Jul 9, 2016

Pros and Cons of Being an Adult

     I have a bunch of young friends who are about a decade younger than me, which is far from intentional, mind you, it's just that my boyfriend's a couple of years my junior and has thus friends who are his age and even younger so here we are. Which is great, don't get me wrong — most of the friends I'd accumulated myself before meeting him are my age and older which means that they're having kids and regular jobs and grownup lives so it's nice to have that balance: I get to listen to people talk about breech babies and nagging bosses and insane lines at the pediatrician's office as well as all about this awesome rager and unfair professors and diploma theses. All in all, I think I have it made. Or at least I thought so...
     Now that summer's here, all of the young friends have their summer breaks and are therefore more or less free to lie on the beach or play video games all day long and go grab drinks left and right whereas I still have these things called deadlines and contract obligations and budget management to worry about, summer or not. So for the briefest moment I felt stuck in this weird limbo convinced that there's something wrong with my life, but before I completely spiraled out of control thinking that this sucked and that sucked I thought, "Wait a minute. There has to be an upside to all of this too, right?" And so I decided to put together a pros and cons list. I've done a couple of those up till now …


… whenever I felt the need so this is the latest addition to the series, my newest attempt to lick my wounds: pros and cons of being an adult.
    
:( CON:
It takes give or take three days for the fog to clear after a binge.
:)  PRO:
You can wait for the fog to clear in your own place on your own couch where you can watch your own TV all day without anyone harassing you with questions like 'when will you clean your room?' so you can weather the hangover and puke your guts out all you want — in peace. Priceless.


:)  PRO:
You can live in your own house/apartment.
:( CON:
You have to clean your own house/apartment. (Please, notice the difference between the two verbs.)


:( CON:
Because you moved out of your parents' place, you know how much a square meter/foot of laminate costs, what's the price difference between wooden and non-wooden windows as well as the price difference between peak and off-peak electricity rates, how much does it cost to get a heat pump installed, how much ... Do I really need to go on?
:)  PRO:
Because you moved out of your parents' place, you can finally stop looking at all the ugly shit in their home.


:)  PRO:
You make your own money, real money, and spend it however you damn please.
:( CON:
You find out firsthand what taxes, insurances, down payments, creditworthiness, mortgage, income, loan, net earnings, gross earnings, debt, interest rates, budget, fiscal year, inflation and amortization are, just to name a few, and realize that, unfortunately, those are actually real and not just some mythological creatures like unicorns and Teletubbies. Or more like Gargamel and the Big Bad Wolf...


:( CON:
With each passing day you realize with progressively lucid clarity that you're definitely no spring chicken anymore.
:)  PRO:
With each passing day you also realize that senior discount is just around a corner (or two). Yass!


:( CON:
You're getting flabbier and saggier and wrinklier by the minute.
:)  PRO:
You realize that you actually at some point stopped caring about the fact that you're getting flabbier and saggier and wrinklier by the minute as much as you used to.


:)  PRO:
Along with 'flabbing' and sagging and wrinkling, you stop stressing about other petty shit as well like who said what to whom, can people see your cellulite or freckles, are you tan enough, what if they sell out that shirt you really want in your size and other vital trivia (please, notice the oxymoron) most people think make or break their lives.
:( CON:
Now that you're relieved of the irrelevant 'stress', you can start worrying about all the stuff that actually will make or break your life: will we have enough money to pay the phone bill if we decide to feed the dog this month or not? You know, stuff like that.


:( CON:
You need more and more medicines to function properly: a pill for your headache, a pill for your insomnia, a cream for your sore feet, an ointment for your hemorrhoids, a special toothpaste for your sensitive teeth, a special mouthwash for your periodontal gums, some eye drops for your dry eyes, a cream for your ... Can I stop now, please? This is depressing.
:)  PRO:
You find out that some of those pills are pure magic when washed down with a glass of wine.


:( CON:
You develop some taste and you no longer can drink wine from a buy-one-get-one-free carton which tastes like some wino's distilled puke and/or piss basically so you have to buy a 6/13/25-euro bottle of wine instead. A bottle that doesn't even hold a full liter, mind you.
:)  PRO:
You can afford to be a snobby drunk and besides, you can't drink as much as you used to anyway so it all evens out perfectly.


:)  PRO:
(Smart) people eventually start taking you and all of your 'radical' ideas seriously and stop saying that you'd eventually come to your senses and change your mind when you tell them — like you've been telling them for years, decades even — that you won't be having kids or get married, that you just like tattoos and piercings and blue, purple, white, orange, you name it hair and that this isn't a phase which you'd grow out of.
:( CON:
Now that people don't think you're just young and stupid, they just think you're crazy.


:( CON:
Instead of dancing and drinking your night away in a posh club with a drink in your hand and a ton of semi-naked hot (mostly because they're drunk and high but nonetheless hot) people around, your idea of a fun Saturday equates to a long walk with the dog after waking up at 6:30 to hop on a bike and go take some shots by the lighthouse before the swarms of tourists come, possibly an afternoon trip to Ikea in your minivan and to finish things off nicely, a couple of chapters of the latest book you're reading in bed before going to sleep at just about the time when you should go out the door and head towards the hot-people-and-drink-laden posh club. Booooring.
:)  PRO:
You get to wake up the next morning bright and early without a hangover, not even a moral one, and definitely without trying to remember if you did or didn't do or say that stupid shit you kind of sort of maybe marginally remember doing or saying and so you get out of bed and are able to do all of the boring things you fucking love all over again.

So yeah ... that's that. Consider my wounds licked. Cheers till next week!





If you like what you see, share it. It helps. Thank you.:)

..