So it's time for the 13th Things I Don't Get post and for starters I'll say I don't get why 13's supposed to be a bad number — so all the people who were born on the 13th of any month are doomed? Eh, that's poppycock. I like all numbers, even 13. Give me 13 dollars, euros, pounds, yen, kunas, whatever, and I'll take them. Would you turn them down just because it's an 'ominous' number? Didn't think so. But I digress so I'll stop. Let's get on with the today's post, here's the newest list of 10 things I don't get.
1. Tanning beds. Why would you pay for something that you can get for free — just go lie out in the open, not in some plastic box. I'd get it if tanning beds would be healthier, but they are just as bad so you're getting cancer and broke at the same time, go you.
3. Flat open toe (ugly as fuck) sandals with socks. Don't know what I'm talking about? Here's an example. And those two are supposed to be fashion icons. I've seen hobos look more stylish than that. My grandfather has more self-respect than walking out in public with open toe sandals and frigging socks. And they say they're bringing the look back. First off, back from where — Uglyville? And second of all, why would you want that look back?
4. Pop culture. The term, not the concept. What's Keeping up with the Kardashians or Amanda Bynes got to do with culture? Culture is culture and showbiz is showbiz, which makes 'pop culture' an oxymoron.
5. Pink lemonade. You know that lemons aren't pink, right? And that your tongue can't taste pink?
7. Coconut water. And all the hype around it. Have you ever tried it? That shit tastes TERRIBLE. Fine, it's healthy, whatever. But does it taste good? I'm sure I'd get more oral pleasure from licking a donkey's ball sack.
8. Why do celebrities out of all people get free stuff? Clothes, jewelry, free entrances to shows, concerts, dinners at fancy restaurants, etc. Why? They are the ones who can afford all that stuff.
9. Baby proofing. Why would you want to spend a shit-load of money for someone to go around your house and fuck up your decor? Did your grandmother have a security retina scanner to unlock every electrical outlet in the house? No. And your parents still managed to survive long enough to spawn little 'o you. Shocking, right? Not really. Watch your kid. Just watch your kid. Don't leave knives and chainsaws and live tigers lying around in your living room and you're done baby proofing your house. There.
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