Feb 11, 2016

Clone-A-Willy: When Horny and Romantic Come Together, Hard

     This story actually began a long long time ago when one of my best friends asked me to go vibrator shopping with her. Since I'm usually not the one to shy away from sex shops, I was game before she even finished her sentence. I was feeling a bit unsure, though, of why she even asked me in the first place, it's not like I'm an authority on vibrators, but in the middle of our vibrator expedition, it dawned on me why she asked me to accompany her: since we didn't even need the shop assistant's help (even though it was attentively offered) to find our way around the store and around all the vibrating, lubricating, pinching, squeezing, pumping, whipping and any and every other way imaginable titillating equipment, maybe I am a fitting companion whilst sex shop hopping. Hey, God knows (sorry, God), I've had plenty of experience.
     But regardless of my many visits and online orders, my goodie closet is not nearly as well stocked as I'd like it to be, so I hung up and all giddy chirped to my boyfriend: "I’m going vibrator shopping!"
     My boyfriend, who would’ve thought, didn't share my enthusiasm: "Why?"
     "What do you mean why??"
     "I mean ... you don’t need one – you have me." And a bunch of other vibrators already in the closet, he didn’t add, but maybe that’s the point he should've brought up and kept the other one to himself because the latter, from the point of frugality and anti-consumerism, I get. The former … Na-a. I mean, everyone indulges in a little self-service here and there (and everywhere?), right?
     "Right?? So what’s the big deal??" I lamented to my other best friend on one of our routine cathartic walks a few days later. "There’s a ton of reasons why a girl should masturbate! You get to know your body and find out what you like and how you like it, you can orgasm faster and more often, you can …"
     "I do it because I sleep better afterwards."
     "See! I don’t know why the fuck you wouldn’t do it or why anyone would be against it – what is the big deal?"
     "I have no idea, but mine’s just as uptight when it comes to masturbation. He even used that exact same argument, 'You have me.'"
     "So what's supposed to happen when you don’t, when he isn't around??"
     My friend just shrugged in response but luckily, just like Santa, the universe is always on the prowl and it sometimes even decides to help us out when we have a major conundrum on our hands and a couple of days later, it sent me an answer to that pesky question. Via email, actually.

Hello!
 

I'm writing on behalf of a Portland based company called Empire Labs. We create the DIY product Clone-A-Willy. Clone-A-Willy is a kit that allows anyone to make an exact, vibrating replica of any penis in the comfort of their own home. I enjoy your blog, and am reaching out to have our product reviewed for alternative lifestyle blogs. Our company is sex positive, and our product is 100% body safe and made in Portland with all USA products. We focus majorly on the experience of our product, and creating a funny and sexy memory for couples, friends, lovers ... etc.

If you think our product would fit in with any of your lifestyle content, I would love to send you some kits to keep, try-out and review.

Thank you for your time.

Best, 

Empire Labs

     After I read the email, I ran squealing to my boyfriend telling him about the Clone-A-Willy product. Fortunately, he was just as excited as I was so I rushed back to my computer and replied 'Fuck yes your product would fit in with my content' (or something along those lines) and thus, not long after, a package, the package, arrived.
      And that's when the fun began.
     After carefully studying the instructions and watching a couple of videos on YouTube, it was go time. But while we were expecting the cloning process to look something like this ...

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     ... it didn't — and not because I have blue hair and I don't have a French manicure, but because in real life, with a real penis and a real person to do it with it's immensely more fun. And messy. And hilarious. And challenging. And hot. And fun, did I mention fun? Sure, a Viagra, a cock ring, some hardcore porn or simply being Rocco Siffredi would help during the making of the mold since the soon-to-be-cloned penis has to stay hard in some rather adverse conditions (i.e. dipped in gooey algae jelly), but once the alginate molding gel solidifies, the hard part is over and you're out of the woods (and probably out of wood too). Then it's time for the (even more) fun sciency stuff: mixing the two silicones together, pouring the silicon mixture into the mold and inserting the vibrating unit and, presto, you're done, all you now have to do is wait.
     Then what?
     After anxiously and impatiently waiting for 24 hours you literally get the exact VIBRATING replica of the dick you already have in your home. And you know what they say: the more the merrier. But since it's a clone of the actual living and  breathing  dripping joystick you already love and adore, the Clone-A-Willy willy caters to both your horny and romantic side. Now, don't tell me you don't want one for Valentine's Day — you can even get one that glows in the dark.



     Thanks for stopping by and looking and reading (obviously) my mishmash jumble of pot-pourri-like craziness, it means the world to me. Therefore, you're welcome to pop by again next week to see what's new on the blog — I post once a week every week, most likely somewhere between Wednesdays and Sundays. But beware, I'm not signing and sealing that in blood so your best bet is to follow FPS via email (or Bloglovin, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook or Google+) to never miss an update. Or simply come by again sometimes!




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