Sep 15, 2016

Patience Is Bitter

     If you're like me, then patience is on your list of words that make you want to poke your eyes out right up there with gluten-free, etiquette and Pokemon Go, which in a nutshell means that even just talking about patience makes my skin crawl — yep, I'm very impatient. I have, however, a pretty good excuse for it: in my mind, patience equals to procrastination and you know what they say about that: procrastination is like masturbation — it's all good until you realize you just fucked yourself. But. A recent unexpected turn of events made me reconsider my stance on patience since I, thanks to my impatient nature, ended up on antibiotics a couple of weeks ago. 
     So at the end of last month, I finally decided — after a few months of procrastination — to go ahead with the process of stretching my ear so it would fit a small 4-millimetre plug. I consulted a few people, went to the store, got my expanders and a tiny plug, got home, looked in the mirror and said, "Let's do this shit." And that shit we did.
     Since I am, as I said, very impatient, I ignored everyone telling me to take it slow and give my ear time to stretch and just jammed the expander in there as much as I could, naturally ignoring all the pain (which I'm actually pretty good at). In a couple of hours my ear turned puffy and red, what else, and I thought, "Good, I'm doing this right. By tomorrow, it should be fine and I'll jam the expander in some more," and went to bed.
     Lo and behold, the next morning the poor ear got puffier and redder (duh) and I said to myself, "Good. Now let's jam this shit in some more." What else, right? And so I jammed away, but the stupid bastard didn't want to go anywhere — who knew, my ears are as stubborn as me. Want to know, though, who gave in first, the ear or me? Neither, it was the expander: after several minutes of mercilessly mauling the poor swollen, throbbing, fire engine red earlobe, the damn thing broke. I was shoving it in with such brute force that the effing piece of plastic broke in two because the hole couldn't, didn't and wouldn't stretch any further to make room for the widening expander.
     "Well. At least neither of us is a quitter," I thought, looking at my mangled ear which was once again turning into a cauliflower. "It's a good thing mom isn't here to see this, she'd freak."
     Of course mom came by the next day. And of course she freaked. How could she not? My earlobe was triple the size and the gland behind that ear was swollen to the point where you could see it protruding from my neck without even touching it, not to mention the fact that I had a bright red patch of skin running from my ear all the way down to my shoulder basically. Of course she freaked. She also told me to take some antibiotics immediately and so I was forced to go on an ear-stretching hiatus.
     On the other hand, that little break did me good: I had no choice but to reflect on my invariably impatient disposition because God knows I don't want it all, but I do want what I want NOW, which clearly is no bueno. So I decided to, as a form of therapy, put together a list of quotes on patience (I actually rolled my eyes and shook my head as I wrote that just now) to help change my rash and reckless ways. I did that this past Monday already, feeling all smug and pleased with myself after finishing, thinking that I once and for all internalised the new, take-it-easy approach to life. Yeah right.
     By evening of that same Monday, I got a chance to test my newfound easy-going attitude when I ordered some pizza and the girl who delivered it had not one but two plugs, one in each ear.
     "By the way," I said when I paid her, "I like your plugs. How long did it take you to stretch your ears that much?"
     "About a year."
     "A YEAR?"
     "Well, yeah. I went to Amsterdam last year and I saw this cute expander and said I'd give it a go. A year later, this is where it took me," she said beaming.
     "Still, a year seems like a really long time."
     "Not really. Look at it this way, every time you look in the mirror, you see something different and exciting. If I could, I'd take even more time with it, the process of change is simply fascinating in itself."
     "Well ... I guess you're right, I guess there's something to taking things slow," I said almost buying into the whole romantic, hippy, it's-all-about-the-journey-not-the-destination bs. "Or," I had to add, "you could buy an exapander and force it in as much as you can, wanting your ear stretched by the next day."
     Judging by her laugh, she found that extremely funny. "Yeah, and ripping your ear and risking an infection."
     "And ending up on antibiotics, right?" Oh, ha-ha, so fucking funny.
     But all jokes aside, I better curb my bitterness, reread these quotes on patience (there I go rolling my eyes again) and internalise some more since obviously sometimes patience is the only fuel helping you on your journey to your destination. God, how I can't stand this kind of foofoo talk ... About as much as I can't stand Pokemon Go and patience actually. Fucking patience.

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau                                              

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.


Have patience.
All things are difficult before they become easy.


A man who is a master of patience
is master of everything else.

George Savile                                              

Our patience will achieve more than our force.

Edmund Burke                                              

He that can have patience can have what he will.

Benjamin Franklin                                              

Patience is necessary,
and one cannot reap immediately where one has sown.

Soren Kierkegaard                                              

One minute of patience, ten years of peace.

Greek proverb                                             

The key to everything is patience.
You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.

Arnold H. Glasow                                              

The test of good manners is to be patient with the bad ones.

Solomon Ibn Gabirol                                              

Patience is the art of concealing your impatience.

Guy Kawasaki                                              

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.

Leo Tolstoy                                              

Patience and time do more than strength or passion.

Jean de La Fontaine                                              

Rivers know this: there is no hurry.
We shall get there some day.


Trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.


I am extraordinarily patient,
provided I get my own way in the end.

Margaret Thatcher                                              

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

Beverly Sills                                              


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