Aug 19, 2015

Because I'm a Lady, Assface: Karen Walker Quotes

     Have you ever watched Will and Grace? I have. And I still do. That shit is epic. All of the shit, all of it. Epic. But even though all of the characters are beyond — I want to say legendary, but that's reserved for some other show, so I'll just say — majestic and I'm in love with all of them, my  heart  boobs are nonetheless reserved for one and only one of them: the insanely awesome Karen Walker. Why, you ask? Because if feels like, in SOME aspects, she's my twin and is my indisputable role model. Why HER, you ask? Because she, like Jack put it in one of the episodes, is 'a bosomy spitfire' who doesn't hold her tongue, is sarcastic (ergo very clever), can hold her liquor and basically lets anyone grab her boobs at will (which, out of respect for my boyfriend, isn't true in my case anymore so don't be running up to me grabbing my tits). And that's basically why I want to be Karen Walker when I grow up.
     But my dreams and aspirations would be nonexistent, very much like Karen Walker herself, without one (even more) special lady: Megan Mullally. WHO, you ask? That's the woman playing Karen Walker and no, she doesn't have a squeaky voice like Karen. She is kind of brilliant though all on her own: she was nominated for an Emmy seven times and won twice for her role in Will and Grace (having thus more wins and nominations than anyone on the show), has three Guild awards for another show and four Golden Globes nominations. Pretty dope if you ask me. And as if that's not enough, she's a proud dog person and has — like some other cool lady — no children (even though she's been married to her husband for over 10 years) meaning that she, in my opinion, already paid her dues as far as doing something good for the society is concerned since there's too much of us already (and let's face it, kids are annoying). But as if THAT'S not enough, she too, just like Karen, has some superb things to say, like for example: "I'll quit coffee. It won't be easy drinking my Bailey's straight, but I'll get used to it. It'll still be the best part of waking up."
     Despite Mullally's all-round awesomeness, this post really isn't about her, so without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, here's what Karen Delaney St. Croix Popeil Walker Finster-Walker had to say:

Oh, kids ruin everything. I mean look at the stitching on this. You cannot trust a ten year old to do a good hidden button.

You’ll do it like every self-respecting woman does. Get on your back, point your heels to Jesus and think of handbags.

Good Lord I can’t believe I’m at a public pool. Why doesn’t someone just directly pee on me?

Well, you’re all boring and I’m fun.
Oh hey, somebody got flowers. Or as I like to call them, poor people jewellery.

.Light beer? What’s next, non addictive pain killers?

I want a man who can make a woman feel like a girl. And who can make that girl feel like a slut. And who can make that slut feel like a woman.
I’m not good or real … I’m evil and imaginary.
By your inflection I can tell you think what you’re saying is funny, but no.

Because I'm a lady, assface.

Oh my God, how can you drink straight orange juice first thing in the morning?

We talked, we laughed, he walked me home. He was such a gentleman. He opened the door for me, I opened my shirt for him.

You say potato, I say vodka.

I've got a fake laugh with your name all over it. 

Oh, Honey. You're simple, you're shallow and you're a common whore. That's why we're soul mates.

Honey, I don’t look. I’m looked at.

You should realize that words are weapons, you little sissy!

     Thanks for stopping by and looking and reading (obviously) my mishmash jumble of cascading torrent of pot-pourri-like craziness, it means the world to me. Therefore, you're welcome to pop by again next week to see what's new on the blog, so hope to see you back on Wednesday since Wednesday's the designated FPS day. But beware, I'm not signing and sealing that in blood so your best bet is to follow FPS via email (or Bloglovin, Twitter, Instagram or Google+) to never miss an update. Or simply come by again sometimes!