they create a 'mating ball'. As many other snakes, the male garter snake has two dicks, one on each end so he can just use whichever penis is closer to the female. Well ain't that swell? But that's not all. There's also a 'she-male' garter snake, who releases pheromones just like a female would and then a mass of female snakes come and . . . 'keeps him warm' thinking that he's a she. (Am I the only one who thinks of Stu from Hangover II?)
>5: Remember Nemo from Finding Nemo? Well, that fish actually exists in real life and it's called a clownfish. But what's cool about the species is that they can change sex. Their society is based on a strict hierarchy governed by size — the biggest fish is a female and the next largest fish is the breeding male and the rest of them are just regular, minion males. When the female dies (or gets lost like Nemo), the breeding male changes into a female and the one who was in line behind him size-wise, gets promoted into the sex machine of the shoaling.
>6: You might know that pandas are an endangered species, but you might not know why exactly that is so. The reason for that is that they're not that interested in sex — they're too lazy to shag. But some brilliant employee at a panda research base in China came up with an idea to show them some panda porn to get them hot and bothered. And it worked. So now, when pandas are old enough to mate, they show them videos of two pandas getting it on.
>7: You've probably heard of the fact that female spiders eat the male after they reproduce. Well, a certain species (Nephilengys malabarensis) developed an interesting survival tactic — the male breaks of his genitals after he mates with the female. And never grows is back, he remains dickless for the rest of his life. And since the female is then unable to mate with any other spider, they're both fucked. Over and for good.
>8: The female Muscovy duck has developed an anti-rape vagina. The male ducks have large penises (8 inches/20 centimeters which is large even from a human point of view) and can erect them in one third of a second so the female has close to no time to escape if she doesn't want to mate with the duck attacking her. So to avoid getting raped, a female's vaginal canal twists and turns which prevents the male from inserting his penis easily or quickly. What's more, the female has to intentionally relax her vaginal muscles for the mating or insemination to occur. Pretty clever, right?
>9: I usually omit the boring technical data for the sake of being concise but with this fact I want to give you the full boring scope of details so you won't think I'm making it all up. I always check stuff I write here anyway, but this time I want to make this blatantly clear because this is pretty major and here it goes: The Queens University in Belfast conducted an interesting study on human sexual behavior and published it in British Medical Journal in 1997 which showed that men who orgasm more frequently (have more than 100 orgasms a year) have a 50 percent reduction in mortality risk. In plain English? Those who fuck more live twice as long. Want to prolong your life? Stop eating chia seeds and drinking seven billion gallons of water a day — go get laid. Or masturbate.
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