Oct 10, 2015

Dear Dea's Diary #3

      After last week's Instagram post, I think we all need and deserve a little break from my annoying face therefore a new installment of the DDD series is in order presenting a much needed relief for us all. But I have to admit that despite the selfie experience being as irritating as it was, it was highly educational, at least for me, since I've learned that I have very few (if any) good angles and that my lazy eye, which I've known about for many many years, becomes very very noticeable after it's been flashed at really really hard for some 200 times in an extra extra short amount of time — all very useful information, no doubt.
      But today I want you to learn yet another highly highly valuable piece of information, except that this one is related to someone else's face which is delightful as hell for a change and I'm talking about that cute-as-a-button face above and below belonging to my boyfriend's dog. She truly is adorable, isn't she? You want to just squeeze her and rub her and pet her and love her till the end of time, don't you? But do you want to know something about the furry ball of cuteness? She snores like a motherfucker. And I mean snore so-bad-that-people-in-the-room-with-her-can't-sleep like a motherfucker. And not much can be done because she's too cute to sell or make sausages of her. For now.
     Here's her take on all of this.

     Yesterday, she woke me up three times, THREE TIMES!!! And not to pet me or give me a treat or tell me what a good girl I am, no, she woke me up to — wait till you hear this — DRAG ME OFF OF THE SIDE OF MY BED AND PUT ME IN THE MIDDLE. Like, I know humans are crazy, they pee indoors, no one sniffs each other's butts when they meet, they just shake their paws (what's up with that??) and they, get this, walk around DRESSED! Freaks. But now I have to put up with moving me during the night too???
     And as if waking me up wasn't a delight enough, I also had to listen to her growling: "Why can't you stay in the middle off the bed, for Pete's sake, so you don't pinch your windpipe, you're snoring like crazy!!! Stay. In. The. Middle. Of. The. Bed. AND STOP SNORING." Snoring?? Me?? SNORING??? I don't snore, what is she talking about? Doesn't she know I'm a GIRL?? Girls don't snore. And even if I was snoring as much as she's saying I am, I'd hear it. Come on, I'm a watchdog, that's what I do, I hear EVERYTHING, but I don't hear no snoring. Me snoring ... Pff.
     But then, after the third relocating episode, she calmed down and let me sleep. THANK DOG. I mean God. But then the morning came and we all woke up and she went on and on nagging about my 'snoring' telling him that I must had sawn through a whole Amazonian Rainforest worth of logs — which is a lie, just so you know! — and then he said: "Well, then you're just a few logs short of her." Ha, he showed her. But then she said: "What? I don't snore. I'm a girl." MY POINT EXACTLY.
     Humans are weird.

     Thanks for stopping by and looking and reading (obviously) my mishmash jumble of pot-pourri-like craziness, it means the world to me. Therefore, you're welcome to pop by again next week to see what's new on the blog — I post once a week every week, most likely on Wednesdays. But beware, I'm not signing and sealing that in blood so your best bet is to follow FPS via email (or Bloglovin, Twitter, Instagram or Google+) to never miss an update. Or simply come by again sometimes!