Aug 8, 2015

Things I Don't Get Part 16

      If you follow me on Twitter, then you may have seen a picture of the new addition to Peet's residence which I already put (or am putting, should I say) to the test so I better write and take care of this post quickly before the drunken-computer-glare kicks in. So. Things I Don't Get. The sixteenth installment. There's actually not much more to say (luckily for me) since we've been over this sixteen times already except that there seem to be a whole lot of things I don't get. Does that make me ignorant or just honest? Who knows. And even more so, who cares.
     I would, nonetheless, like to add some words of wisdom allegedly spoken by a man undoubtedly infinitely wiser than me, Socrates, who said: "Scio me nihil scire." Awesome, right? Wanna know what that means? No problem: it's Latin for 'I know that I know nothing'. Wanna know what THAT means? The dude actually died way back (like waaaaay back, like over two thousand years back), so who the fuck knows what he was droning on about. BUT I can tell you what hidden meaning I see behind the veil of this ostensible simplicity and here's my explanation: the more you know the more you know there's more to know, you know? (Drunk, I think I'm more fuck than I thought.) Anyhoo. Here's the list. Things I don't know — part 16.
  1. Why can't they make regular cars more like bumper cars? That would really alleviate parking them.
  2. Why do they even make cars that can go 200, 300 kph (125, 185 mph) if you basically can't drive them faster than 130 kph (80 mph) anywhere but Germany or a racetrack?
  3. Why are people mean to waiters? There are a bunch of scenes in a bunch of movies where waiters do some fucked up shit to people who are mean to them so I'm sure everyone knows you don't mess with people who (can) mess with your food, so why go to a restaurant or a bar and be a bitch to the staff? I've worked behind many a counters dealing with food and/or drinks so trust me, they're not the only one who should smile and be courteous.
  4. How come there's always more yellow gummy bears in the pack? Or green M&Ms. Or basically all the things you don't like. Why is there always an abundance of those and a shortage of those you like? Why, for Murphy's sake, WHY?
  5. Why aren't there bras for balls? Saggy testicles are just as unappetizing as saggy boobs.
  6. Women going crazy over 'waist trainers' (which are basically just corsets a.k.a. torture devices) nowadays when they were frowned upon and seen as a means of women suppression (think of women fainting due to squashed rib cages during the Victorian era) not too long ago???
  7. How come snails can hide so quickly but are slow at everything else?
  8. Non-alcoholic beer. Need I say more?
  9. How come evolution hasn't gotten rid of the pinky toe? One would think constantly hitting it in coffee tables should help speed up the pinky-toe-removal process.
  10. Watching porn in a theatre. With a bunch of random people. You don't know. In the dark. Watching porn. Together. Ok, the more I think about it, the more I get it. That's hot!!!

     Thanks for stopping by and looking and reading (obviously) my mishmash jumble of cascading torrent of pot-pourri-like craziness, it means the world to me. Therefore, you're welcome to pop by again next week to see what's new on the blog, so hope to see you back on Wednesday since Wednesday's the designated FPS day. But beware, I'm not signing and sealing that in blood so your best bet is to follow FPS via email (or Bloglovin, Twitter, Instagram or Google+) to never miss an update. Or simply come by again sometimes!