Jun 3, 2015

Rate You, Brake You, Shake You

     Since I can remember, any time anyone asked me whom I'd most gladly go have a beer with, I'd always without a doubt or exception say: "Johnny Depp." But to be honest, I haven't been keeping up with his life lately as diligently as I used to (or — at the risk of sounding stalkerish — should), I have, on the other hand, been keeping up with another individual. Or even better yet, with a whole family. And I think you know where I'm going with this or at least you should know if you haven't been living under a rock. Yes, I am talking about Keeping up with the Kardashians. And yes, I do in fact keep up with the Kardashians quite regularly and fondly.
     Someone once said I'm so smart all the time I need to watch something as moronic as the Kardashians show to give my brain a break on occasion. Despite the comment being flattering, I honestly think that sentence is in dire need of 'trying to be' or ' so  such a ___ass' to actually hold some water, but it does have a point. Keeping up with the Kardashians and all of its offshoots does provide a great (comic) relief for me and since I'm being honest and open (which I always am here on FPS anyway), I have another confession: Khloe and Scott are my absolute favourites. To be even more honest, I'd LOVE to enjoy a sweaty pyjama party with Kyle (but only if she would be somehow silenced, like with a ball gag or something, just from the top of my head), but a beer? There's no question there, I'd be ecstatic if I could share one (or six or eleven) with Khloe or Scott. Or Khloe AND Scott, that would really be a treat. But still, Khloe takes the lead just by a hair, I'm team Khloe all the way.
      Why am I so enamoured with Khloe? Pff, easy. She's cheeky, she's funny as well as fun, she's street-smart, she's beautiful (both inside and out), she's strong (both physically and mentally), she's hot as fuck, she doesn't ever mince her words and she even got her ex husband a sex swing for Peet's sake! People, especially women, like that are extremely hard to find, close to impossible really, so she's definitely a rare breed and I'd give all the prissy and prim Kims of the world for just one more Khloe, but that's just me.
     So yes, thanks to the anti-prissy aunty Khloe, Keeping up with the Kardashians is a great tension relieving and unwinding mechanism not just for me but apparently for the masses too. On top of that, one simply must admit that the show is also stockpiled with wisdom. Yes, wisdom. Therefore, as it is customary for the Quotes series here on FPS, below you have some of the more astute and profound (although mostly just brash and saucy, just the way I like them) but always candid Khloe Kardashian comments.

  • I don't like being around people.
  • Remember to always forgive your enemies. Nothing will annoy them more than this.
  • Your hair is like shorter than a vagina's bush and you take so long [to get ready]. (to mom Kris Jenner)

  • You know why [Kim]'s the most Googled person? Because she was Googling herself.
  • I think part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight is because we fear something so great won't happen twice.
  • The best form of revenge is a good body.
  • I'm so guarded, it destroys me, because I don't want to believe that anyone wants to be nice to me. It ruins me. I self-destruct. 

  • Fan: You're more pretty in person. Khloe: It's just 2 hours of hair and make-up. Really we look like shit otherwise.
  • Basic bitches not wanted.
  • I don't like being sweet. 

  • Take a girl to dinner before you fuck her up the ass.
  • I'm gonna turn into an alcoholic tonight.
  • My motto: I don't know. 

  • I don't have time to hate people who hate me because I'm too busy loving people who love me.
  • My life isn't perfect. But it does have perfect moments.
  • Wow, my sister has changed. She used to whip her boobs out for no reason. Now she does it to feed her child. 

  • Droopy balls? Buy briefs! A bra for your balls!
  • That's my defence mechanism, I just laugh things off and I act like everything's a joke and that's just me.
  • I keep up with the Kardashians better than I keep up with my own life.
  • Don't go into the ocean while on your period because a shark is going to attack you. 

         If you so happen to NOT be a fan of Khloe Kardashian (you weirdo), you can read through some of the other Quotes posts revolving around people like Joan Rivers, Nora Ephron, Hunter S. Thompson or Steve Jobs and many more which you can all find here.

         Thanks for stopping by and looking and reading (obviously) my mishmash jumble of cascading torrent of pot-pourri-like craziness, it means the world to me. Therefore, you're welcome to pop by again next week to see what's new on the blog, so hope to see you back on Wednesday since Wednesday's the designated FPS day. But beware, I'm not signing and sealing that in blood so your best bet is to follow FPS via email (or Bloglovin or Google+) to never miss an update. Or simply come by again sometimes!